How to Lie to Your Husband

I recently saw a video of a very short woman in great shape who jumped upon the kitchen counter from the floor in order to reach something on the top shelf. 

I thought kudos to her!

But the video immediately cut to an elderly man giving her an admonishing look and she quickly put the item back on the shelf, jumped down and proceeded to get her husband to fetch the item for her.

The action was to show him - the husband - that he was still needed.

I was disgusted. I tried to find the video and post it here but I could not find it.

This is wrong. We should not be teaching young women to be less than they are for the sake of a man's ego and to make him feel "needed."

If he is not getting his satisfaction from Jesus Christ, he is looking in the wrong place.

Any man who only feels needed in his relationship if the woman in his life is required to be less than she is, is not a real man. He is not manly. He is not a good husband. Unless he wants her to be strong, independent and reliant on Jesus, alone, he is a bad husband.

When I saw the first part of the video I was so impressed! I, personally, could not physically jump from the floor to the counter, but that's what this woman did! Imagine!

And yet, men in her life, at least in the video, want her to be less than she is to fuel the ego of the man in her life.

This is wrong. 

It is wrong to be less than you are for any other person. God has given you your strength. Do not minimize yourself for anyone,.

Instead of focusing on her relationship with Jesus, such expectations force her to focus on her husband and see to his ego. News flash: His ego is not her business or problem.

This type of thing also teaches women to lie. They are not being honest when they feign weakness. This is a way to lie to your husband, Building a marriage on a lie is wrong.

Ladies, do not be less than you are for anyone at anytime for any reason.

Are there times you'll need help? Sure! But, needing true help is not the same as feigning weakness.

Don't minimize your own strength for anyone, not even a husband, Be as strong as you are.

~Tricia

Yep They Did It Again

A few people in church recently got up to promote a ladies' conference. They were talking about the subject of the conference and I fully expected it to have a Biblical focus since a church was doing the conference.

Wrong assumption. 

While I can't recall the announcement verbatim, I will summarize.

Three women of the church got up to make the announcement and they each talked about one aspect of the conference. They talked about the schedule, the food, etc. Finally, they got to the subject of the conference, the theme. They said life can get overwhelming no matter what stage of life you're in and they hope to make these overwhelming times easier to handle.

After all, they said, we don't want our circumstances and life stages to rob us of the abundant life Jesus promised to us in John 10:10.

And there you have it. I've seen this before.(I blogged about it here.) I've seen John 10:10 taken out of context before. Jesus is not promising you an abundant life full of peace and time to reflect and tone down your schedule. He's promising eternal life - abundant life - meaning quantity of life - life that does not end no matter how busy you are - no matter how complicated your stage of life is - no matter what this world throws your way - you, in Christ, have abundant life. Nothing can rob you of that. Nothing.

You are promised eternal life, not an easy, stress-free life. Your circumstances, financial status, schedule or state of life cannot take that away from you.

In John 10, Jesus is doing most of the talking. He's talking about being the Good Shepherd and states that He is the door of the sheep (v 7) and reiterates that in v 9 where He says that anyone who enters by Him will be saved and find pasture. He tells why the thief comes and then says He has come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly. Life eternal.

We Americans often think the Bible speaks to the earthly abundance we enjoy as a nation. Even the poorest among us has options through the government to have needs met with food stamps, housing allowances, etc. Charitable organizations meet needs also.

Third world countries don't have this. Sometimes, there are no options. Sometimes, there is no help and people scrape by while eating things you wouldn't dream of. If John 10 is talking about earthly abundance as this conference is teaching, where is the abundance in a third world country? Doesn't the Bible apply to them?

Ah, but it does! That's the beautiful thing about our Savior, He gives abundant life to all who come to Him - meaning He gives eternal life to even those who live like paupers on the earth. The abundance of Heaven is also theirs.

Praise be!

Stop taking God's Word out of context. If what you're teaching does not apply to every nation and soul on earth, stop teaching and reassess.

I won't be going to that conference. 

I rarely go to any for this very reason, they are usually all taking God's Word out of context or speaking on someone else's book, not God's Word.  No thanks.

~Tricia

Stifle Yourself!

 I recently met Trudy*. Trudy is a brand new Christian and very passionate about her faith and her Savior.

This is a good thing.

Trudy is also a newlywed. Her husband, Greg*, has been a Christian since he was a child, having grown up in a Christian home where the gospel was taught.

Her husband is not nearly as passionate about his faith as Trudy. She wants to share her new faith with everyone, no matter where she is. 

Trudy does not feel free to share the gospel like she wants to because she's looking to her new husband for leadership and he does not want to share the gospel hardly at all.

She feels stifled, but she's been told by Christian leaders in her life that her husband is her leader. She's very frustrated that her enthusiasm has essentially been gagged because her husband's burden to share the gospel is not as great.

Trudy expressed great frustration over this to me.

My advice to Trudy? 

Leave your husband in the dust and pursue Jesus with gusto. If his enthusiasm never matches yours, it's not your problem. That is between him and Jesus. Your relationship with Jesus belongs to you, alone. Your husband has no say whatsoever on the matter. Share the gospel whenever you can, wherever you are, with whomever you please. You answer to no other person for your relationship with Jesus, not even your husband.

"For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men (mankind), the man Christ Jesus." 

I Timothy 2:5

Ladies, do not let anyone come between you and your Savior, not even a husband. Our churches have well assisted the devil in stifling women under the guise of "submission," which is what Trudy has been experiencing. Trudy is one of many I have met.  It's shameful. 

Utterly shameful.

*Not their real names.

~Tricia

It Happened at Publix

Last year, we faced some financial stress so I took a part-time job at Publix grocery store as a cashier to relieve some of the pressure. This is what happened to me at Publix.

I was not going to write this but changed my mind when I remembered that abuse does not go away if we are silent about it.

There were numerous things that were difficult at Publix, but none of those things caused me to resign. I will briefly mention those things. The office staff are bullies. They seem to think they have authority over the cashiers and would often instill "punishments" toward us, which made our work very inefficient. Another thing that was difficult was the general manager's constant use of the Lord's Name in vain. It was frequent and very disturbing. She also gaslit me. I was bullied by two other cashiers, one going so far as to take me to a manager and cause a ruckus. The manager dismissed it.

But, as hard as those things were, I found a workaround and did not quit. But I cried every night at dinner and could not stop. (More on the crying later.)

You may not realize that Publix does not have janitorial staff; the cashiers do the cleaning. One hour a cashier will be cleaning toilets and the next they are checking out your groceries. This is how Publix works, I didn't mind cleaning at all. I rather liked it because I wasn't dealing with stress or customers or the bully staff. However, here's where things went south very quickly.

Every time I cleaned the men's room, I had a male cashier check the men's room to make sure it was empty, then I blocked the door open with the large cleaning cart and proceed to clean. One day while I was cleaning the men's room, a man walked right in, past the cleaning cart and me, and proceeded to do his business. Stunned, I ran out of there as fast as I could and immediately told one of the office staff. They laughed it off. Another cashier said it's happened to her, too.

Ok.

A few weeks later, it happened again. The same thing. A man walking in on me while cleaning and proceeding to do his business. I got out of there as fast as I could and reported it immediately to another supervisor. They laughed it off and said, "Oh, well!"

Hmmm. 

I was realizing this might be a chronic problem. I asked for some signage or something to make it more obvious that the bathroom was being cleaned. I was asked repeatedly by the supervisory staff if I was blocking the door with the cleaning cart. I was; the men walked in anyway.

Then it happened a third time. Clearly, no one was taking it seriously. I went to an assistant manager at this point and asked for some specifics to deal with the problem. I asked for a large sign to make it more obvious that I was cleaning. I suggested a cone to put on the floor. Anything. She said they'd see what they could do.

But, they did nothing. 

When I was scheduled to clean again, I went to a manager and told him I will clean everything but the men's room and I told him why I would not clean the men's room. He was appalled when I told him why and had no idea this had ever happened or was happening. No one had told him about my complaint. My take away from that is never rely on a supervisor or assistant manager, go to the top first. 

However, in my case, the damage was done. Because I have a condition that makes me cry uncontrollably at times (Pseudo Bulbar Affect), the stress of this situation activated my condition and I could not stop crying whenever I was in the store. I had to quit. This was months ago and I still can't go there as a customer.

Publix is not a safe place for their employees. 

Do better, Publix.

Tricia

Expository Preaching - Guest Post by My Husband

Why do I believe so strongly in expository preaching? Because I believe it is the only right and proper way to truly preach the Bible. The scripture passage determines the subject and main point of the sermon. The passage verse by verse and thought by thought are the content of the sermon. This is true exposition.

99% or more of the churches in the USA do not preach this way. In the last 11 years since my last pastorate I have not been in a single church of any denomination that preaches this way every single week.

If we are going to preach the Bible we must preach it the way God gave it to us. It is His Word. It is His Message. If we go into and preach our ideas and thoughts then it is our message not God's. My ideas, my thoughts and my opinions are totally worthless in view of the inspired Word of God. My words do not save any souls. My words do not change any lives. My words to not have any eternal value. It is God's Word (The Bible) that saves souls, changes lives and have eternal value. Not mine.

As you can tell I am passionate about it and long to see pastors and churches truly get back to the Bible and trust the Holy Spirit to use it change people. I have seen it first hand and I long to see it again.

If it isn't in the passage is shouldn't be in the sermon. That has been my rule for the past 50 years since I preached my first sermon as a teenager. I believe every sermon should be a passage of Scripture not one verse and especially not one word. When you take a word or verse out of context you can very quickly lose its correct meaning. When you stay in the context of the surrounding verses, chapter and book then you are much more likely to have the correct interpretation, meaning and preaching.

It takes work and effort to preach expository sermons. It is much easier just to make up what you want to say instead of searching out the correct meaning of the verses. In my pastoring days I often struggled with passages to make sure I had it right. A couple of times I even rewrote my sermon notes on Saturday evening to make sure I preached it correctly on Sunday morning.

For the past 11 years of being out of full time ministry it has been extremely difficult and frustrating to listen to sermons Sunday after Sunday where the context and main point of the passage is discarded to that some man can pontificate their own thoughts and ideas that they are always sure that they are correct about. I have seen the Bible diluted and and actually massacred in pulpits across the country.

God help us to come back to the Bible. Only His Word gives life!

How do you know if a sermon you are listening to is expository? It is really not that hard.

1. Do they have a passage of scripture and do they stick to it? I like to have a passage that is 4-6 verses in length. That is not a hard and fast rule. It will be dictated by the passage itself. The authors think and write like we do. They have groups of thought. One group of thought should usually be one sermon. Much of the Bible was written in paragraphs. Those paragraphs usually contain one main thought. A sermon should never be just one word or just one verse. It needs to be taken in its complete context.

2. Does the preacher stick to that text for the whole sermon? Not to say that they can't refer to related or supporting verse elsewhere in the Bible. But that should be at a minimum. If they jump to another passage and stay there for more than a few minutes then it is no longer an expository sermon. I have seen preachers go to 20-30 other verses in one sermon. That gets confusing to the listener. You then lose the thrust of the passage being preached. They need to preach the passage based on the interpretation from the original languages. What does it mean in the original Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic? There are many great tools you can use to accomplish that even if you aren't a great Greek or Hebrew scholar.

3. Do they often or even continually quote commentaries? Commentaries are just that, someone else's comments or opinions. I can count on one hand the number of times I have quoted a commentary in a sermon. I rarely use them even in preparation. I have heard sermons almost completely made up of quotes from commentators. I don't want to hear other people's opinions. I can get that anytime I want on TV. I want God's Word and what does He say through His Word. Man will often be wrong. God will never be wrong.

4. Is the passage interpreted though the culture of that day? I will give 2 examples. First is marriage. You will understand the Bible's teaching on marriage more completely and simply if you understand how a Jewish marriage worked from betrothal until death. It is much different from what we are used to in the western world. Second is adoption. You have to understand adoption in the Jewish culture of the first century. Their adoption was nothing like our adoption. No children were ever adopted into a family. There was the "spirit of adoption" when every child reached adulthood. I was "born" into God's family (John 1:12 and John 3). I was NEVER adopted into God's family. No more than my natural born children were adopted into my family. They didn't need to be. Understand the culture of the day and you will better understand the Bible.

In Bonds of Calvary,

David

Sermons:

The book of Romans series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOTcKEmDMorAr2Em0exDjGp7rhIYj04Iu

The Church series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOTcKEmDMorA0A966m-oPvFpGstS5QTI_

Jonah series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOTcKEmDMorAGvW_cpqq-iEL27iqqMeUp

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@versebyversebibleexpositio5817/playlists

Click this for more series and playlists.

The Priscilla Principle

The Priscilla Principle is now available in book form! Currently, you can get the Kindle version here.  The paperback version will be available in the next couple days. 

The Kindle version is easy and convenient to read and can be downloaded today!

The paperback version comes with around 50 blank, lined pages for notes and has a slightly different format than the Kindle version.

The versions are identical in content and you will refer back to your copy again and again as you search the Scriptures.

~Tricia

Who is God Talking To? A Patriarchy Pitfall

God is talking to you. When you read His Word, He is talking to you. He is not talking through any other person to communicate with you - He is talking to you.

The Bible has no subtext that requires women to receive God's Word through a husband or male leader. The Bible is talking to you. If you are a woman, God is talking directly to you. If you are a child, God is talking directly to you.

I recently met a woman named Kathy. Kathy was shocked to learn that God was talking to her directly. She had never considered that to be the case because she was married and her church experience had taught her, in subtle ways, that she had no voice and that God only spoke to her through her husband. She told me she would be reading her Bible with a new perspective, a personal perspective. Praise be.

A few years ago, I published a blog post called Patriarchy Promotes Idol Worship, and in that post, I said, "Don't let your husband become an idol. Pursue Jesus, with or without him. If he does not pursue Jesus as strongly as you, leave him in the dust and pursue Jesus alone. Ideally, couples will pursue Him together, but each of us still has a personal responsibility to pursue Him ourselves, waiting on no one." 

You might be shocked to learn that I received quite a bit of backlash against that. Christian women began to send me private messages telling me that I am not in God's will, that I should look to my husband for spiritual things, that I will not be blessed if I do not follow what they consider God's plan and they believe God's plan is patriarchy.

They were/are wrong. My Bible tells me to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith (Hebrews 12:2). There is no included qualifier for this for women. He is talking to you. You are to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. You. By yourself. You personally. You, no matter your gender or marital status.

If I am reading God's Word through my husband because of the filter of patriarchy, I am making my husband an idol because he is coming between myself and my Savior. No one comes between you and your Savior. No one.

I believe the Fundamental churches, whether Baptist or not, have given patriarchy a place that God, Himself, never gave patriarchy. It was very much how society was set up in the Old Testament, at least by men. God did not require that. God does not prefer that. God does not operate within that.

There is no patriarchal filter in the Bible.

Look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.

~Tricia