Wives, Don't Let your Husband Get in Your Way

I've heard it recently......women talking about their husband being the family priest....men admonishing each other to be a good family priest......pastors encouraging husbands to embrace their "role" as the family priest.

Sounds real spiritual, doesn't it?

Sounds real godly, right?

No, it sounds so........wrong.

I'm going to give you three biblical reasons why you do not want your husband to be the "family priest."

I Timothy 2:5

 "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;"

My commentary on this:  There is one mediator - and it's not your husband - it's the man Christ Jesus. Messiah Jesus. Pursue Jesus. Let nothing, not even a husband, stand between you and your Savior. He is yours. Wait for no one. Pursue Him fully, with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.There is one God; He is yours.

I Peter 2:5

"Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ."

My commentary on this: As a wife you are included in this. You are your own priest; you are part of the holy priesthood if you know Jesus Christ as your Savior. You need no one else to stand in for you. Take it, it's yours. Embrace it with everything you have; let no one, not even a husband, take this away from you or get in the way of it. Read the first four verses of this passage and realize God is talking to you. He's talking to every believer.

Galatians 3:28

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

My commentary on this: We are one in Christ.....men and women.....slaves and their owners.....Greeks and Jews.....we are all one in Christ. This means just because you are a woman and are married, you do not take a back seat when it comes to your Jesus. 

God did not write a subtext for women with a male filter in place. He's talking to you....He's talking to me. If you are married, your husband is not your priest. Reject this teaching. I'm seeing it more and more and it's becoming more common in fundamental churches that would have rejected this idea even 10 years ago.

Don't allow what sounds like "godly" teaching fool you into thinking you have to take a back seat when it comes to pursuing Jesus. Any teaching that puts someone before Jesus or between you and Jesus is promoting idol worship. Do not fall into the man-made trap of making your husband an idol, coming between you and your Jesus.

This does not mean I don't think husbands should pray for their wives. I do think husbands should pray for their wives, but I also believe wives should pray for their husbands. We ought to make intercession for one another. Prayer for a spouse is not a one-sided activity and it is not an exclusive-to-the-husband role. 

The best and most often overlooked marriage advice you will ever receive is:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

This blog touches just the surface of this issue and is not a comprehensive study. A comprehensive study would make this much too long for a simple blog post. I chose to condense this to help wives who are currently being abused and beat over the head with this unbiblical idea of the "family priest."

~Tricia

The Big Decision

I'm waiting for the "big decision" that my husband has to make in which he has to override everyone else in the family and have the final say.

I frequently get warned about the "big decision" that some people believe is inevitable. When talking with Christian people about marriage, some people believe the husband, as "leader" of the family, will ultimately have to make some big decision that the wife will have to submit to and this will fulfill their "God-given roles" in marriage.

In 37 years of marriage while raising 8 kids, we have never, ever come across the scenario of the "big decision." 

Oh, we've made plenty of big decisions over the years, but we've made them together. If we disagreed over the decision, it was tabled until we could agree. Not once did my husband bring down the hammer and decide we are going to do something I was against.

Because I waited for the big decision and it never came, I have a few thoughts on the subject. Our marriage is one of teamwork and we are co-leaders within our family. Co-leadership is how we formed our family and how we raised 8 kids. I never used the "wait till your father gets home" mentality on my kids because they knew I have as much authority as their dad.

When we were first married, I didn't know I was a full partner in the relationship, so I would sometimes wait to talk to him before I made even small decisions for myself. I was very insecure and the teachings of our church at the time reinforced that. My husband would have none of it, however. He would respond with, "Why are you asking me?" I had no reply for that. I had no idea why I was asking him. I quickly realized that I did not have to give up personal decision making when I got married. I learned what submission is not.

Most people who argue for the big decision do so because they view it as an act of leadership. Even if the husband was the sole leader of the family, what kind of leadership would it be if he could (and did) trump every decision for the entire family for all time? That would not be leadership, that would be dictatorship and dictatorship is not what God has called husbands to. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. How did Christ love the church? By sacrificing everything. Everything. He sacrificed everything and set her free.

Many teach that the male leadership in a family is introduced and confirmed in Genesis 3:16, which reads, "Unto the woman He said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."  They teach this as God's ideal....that Genesis 3:16 is God's ideal. Is it? How could it be? God created an ideal world - the Garden of Eden - then humans brought sin into it and God punished all involved, the serpent, the woman and the man, He cursed the ground and kicked them out of the Garden of Eden.

This is not ideal. When God told Eve that her husband would rule over her, it was not a command to Adam. It was a prediction, a result of sin. A husband ruling over a wife is a result of sin, not a standard God set up to meet. It is not a goal. God was speaking directly to Eve. At no time did He tell Adam to rule over her; He warned her that he would rule over her; that is not a command for her to submit to any type of rule. Some men even take this so far as to think all men are to rule over all women. This quickly became a cultural norm across the planet and women have had to fight for even basic rights even in developed countries. In the USA, women had to fight to vote less than 100 years ago. Many of the women who fought for the right to vote were arrested, punished and some even killed.

However, how far did Christ's work on the cross go? Did he eradicate the curse? Certainly there are still thorns in the ground, yet we have highly effective ways to get rid of them. Certainly many people still till the ground to grow food, but farmers in developing countries have air conditioned tractors, so are not working by the sweat of their brow as much. And farmers are few and far between in developed countries; most people work in climate controlled buildings. Even childbirth is far less painful than it used to be; drugs are a wonder. (This one I know from experience...I've given birth to 8 people, some of them completely pain-free.)

While there is no command for husbands to rule over wives, there is a command for husbands to love their wives as sacrificially as Christ loves the church. This is the goal; this is the command. Those who tout "ruling over" as the goal via Genesis 3:16 are wrong. They are not teaching what the Bible teaches; they are teaching the traditions of men. Do not listen to them. The Garden of Eden was God's ideal. Mankind ruined it by bringing sin into it. God gave us a way to escape, however, and this should be our focus. Men who are focused on the Savior are not preoccupied with submission, rulership and other things that distract from the gospel.

Wives, there is no "big decision" where your husband has to trump everyone else in the family, including you, to show his manliness or perceived headship. Jesus was the ultimate example of submission. He submitted Himself to death....even the death of the cross.....for us. He did not hesitate to listen to, appoint and call women to do His work when He walked this earth. When you find a man who is willing to submit to sacrificing all for you, you have found a real man.

Real men don't tout "headship" or "leadership" in their marriage relationship. Real men sacrifice every single thing for their wives. Everything.

~Tricia

Bad Girls, Bad Boys. Wait...What?

I recently read this article, Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys, and I have to say, I totally disagree with this author....and from a Christian standpoint.

Here are some specifics:

1. The parents claim to have raised their son "in a good home." What does that mean? It doesn't mean a home without sin because all people are sinners. It might mean a home that does not participate in worldly activities, but who defines a worldly activity? When it comes to our homes, we have to remember that all our righteousness is as filthy rags, so a "good home" is not enough. A gospel-centered home is enough, however, because when we remember our daily need for the gospel of Christ and live as though it's relevant, we will be humbled enough to realize that it's the gospel that saves our kids, not a "good home." There is no such thing as a good home. There is none good, no not one.

2. The parents gave a 13-year-old boy - boy - a cell phone and only monitored it occasionally. I don't care how mature you think your 13-year-old is, they are not mature enough to have a cell phone without strict, very strict, limits. It's troubling to me to think a kid needs a phone at all.

3. There has been no shift in our culture. Teen girls have pursued teen boys for centuries, they simply hid it better. It was easier for parents to bury their heads in the sand about it because it wasn't on display on social media until more recent years. Now, parents can't hide from it and tell themselves only "bad" girls are so bold, so they decide there had to be shift in culture.

4. There is no "bad girl problem" because all girls are bad girls and all boys are bad boys because all people are sinners. A girl who gossips but keeps her purity is not better than a girl who is promiscuous. A boy who shoplifts but keeps his purity is not better than a boy who loses his virginity at 13. A girl who cheats on her homework but is a virgin is not better than a girl who is endlessly flirtatious. All girls are sinners in need of the Savior. All boys are sinners in need of the Savior. Your "good home" can't save them, and won't save them. Jesus Christ is the only One Who can transform their lives. It's not about being "good."

5. There is no more time. The parents in the article "thought they had more time." Time for what? This one baffles me the most. After their son fell into sexual sin, they put limits and restrictions on him. What did they do before? He was 13, yet he had a private room, downstairs, away from the rest of the family. He had a rarely-monitored cell phone. He had a Facebook page. He was set up for failure. Of course, he lost all that, and is being kept busy with sports and school so he has no "idle" time. Don't kid yourself, he does not need "idle" time in order to sin. (Neither do you; neither do I.) He's got this; he can sin while doing sports or homework or any other thing we think will distract him. Distractions won't work. He needs Jesus. Only Jesus can save him from his sin. What did the parents do about his lying? The article doesn't mention any consequences of lying, only consequences of his sexual sin.

6. These parents would be wise to not treat this particular sin in such a special way. We cannot emphasize sexual sin as worse than other sins. All sin is bad. All sin affects us for the rest of our lives. Sexual sins can have lasting consequences such as pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease, so that should be taught, but we can't lift sexual sin above other sins and treat it as though it's the ultimate sin.

7. God will certainly use this for good in that young man's life. He has promised, so He will. That young man has an uphill battle going on, though, and his parents would be wise to fall on Jesus about it, not on some Biblical principle their church or a counselor gave them. This article is a near-perfect example of Secular Humanism and how and why it does not work to save our kids.

8. Why did their son's sin take them by surprise? They said they were "dropped in the middle of a mine field" when their son's sin came to light. As parents, we have to remember that our kids are sinners and that means they are going to sin. Sexual sins. Lying. Cheating. Gossiping, Manipulating. Showing disrespect. Mouthing off. Violent outbursts. You name it; they are going to do it, or at least try to. Do we put our heads in the sand, thinking it's inevitable? No, of course not, but we need to treat all sin as sin. It all sent Jesus to the cross, not just sexual sin. When we emphasize sexual sin as worse than other sins, we're drawing undue attention to that sin, singling it out, making it special, creating more curiosity about it than about other sins. Even the fact that this kid initially lied about his sin when it came to light, continuing to try to cover it up, shows where his heart is. A confession made after being caught does not make for a contrite heart. This kid needs Jesus.

9. Remember the Duggars....how they "raised Josh in a good home," and taught him "Biblical principles" to live by. How has that turned out? Biblical principles couldn't save him, either.

Throw away your "Biblical principles" and throw yourself, and your family, on the mercy of an Almighty God Who has already overcome the world. Think of it! He has already overcome the world and its pits of sin. God is not surprised by our sin. He knew we could not "be good."  He knew we were doomed if we had to depend on ourselves. So, He sent Jesus, conquered sin once and for all and gave us the opportunity to live forever.

"Look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith." Hebrews 12;2. There is no hope in any other place. There is no hope in any other person. Stop treating some sins as good sins and others as bad sins and realize they are all covered by Amazing Grace.

This grace....it can save even you.
~Tricia