The Right Answer

The "right" answer is easy to give.  When someone is constantly turning everything you say into a spiritual lesson, it's easy to give them their expected "right" answer because you know what they want to hear.  They want to hear things that make them comfortable, that let them know you are on the right track in your spiritual growth (according to their expectations). They want answers that reflect their own decisions as if it will validate them and they can keep on feeling good about themselves and their own choices.  Yep, giving the right answer is easy. I know the "right" answer every time. I know exactly what these people want to hear, which, to them, is the "right" answer. I know where they are going with their leading comments that have obvious hints of their own perceived spiritual status.  Have you ever met someone like that?

I know the expected  "right" answers, but I never give the "right" answers. I scold myself if I give the right answer by accident by going with the flow of a conversation.  I prefer to give the real answers; the true answers, which are not always defined as "right" to these types of people.

Case in point:  I recently met someone who seemed to be determined to make sure I knew all the "right" answers and  give them to her when she demanded them through subtle hints in seemingly casual. conversation.  But, alas, I had to throw her off. I could not bring myself to give her the expected "right" answers and it threw her into a bit of a tizzy and she wasn't quite sure what to do with me.

I do not and did not purposely go into any conversation with intent to challenge.  Mostly, my responses were borne out of defense since the flavor of the conversations was continually challenging my own level of commitment and walk with the Lord.  The underlying theme was simply that I was not measuring up. This approach is nothing short of spiritual abuse and I refuse to take part in that, let alone be a victim of such nonsense.  Who has time for that when they are truly living for the Lord in the first place?

If/when you find yourself in a situation where you are being unjustly challenged, i.e. the challenge, itself, is given with the indication that you are clearly wrong and need constant correction, let me give you some pointers so that you don't have to fall victim to that.

• When the unjust challenge starts, remember that you do not answer to the person making the challenge, especially if it is someone you just met.  If you have a consistent spiritual leader in your life who is offering the challenge, that's different, but these damaging challenges rarely come from people who are more closely involved in your life.  The vast majority of the unjust challenges come from new people in your life who come across as though they have all the answers when you first meet them.  So, you don't have to answer to them. You can either politely smile and thank them for their input or say something like, "Oh, aren't you clever!" and let it go at that.  
• Your relationship with God is private.  You are under no obligation whatsoever to share with anyone how often you pray, what you pray about, if you pray, when you pray, where you pray, etc. The Lord, Himself, is actually strong enough, wise enough and loving enough to draw you to prayer without some outside person setting an acceptable schedule and indicating that it's the only means of true spiritual acceptance.
• You do not have to be awkward in silence. Let their condemning words fall on the floor with an awkward silence so they feel the awkwardness and own it. You do not have to feel awkward or like you need to fill a silence left by a cutting remark. If they made the remark, they can own the silence. I was once at a retreat and the speaker was very condemning right from the start, telling us everything we do wrong all the time.  I did not appreciate this as I had not done the things she was accusing me, and the entire audience of ladies, of.  So, I didn't look at her much when she was talking to us.  In the next session, she must have felt an awkward silence from the last one because she actually said, "Oh, ladies, did you know that if you do not look at me when I'm talking and make eye contact, I cannot see you?"  And, I was thinking...."Hmmm, that's working for me!"  Her attempts to lay guilt on us did not work on me.
• Be real.  How you feel about a situation is ok. Just be real.  Feeling a certain way, whether approved of or not, is just that - your feelings.  God does not change with our feelings, but our feelings are real. His Truth remains the same and He is not afraid of our feelings because He knows they are just feelings. Take fear, for example.  When someone is afraid, they are often admonished by other Christians that they "should not" feel that way.  But, their fear is real and tangible and awful and all those things fear is, and now a Christian brother or sister has added guilt to their fear, making it worse. When I am afraid, I have learned from Scripture, that fear is normal, expected and already handled by our Almighty God.  He remembers that we are dust; He KNOWS we are going to fear and does not even one time condemn us for our fear.  Most Christians are afraid of real feelings so they tell us we "should not" feel that way.  Quite frankly, I think we should feel most of the things we feel and be real about them.

You do not have to give the right answer to anyone. Give the real answer, instead.  Tell them you are afraid and when they say, "Oh, you shouldn't be afraid," tell, them, "Oh, yes I should!"  and feel what you feel.  Just know that they are only feelings, they will pass, but our God is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Heb 13:8)

~Tricia

The Eagles

I've been watching the Decorah Eagles again this year as they are, once again, working to hatch their offspring. This year they have 3 eggs, which the female laid in a 3 day period.  They are vigilant about those eggs, fiercely protecting them from potential predators, the weather, etc.

But, they are just eggs.

Last year, they fought against an owl that tried to swoop in and steal lunch. They screamed at the owl and readied their talons to strike if necessary.  That owl was not getting those eggs!

But, they are just eggs.

People chatting in the side bar express concern if the eagles leave the eggs for more than a few minutes, worried that the eggs are vulnerable, or cold, or maybe have already died. Would they, themselves offer to protect those innocent eggs if given the opportunity?

But, they are just eggs. Aren't they?  Aren't they just eggs filled with undefined tissue that doesn't matter?  Isn't that what they are?

Hmmm.

Those of us who battle against abortion are no different than the eagles.  They are fierce protectors of life and will go to extreme measures to protect the unborn eagles inside those eggs. They are vigilant to keep the eggs warm and safe, knowing that what is inside must have time to grow and develop properly. They are fully committed to making sure they do everything they can to protect and care for all those eggs so they can reach maturity so those baby eagles can be born.  All we pro-lifers want is for life to be safe, for babies to be allowed to grow and be born and given a chance at life. We want the exact same thing as those eagles. They would never even think to kill their own offspring.  My word.

No, I don't protest on the legislative floor, nor do I threaten action against abortionists. I do work to educate people about abortion so they can know the truth. I do council women facing unwanted pregnancies so they understand the life within them.  I do not vote for pro-choice candidates.  I've been accused of being a one-issue voter, and if that's the case, so be it.  That one issue could mean the difference between life and death for one human baby who might be given the chance to live.

I do share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with people facing unwanted pregnancies, as the Gospel is the only thing that will make an eternal difference.

So, as I watch the eagles, and realize the world also watches the eagles, I am struck by the contrast of how people in this world embrace these eggs.

After all, they are just eggs.  Aren't they?

If only the humanists embraced human life as passionately.

~Tricia

Whitney....Dead/Whitney.....Alive!

Whitney Houston's funeral was today.  I cannot listen to her song, I Will Always Love You, without tears. Her voice was a powerhouse of talent - talent she knew God gave her and she gave Him credit.  How sad to watch the world say goodbye to her!

Whitney is not dead.  The testimony of her life was Jesus Christ.  How do I know this?  I know this from the fact that the Gospel of Christ was presented again and again at her funeral.  The Gospel was preached and mainstream media broadcast it all over the world, streaming live as it happened.  The Gospel that the media scorns, tries to hush-up by categorizing it with lunacy and makes fun of.  The Gospel. They broadcast the Gospel and I am so thankful!  Thanks to Whitney Houston and the talent God gave her, and the fame He gave her and the friends He gave her, the Gospel was broadcast around the world by people who would otherwise spit on it.

I don't know what killed Whitney.  Some say she was troubled...........who isn't?  If we are real with ourselves, we are all troubled. If we don't think we are capable of certain sins or certain ways of life, we are not in the same camp as Jesus Christ, since He came to save us from ourselves. He knows how troubled we are; there is no fooling Him.  Whenever I hear a so-called Christian making comments like, "I would never do anything like that..." I have to ask myself what level of sin they do allow themselves. Certainly, as displayed by that attitude, they let their pride run rampant. That is no better than those who struggle with more unacceptable sins.  Shame!

Anyway, I am sad that Whitney Houston is dead.  But, we are all going to die. Are we going to live in eternity with Christ?  That is the question.  Whitney's testimony of salvation was clear.  She openly believed that Jesus Christ died, was buried and rose from the dead.........and the mainstream media broadcast it, unedited!  Praise be.

~Tricia

Living the Dream

Thanks to Facebook, I'm back in touch with a young woman who used to come to our house while her mother worked.  She's in many of our family pictures from that period when I babysat her, and I remember her so fondly.  She was a true delight in our lives and seemed to fit into our family seamlessly whenever she came.

Now, because of Facebook, I get to see her as a young mom herself and her children, even though I've never met them in person, are delightful to see in the pictures she often posts.  She's living the dream!  When I see her pictures, I also see the setting. Sometimes it's the park. Sometimes it's the living room. Sometimes it's a relatives's house. Sometimes it's a museum or a pumpkin patch.  Every time I see those pictures, I realize she's living the dream and I smile.

And, I realize I lived the dream when my kids were little, too.  I'm still living the dream.  Home with my kids, contentment abounds.  I have time to contemplate, time to feel what I'm doing, time to enjoy pictures of a family living the same dream and I rejoice.

Young moms, embrace and live the dream to its fullest.  You are not wasting your time, energy and education by staying home with your kids.  You are living the dream and it's truly remarkable to see children grow.  The dream changes over time, so be prepared.  I still have 3 kids at home and still love watching them grow, but now that I have 5 kids out of the house, I'm very acutely aware of the pace in which these last 3 will also leave home.

Nah, this isn't a wake-up call; I've been acutely aware of this for a long time.  But, today, I saw pictures of this young woman's children again and I was struck with the joy on their faces and the background of their home in the picture and it reminded me of myself, snapping pictures when my kids were being silly or performing a great feat of jumping over a bucket or some such activity.  

How I rejoice with and for this young woman, whom I have the privilege of knowing now, and also had the privilege of knowing when she, herself, was a little girl.  Keep on living that dream!

I see the same joy and dream in the faces of my 2 oldest daughters, who are now mothers themselves. My heart aches with longing as they are half a continent away and money is too tight to make enough trips to see them....(not to mention I can't just leave these other 3 kids home and take off like that).  So, I depend on pictures and Skype and frequent conversations via phone or text to keep up on what and how they are doing. And I'm ever so thankful that my daughters get to live the dream of raising kids and experience the joy of motherhood.

One never, ever gets over being a mom, no matter how old her kids get.  It's a lifelong joy. Right now, I'm on both sides of life with this one.  I have 5 kids grown and on their own, but I still have 3 at home. It's pretty cool to get to experience both phases at the same time, and it gives a perspective that I'm finding unique and fascinating.  

~Tricia

Why I Don't - and Won't - Boycott

There seems to always be a call for fundamental Christians to boycott this or that in this world.  Recently, there's a call to boycott JC Penney because they hired Ellen DeGeneres to promote their stores.  There's been a call to boycott Starbucks because they support gay marriage rights.  The list goes on.  People who claim to be fundamental conservatives are calling for the boycotts, hoping to change the companies' minds so they can continue to consume their products.  Home Depot was recently targeted for a boycott for one reason or another.

Quite frankly, choose your sin.  These so-called fundamental Christian conservatives have chosen which sins they will "tolerate" and which ones they won't.  What is the overall goal?  To change the companies' behavior so the consumer can feel more comfortable?  Ridiculous.  To enact legislation that will force a retailer to donate and support only those causes we agree with?  Ludicrous.  Look at any retailer and you will likely find something you deem "wrong" about their lifestyle, what they do with their money, etc.  Do we boycott every retailer who does not meet the standard of living we have determined is acceptable?  Do we boycott those who support a gay lifestyle but support the retail giant whose CEO drives while drinking?  Or is into child porn?  How do we decide?   Which sin is worse?

The focus is off in my opinion. I don't boycott. I won't boycott.  Legislation has never won a soul to Christ. Boycotting might work - it might force a retailer to stop (openly) supporting a cause the protesters have deemed inappropriate.  But, they will be legislated straight to Hell because legislation does not win souls.

Jesus Christ, not boycotting, is the Answer to the world's issues.  Jesus did not ask the boy with the fishes where he got them or how his mother paid for them. She may have bought those fish with money she earned through prostitution.  They boy, himself, may have stolen them.  His father may have gotten them by cheating someone or by trading a sex act.  Jesus didn't care. He took the fish and He made them what He wanted them to be. He fed the people.  Their source was irrelevant.

If even half the people took the energy they put into promoting boycotting into sharing the Gospel instead, the world would be transformed and the behavior issues so many Christians are hung up on would no longer be an issue.  We would see revival like has never before been known.  It's the Gospel. It, alone, changes lives. And God has chosen to manifest His Word through preaching (Titus 1:3) - something the world deems foolish. We are the fools if we neglect this great calling to go and preach the Gospel to every creature.  He never told us to go and protest the world's laws.

~Tricia

Dilemma for Doing Right

Doing the right thing often causes a dilemma, hence people don't always do the right thing.  Some people do the right thing without thinking of consequences because they live by principle.  Some people do the right thing outwardly, expecting an outcome that is often self-serving.  Still others do the right thing after careful consideration of the consequences, then deciding they can live with them.  Some even do the right thing, then are puffed up with pride for doing it.

The right thing is not often clearly visible, either.  We easily become confused about what's right when it affects us, or our family, directly.  Sometimes we simply don't know what the right thing is!  I think this challenge can be something we face daily.  I face this challenge daily.  Do you?

So, how do we know what is right?  The recent pile up on I75 in Florida presents an interesting dilemma.  Many of the people killed were illegal aliens from Brazil.  Being here illegally, they were traveling illegally since they didn't have valid drivers' licenses.  That's a dilemma.  In the comments following an article I read on this, some people were very pointed and actually indicated they were glad the people died, and it served them right, etc.  I totally understand that some people are upset by illegals not being challenged; that's a valid concern.  However, to indicate they got what they deserved and they are glad they died is over the top. The people saying that are as wrong as the illegals.  Lack of compassion for a fellow human being is intolerable.

So, what is right in this situation?  As individual citizens, we can't control all illegals.  We can work to pass appropriate legislation to address the overall issue, but we can't control who comes and what they do when they do come.  The right thing to do is to show compassion to our fellow human beings, even if they are in the wrong in their own behavior.  Hard to do?  Yes, indeed.  But, no matter what people do, compassion must be at the forefront of our response to them.

Why?  Because if not for the compassion of Jesus Christ in our own lives, we would not have a prayer even for ourselves.

Do right, even in the face of wrong.  Show compassion.

~Tricia

Ownership

As a child, my most precious memories aren't of being at home with my 7 siblings, or family dinners where we learned about each other's day.  Our home was always tension-filled with my father's drama in his alcoholism. When I look back, I see my most precious memories at my maternal grandmother's house.  She doted on us constantly, baked fresh cookies and cakes, never raised her voice and brought stability to my life in a way that nothing else did.  I didn't have many plans for when I grew up.  Seemed to me that actually surviving my dad's violence and growing up was enough of a goal. I had no room for thoughts of what I would do once I grew up. But, I did make one plan.  Because my grandma's house was so special, so peaceful, so wonderful and so delicious-smelling, I decided that would be my house when I was a grandma.  I was going to be my Mammow Leach.  All my grandchildren would come to Sunday dinner and watch me bake and I'd warn them not to "gom" their cookies all over the floor and I would smile and I would look just like Mammow Leach.

Now I have grandchildren; 2 of them.  Just last year at this time, my then 5-year-old grandson sat in my kitchen watching me bake and he said, "You sure know how to bake!" and he loved watching me and I told him what the flour would do once I put all the other ingredients in it and we made a marvelous memory.  And he lived with us for 6 months, he and his mom, while his dad was deployed to Afghanistan.  And we made a myriad of memories in that time.  Then he went home.  To the east coast.  And I remained in Minnesota.

And, I have a granddaughter who is the definition of beautiful, and smart and energetic and fascinating and awesome and thoroughly amazing. And I've only seen her in person once. And she's never been to my house.  She lives in VA with my daughter and her husband.  And I honestly don't know when I'll see her - or them - again.  Money is tight. Time is tight.  Minnesota is a long way from Virginia.

Ministry has brought us to Minnesota.  Our last ministry had us in New York for 19 years.  Most of our 8 children grew up in NY and they have a history there.  They have no history in MN, although each and every one of them serve the Lord in some capacity whenever they visit us here.  I was honestly unprepared for this side-effect of ministry; this side-effect being that we have no "homestead" as most people think of a homestead.  There is no permanent home. Home is defined by where we are at the time, not by the history of one place or another like when I was a kid.

If I could, I would insure that my kids are always geographically close enough for the occasional Sunday dinner with the family where we could make the same memories I have.  But, the reality is, even if all my kids suddenly moved to Minnesota to be close to us, the ministry could easily move us to Arizona!  All this has me thinking of ownership quite a bit, so I made a list of things I used to think I own but realize I don't.

1.  I don't own my kids.  That "mother hen" instinct is strong and I had it in mega-doses since I have such a large family.  But, the bottom line is, they are going to grow up and they are going to have their own lives and I have to let them.  If that leads them to Iraq, so be it. If that leads them to the coast while I live in the heartland, so be it. I do not own them. While they love me and I love them, I don't own them and part of loving them is letting them live their own lives.  I see many parents who struggle with this and clip the wings of their kids so they'll stay close, but clipping wings doesn't work in the long run.  They end up going farther from us in their hearts than they ever would have geographically.  With fully-spread, un-clipped wings, they are free to fly to the ends of the earth, then back home again.  And they will come home, but it will be their home, not mine. (And we have Skype and that really, really helps!)

2. I don't own my marriage.  It may come as a surprise to some people, but the person we marry is an entirely separate person!  The only thing I own in my marriage are my own choices and behaviors.  I don't own him and can't tell him how to live his life.  I'm not his manager; I'm not his boss; I'm not his mom; I'm not in charge of him. I'm also not in charge of how my marriage is; I'm only in charge of my own actions, choices, and words.  I don't own him.

3. I don't own the ministry.  This might be tough for one who is a pastor's wife, since the ministry affects our lives daily in nearly every area, but we still don't own it.  We can't manipulate an outcome just because we don't like how it might affect our lives otherwise.  The ministry is God's and God's, alone.  I know first hand how the ministry affects the daily life of a pastor's family.  While most other church members can go home and forget about church, the pastor's family can't do that. And, we live on the campus of our church, so it's a daily reminder that every single thing that happens is going to affect us in this house - and it does.  Still, I don't own it. The sovereignty of God is still in effect, even on the campus of any given church where the pastor and his family might live. I don't own it; I can't control it; I can't manipulate it.  This is the sole reason why I cringe when someone starts a ministry, then names it after themselves.  Yikes!  It speaks volumes; I couldn't do that.

So, those are the main 3 things that thinking about ownership has led me to concentrate on.  Letting go of ownership is incredibly freeing......it leads to deeper faith because we actually get to see God's sovereign will in action.  Romans 8:28 is true for my kids, my husband and the ministry, all the things that are primary in my life.

Because of God's sovereign grace in my life, I'm able to be a long-distance grandma with grace and peace. Not that I don't miss them - oh, my word, I miss them all the time!  But, I don't despair and wallow in self-pity because I can't see them every week.   I sure wish I could, but this is one of the prices that people in ministry pay.  At first, I was unprepared for this realization, but I'm ok now.  Because of God's grace.

~Tricia