HOPE for Michelle Obama (And you, too!)

If you listen to any news reports at all, you've no doubt heard that last week, Michelle Obama said, in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, "We are feeling what not having hope feels like."

I thought that was a very sad comment from someone who has just had the rare privilege of living in The White House for the past eight years. How can she be without hope? How can she think there is no hope? Why is her hope gone? Because her preferred candidate didn't win The White House?

If that is what we base our hope on, we are all without hope. We do not, however, place our hope in any man or woman who occupies The White House.





Last night, my fabulous hubby took us to a concert in downtown Baltimore. Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith and Jordan Smith all sang and entertained us royally and it was wonderful. Jordan Smith sang, "All is Well," and received a standing ovation. I leaned over to my husband and said, "Take that, Michelle Obama!" I didn't mean it in a mean way.....



The lyrics to the chorus say it all.

All is well all is well
Lift up your voice and sing
Born is now Emmanuel
Born is our Lord and Savior
Sing Alleluia
Sing Alleluia
All is well

There is hope for everyone on this planet. There is hope.
Emmanuel has come.
This is the only reason anyone can ever have hope.
No matter who sits in The White House, Emmanuel has come and there is hope.
I'm sad for Michelle Obama. She needs to know Emmanuel so she can have hope.
She needs the hope that doesn't make anyone ashamed.

All is well.
Emmanuel has come.
Hope.
~Tricia

Is Your Church a Cult? (Or do You Just Act Like One?)

I just finished reading Beyond Belief: My Secret Life inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige and Lisa Pulitzer. I have to say, this one kept me awake for a while after I finished it the other night. What an amazing story! Certain things struck me about this story in surprising ways.

I don't know any Scientologists personally, but I am aware of some of the teachings of Scientology. In that way, much of what the book's authors wrote about did not surprise me. What surprised me was my realization that some practices within Scientology are very similar to what I see in other churches...... not just churches that are considered cults. I'm talking about mainstream evangelical churches. The teachings of the Church of Scientology are indisputably false, wracked with bizarre doctrines which can only be maintained through brainwashing. The teachings are not the main issue in my opinion; I think most Bible-teaching churches would not consider them a threat to true doctrine.. Their methods, however, are startlingly familiar.

Their methods are eerily similar to what I see in the vast majority of evangelical churches. Some methods used to keep Scientologists in line are guilt, forced confessions, manipulation, suppression, oppression, peer pressure, peer watching (people telling on each other), submission, rank, shame, control, misuse of perceived authority, uneven balance of power within genders, etc. There are more.

I find these methods frighteningly similar to practices I see in fundamental, evangelical churches. I see pastors trying to motivate the people through guilt. I see people being suppressed in the name of God. I see a clone-like attitude permeating the church, disallowing for individuality. This is highly evident in larger groups like the Quiverful movement where the girls all have the same hair (long and wavy) and wear dresses or skirts no matter what activity they're doing, etc. They all look and act the same. This is not producing disciples, this is producing clones.

I've seen deacons act as though they have authority over people's lives and pull rank. I've heard church ladies try to put people to shame, as though being motivated by shame would be a good thing.
I've seen, and experienced, oppression within the church repeatedly. People stalked our lives when we lived in a parsonage in Minnesota. We had very little privacy. I caught people going through our mail more than once. One man went through garbage I had tossed out and gave things from it to other people.

So, when I read similar things in this book, I had to come face to face with the abuse we suffered all over again. I have not healed but am on the road to healing. And who would have thought that some of my healing would come through the exposure of abuse in a cult I am not associated with?

In addition to reading this book, I've been watching Leah Remini's documentary series on Scientology, learning why she and others left. This week's episode featured one of the highest ranking members, Mike Rinder, who left after 46 years with the Church of Scientology. His story is remarkable. He's regularly stalked, even now. Church members placed cameras near his home, one hidden in a bird house in his neighborhood, to monitor his activity. They stole his garbage, paying a garbage man to do so. They followed him to the doctor when he took his wife and disrupted her appointment.

It all sounded so familiar to me - because we lived it - in a Baptist church! They stalked us, several openly admitting it right to our faces, but not as a confession, oh, no. They admitted it because they were proud of it and they continued doing it even after admitting to it. A man took some garbage I had thrown away and gave it to another man in the church. No one apologized for this; they acted as though they were justified to go through my garbage. Who does that?

We began to talk to previous pastors of the church. (We had tried to talk to the most recent, but he would not tell us anything.) One had died, but we talked to his wife. She told us how they were stalked. Before the parsonage was built, they were followed home by several church members on a regular basis. They were later told they were followed because people wanted to make sure they went home and not to visit other members, which they thought would mean they were showing them favor.

This same previous pastor's wife told me, "They are watching. They are always watching. Hang out your undies to give them something to talk about!" I was stunned, even though we both laughed. My laugh was uneasy, nervous. Apparently, according to these previous pastors and their wives, this stalking had been going on for decades.

Just as it is with the leadership of Scientology, it wasn't enough for us to leave; they followed us to the east coast when we moved on. They used family members to find out where we were, which church we had moved east to help and where we lived. They involved other family members, people who had never even one time been involved in any of our ministries, to call church leadership in our new state and slander my husband with unfounded accusations he was not guilty of. But, they were guilty of them all! This action could have left us homeless, but, even though we parted ways with the pastor of that church over doctrine, he did not believe the slander, to his credit, and showed us all their communication. It was unsettling.

And they wondered why we blocked them all on social media. One said, "Me? They blocked me? Me, of all people?" Yes. You.

While we still keep these members and their associates blocked on social media, they have, fortunately done themselves in. Their church imploded, leaving them with less than 30 people and they were subsequently absorbed (not merged) with another church in town....a church they detested....a church whose members they freely gossiped about for the seven years we were there. Suddenly, they were best friends. This is what defines caustic relationships. They mutually use one another for gain and approval, then discard one another when they are finished. Then, a few years later, they use them again, feigning friendship. This is a destructive cycle. They should know this now since it destroyed their church, but they do not. They continue feigning friendship with people they told us they "couldn't stand," "don't trust," "would never work with," "think are horrible," and who they "detest."

But, wait, there's more. While all this was going on, just a few short months before we packed up and moved east, God did a most wonderful thing. While these members and their leaders were passing around the caustic poison, fueling each other with gossip and pretenses of godliness and talking out of both sides of their mouths, God planted three real churches.....real, as in the people in these churches really love Jesus, really minister to their community, really preach the full counsel of God. Three new churches. The one in that same town is now an independent, thriving work, no longer a mission work. My husband was honored to preach there at their first service four years ago. God turned the curse into blessing. This is the God we serve.

The leaders of Scientology have no Redeemer to save them from themselves. They have no whispering Holy Spirit telling them they are wrong, to make things right, to look to the Savior. This explains why they have to resort to manipulation, abuse and guilt to accomplish their plan. But, what about so-called evangelical churches? Most of them would say they are Bible-preaching, yet they use guilt, abuse and manipulation to try to control people, much like Scientology does. How can it be that the same tactics used by a totally ungodly organization can be the same ones used by a church filled with people professing Christ?

Could it be that their profession of Christ is their real problem?
Could it be that they don't know the Savior at all, so they have to resort to abuse, guilt, manipulation and other sorts of control tactics?
Could it be that they're only giving lip service to the One, True God?

If your church uses guilt, manipulation and other control tactics, look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith and have nothing to do with such a church. I would go so far as to say if your church leadership resorts to any "tactic" whatsoever, they are leading the congregation in the wrong direction. Do not follow such leadership. Do not stay in or support such a church. The Holy Spirit needs no tactics to accomplish His will within His church. Resist tactics.

If your church resembles a cult, you need a new church.
~Tricia

The Story of Freedom Hill

We have named our new house Freedom Hill. Our home is located at the top of one of the biggest hills in our town, the views are fabulous, so I knew the name should contain Hill in some form or another. I didn't want to call it Johnson Hill because it didn't seem unique enough.

My youngest son suggested Freedom Hill and gave his reasons. Our house represents freedom to us in many ways. We voted on the name last night at dinner and it was unanimous.

The first reason we love the name Freedom Hill is, we live in the greatest country with the world's greatest freedoms.

Second, it's not a parsonage. We lived in a parsonage for 8 years before buying a house in NY. Fortunately for us, our family outgrew the 4-bedroom parsonage the church in NY had provided, so we were able to buy a gorgeous 6-bedroom house there. We lived in that house for 10 years, but moved to MN where we were, once again, required to live in a parsonage. It was not our choice; we were not given a choice. That proved to be the most difficult of all our parsonage experiences (we'd lived in one for 3 years in PA). Turns out many of the church members stalked the parsonage there and while the house was situated in a quiet neighborhood, we had very little privacy.

Being stalked is difficult, invasive and oppressive. There were times we would return from a vacation and within 5 minutes, people from the church would be on our doorstep, wanting to talk or visit. It felt weird, like....how did they know we were home? One man told us that he drives by the parsonage every day to check and see what was going on. Um....our lives were going on....

In our NY parsonage, people did sometimes walk into the parsonage without knocking, which I found completely unacceptable. That stopped when we bought our house. But, when it also happened in MN, I was nearly undone. I walked into my kitchen one day to find a man from the church standing over our counter, looking through some papers we'd left there! Imagine! He was going through our mail. I very quickly took care of whatever business he had with us and ushered him out the door.

When our ministry at the MN church ended due to severe persecution, we found ourselves homeless. After all, we lived in a parsonage.....leave the church, leave your home. Looking to move back to the east to be near more of our older kids, we finally found temporary housing in MD in the form of a parsonage. We agreed to help the church there in exchange for using the house on a temporary basis, but soon found that we were incompatible with the senior pastor. We are deeply committed to expository preaching, but his preaching (and life practices) were far from proper or acceptable.

We soon found a gorgeous house in the woods and felt a real sense of relief. The house was not a parsonage, but a rental. The owner lived 200 yards away, but trees blocked their house. The owner's husband did like to stalk the house some, but we were overall happy there and settled in. My husband had found a job within 3 days of arriving in MD and we were now searching for a church home.

We lived in that house in the woods for 18 months and had no intention of leaving until we were ready to buy. God does not promise us an easy ride through this life, however, and while we were feeling more and more settled, we got bad news upon bad news. My husband was suddenly hospitalized with severe back pain and subsequently diagnosed with cancer. The day after he got out of the hospital, the landlords called and said they were selling the house and gave us 30 days to move. Shocked, we asked for 60 days and told them about his cancer. They said ok to 60, but sent a letter which said to be out in 30 days.

David was having chemo and all its glorious side effects, so I was basically on my own to find a house. We were able to find another rental that was suitable, but we wanted to buy. There wasn't time; we had just 30 days to move.

After being in the 2nd rental for 9 months, we had 2 electrical fires. Because the electrician was not going to fix the problem (only patch), we didn't feel safe and started an aggressive house hunt to find a house we could buy.

Just as all this was happening, my hubby got a call out of the blue from a recruiter telling him he'd be perfect for a job he was recruiting for. David had not circulated his pastoral resume and had no intention of doing so. (That's another story entirely.) The recruiter had done his homework on David well (through LinkedIn) and he was perfectly suited to the job; he was hired. It's an executive position and provides well, which put us in a position to buy a house. You can read about our harrowing house hunt here.

God is good. We bought this gorgeous 7-bedroom, 3200 square foot house on a hill and have now named it Freedom Hill. It has a few quirks (we have to remodel the kitchen, it needs a new laundry room and the a/c is insufficient since they built an addition so a couple bedrooms have window units for now), but we love it and it's OURS!

No one is stalking us.
No one can call us up and tell us we have to move in 30 days.
We will not be having any electrical fires since #1, the house is properly wired and #2, my hubby knows how to fix all that and would do it right if it needed it.
Biggest perk of all, it's OURS, not a parsonage.

So, maybe, if you read to the end of this, you can understand why the name Freedom Hill is so special and important to us.

I am happy that I will never have to live in a parsonage again. If your pastor lives in a parsonage, encourage them to buy their own home and put that parsonage up for sale.
Churches need to get out of the parsonage business.

From Freedom Hill,
~Tricia

Book Review (Gotta Be a Boy!)

I just finished reading Jenny Nordburg's The Underground Girls of Kabul: In search of a Hidden Resistance in Afghanistan. I found this book to be riveting, educational and astounding.

To think that many Afghan families, the father included, encourage and even insist on bacha posh for some of their daughters is to rethink everything I've ever heard about Afghanistan. Bacha posh is the practice of girls in a family being raised as boys, right down to how they dress and cut their hair. Most who practice bacha posh "turn back into a girl" at puberty......but, curiously, not all do.

In their culture, it's an absolute tragedy for an Afghan family to be made up only of girls. When there are only girls, one of those girls has to become a boy. So, the family either raises her as a boy right at birth, or turns her into a boy at some point in her childhood. One girl went to school her first 2 years as a girl, then returned her 3rd year as boy. One parent explained, "We have no sons," and that was all the explanation the teacher needed. If you have no sons, make your daughter into a son. This is an acceptable solution. Since daughters are so dreaded and every family has to have a son, turning a daughter into a son is a reasonable solution and very widely accepted throughout Afghanistan.

Girls in Afghanistan can't go outside without a male escort, even as children. If a young girl is playing outside with a brother close by, though, it's ok. If she has to walk to school (if she gets to go to school), she can do so with a brother. She cannot walk alone and it's not enough to walk with a sister. For a family of girls to have any chance of a future at all, at least one of those girls has to pass herself off as a boy.

There are many rules for girls and women in Afghanistan. All these rules are made and reinforced by men. However, some women also uphold and enforce the rules. The author points out that a society is not truly oppressed until they oppress one another. Women who have capitulated to the rules, for any reason (even forced), oppress other women in an effort to force them to also capitulate to the rules. There are very few rules for boys and men in Afghanistan. Those who make the rules are rarely held to the rules.

Interestingly, some fathers want their daughters to get an education, have a career and even serve in government offices. These fathers are also beaten down by the culture and, to a large extent, not able to help their daughters accomplish these goals.

This seems like patriarchy in the extreme. This seems like behavior we would never see in the west or in western culture. But, sadly, we do see similar behaviors in the west, of all places, in the church.

I'm not talking about some segments of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which practice polygamy and oppression of women more openly. I'm talking about the average fundamental, evangelical church in America and the places these American churches have sent missionaries. The vast majority of these churches teach and practice oppression of women.

This oppressive culture, mentioned in the Pii Report done on ABWE (Association of Baptists for World Evangelism) after Donn Ketcham's pedophile acts, and subsequent cover ups, were revealed, and continues to be present in churches and evangelical organizations. Women continue to be sidelined. False interpretations of Scripture continue to be prominent and misused in an attempt to intimidate women, often causing them to doubt their own relationship with God.

Do you have any idea how far this oppression goes? Look around you. It's highly likely a woman or girl was assaulted or abused in your church - recently. Those of us who work with these women are aware of how frequent this is. Their pastors generally live in a state of ignorance or denial, thinking it can't happen in his church.

It's happening.
Patriarchy is the crux of the problem.
Rid your church of patriarchy and you will rid yourself of much of the abuse.

What's happening in Afghanistan with bacha posh is not as far-fetched as you might think. Did you know that J.K.Rowling used her initials for her name because she's a woman and her publisher didn't think people would buy such a book from a woman? Yes, look it up; it's true. So, here we have a modern, European woman pretending to be a man, or at least veiling the fact that she's a woman, in order to accomplish something women are not "permitted" to accomplish by cultural standards.

And some people, evangelical pastors especially, think there's no problem at all.
Their ignorance is blinding to me.

~Tricia
Photo courtesy of Imagebase.

Hats Off to These Millennials!

My son goes to the local community college near our town. During the election, he got into a couple discussions with his fellow students. My son is the only one who defended Donald Trump in their discussions.

I was a little nervous for him to go back to class on Wednesday morning this week because, seeing so much hate on the news and internet, I wondered to myself if he would face harsh language or treatment for his defense of President-Elect Trump.

When he got to class, his fellow students, instead of showing hatred and intolerance for him, congratulated him on "his" candidate winning. He, in turn, told them Hillary Clinton had put up a good fight.

They were decent to each other, listened to each other with intent to understand and continue to study together, helping each other further their educations.

Not all millennials are rioting. Not all millennials are whining. Not all millennials are intolerant.

What we see in the news are some spoiled millennials, but they do not represent the millennials I know. They don't represent my kids.....all 8 of whom are tolerant, kind and non-destructive in the face of disappointment. Not all 8 of my kids agree with my political positions, either, nor do they all vote the way I vote.

So, take heart! Hats off to these millennials in my son's class who are mature and have shown respect.

~Tricia

The Polls, The Truth and the Shock

I sat in amazement as the media grew more and more shocked at the election last night. The journalists and advisers, the pollsters and commentators were nearly all shocked at the direction the election went last night.

I was not.

My husband and I have had an ongoing discussion about the election. He would cite the polls and tell me how they favored Hillary Clinton; I would cite Facebook live results, which differed greatly from the polls.

He would say that the polls were usually right, were scientifically conducted and had proven themselves over time. I would respond with how Facebook live was made up of real people in real time and they were leaning heavily toward Trump.

My Facebook "polling" was unscientific, but I think the pollsters should take a look at this. Whenever Donald Trump was on Facebook live, there were literally tens of thousands likes and hearts displayed and very few angry faces.

But, when Hillary was live on Facebook, I saw tens of thousands of angry faces and very few likes or hearts.

Facebook represents real people in real time, expressing their feelings on the spot. Seeing Facebook results showed that Donald Trump was going to win.

~Tricia

The Big Decision

I'm waiting for the "big decision" that my husband has to make in which he has to override everyone else in the family and have the final say.

I frequently get warned about the "big decision" that some people believe is inevitable. When talking with Christian people about marriage, some people believe the husband, as "leader" of the family, will ultimately have to make some big decision that the wife will have to submit to and this will fulfill their "God-given roles" in marriage.

In 37 years of marriage while raising 8 kids, we have never, ever come across the scenario of the "big decision." 

Oh, we've made plenty of big decisions over the years, but we've made them together. If we disagreed over the decision, it was tabled until we could agree. Not once did my husband bring down the hammer and decide we are going to do something I was against.

Because I waited for the big decision and it never came, I have a few thoughts on the subject. Our marriage is one of teamwork and we are co-leaders within our family. Co-leadership is how we formed our family and how we raised 8 kids. I never used the "wait till your father gets home" mentality on my kids because they knew I have as much authority as their dad.

When we were first married, I didn't know I was a full partner in the relationship, so I would sometimes wait to talk to him before I made even small decisions for myself. I was very insecure and the teachings of our church at the time reinforced that. My husband would have none of it, however. He would respond with, "Why are you asking me?" I had no reply for that. I had no idea why I was asking him. I quickly realized that I did not have to give up personal decision making when I got married. I learned what submission is not.

Most people who argue for the big decision do so because they view it as an act of leadership. Even if the husband was the sole leader of the family, what kind of leadership would it be if he could (and did) trump every decision for the entire family for all time? That would not be leadership, that would be dictatorship and dictatorship is not what God has called husbands to. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. How did Christ love the church? By sacrificing everything. Everything. He sacrificed everything and set her free.

Many teach that the male leadership in a family is introduced and confirmed in Genesis 3:16, which reads, "Unto the woman He said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."  They teach this as God's ideal....that Genesis 3:16 is God's ideal. Is it? How could it be? God created an ideal world - the Garden of Eden - then humans brought sin into it and God punished all involved, the serpent, the woman and the man, He cursed the ground and kicked them out of the Garden of Eden.

This is not ideal. When God told Eve that her husband would rule over her, it was not a command to Adam. It was a prediction, a result of sin. A husband ruling over a wife is a result of sin, not a standard God set up to meet. It is not a goal. God was speaking directly to Eve. At no time did He tell Adam to rule over her; He warned her that he would rule over her; that is not a command for her to submit to any type of rule. Some men even take this so far as to think all men are to rule over all women. This quickly became a cultural norm across the planet and women have had to fight for even basic rights even in developed countries. In the USA, women had to fight to vote less than 100 years ago. Many of the women who fought for the right to vote were arrested, punished and some even killed.

However, how far did Christ's work on the cross go? Did he eradicate the curse? Certainly there are still thorns in the ground, yet we have highly effective ways to get rid of them. Certainly many people still till the ground to grow food, but farmers in developing countries have air conditioned tractors, so are not working by the sweat of their brow as much. And farmers are few and far between in developed countries; most people work in climate controlled buildings. Even childbirth is far less painful than it used to be; drugs are a wonder. (This one I know from experience...I've given birth to 8 people, some of them completely pain-free.)

While there is no command for husbands to rule over wives, there is a command for husbands to love their wives as sacrificially as Christ loves the church. This is the goal; this is the command. Those who tout "ruling over" as the goal via Genesis 3:16 are wrong. They are not teaching what the Bible teaches; they are teaching the traditions of men. Do not listen to them. The Garden of Eden was God's ideal. Mankind ruined it by bringing sin into it. God gave us a way to escape, however, and this should be our focus. Men who are focused on the Savior are not preoccupied with submission, rulership and other things that distract from the gospel.

Wives, there is no "big decision" where your husband has to trump everyone else in the family, including you, to show his manliness or perceived headship. Jesus was the ultimate example of submission. He submitted Himself to death....even the death of the cross.....for us. He did not hesitate to listen to, appoint and call women to do His work when He walked this earth. When you find a man who is willing to submit to sacrificing all for you, you have found a real man.

Real men don't tout "headship" or "leadership" in their marriage relationship. Real men sacrifice every single thing for their wives. Everything.

~Tricia