Does your Outfit Make you a Rapist?

Amid all the revelations of abuse by people like Matt Lauer, Roy Moore and others in the news, I can't help but think of all the abuse going on within the church. There is no less abuse going on in the churches than there is in Hollywood, politics and the news media outlets, it's just kept even quieter.

While there seem to be many reasons this is so blatantly common, there is one common thread that will ensure it will continue: blaming the victims. One person described what she considered provocative dressing as "reverse sexual harassment." She said that women who dress "like current celebrities" are "just as guilty of sexual misconduct as men."

This equates dress with rape.
Wear the wrong outfit and you're guilty of rape, abuse and violence against women??
Oh, my.
NO!

This is wrong.
This attitude is part of the problem.
This attitude fuels a culture of abuse.

As long as men are given this type of pass, they will continue to abuse. Dress doesn't matter in the least. Women in Burqas are raped and abused all the time; it's rampant. Nuns in Habits have been raped and abused.

As long as people in your church have this attitude, you can be sure abuse is going on behind some closed door somewhere in the building, or behind a car in the parking lot, or in a quiet hallway after a youth meeting, and it will continue to go on. I guarantee it. It's happening every single week. And just like ABWE*, church leadership - all made up of men and men, only - will blame the victim. This guarantees it will continue. These men have to keep the women out of leadership in order for their abusive ways to continue.

Get your head out of the sand, people.

The problem is not how women dress. The problem lies with the abuser, in this case, men. The problem is patriarchy, a system that forces women to share part of the blame for the sins of men.

I don't care how someone is dressed, no one has a right to rape, abuse, touch, intimidate and threaten them.

Those who blame the victim on any level are part of the problem.

Fixing this culture of abuse starts with educating our sons that they are entitled to nothing....that sex is not a need....that aggressive behavior will not be tolerated.....that they are not better than women and God did not give them exclusive rights to leadership.

It also starts with teaching our daughters that they are the boss of their own bodies, even after marriage, and they do not "owe" their husbands sex. We have to teach our daughters that their relationship with God is not filtered through their father or husband, that they should have a voice in their church and can refuse to be part of a church that will not allow it, and that they, too, can be leaders.

I have to speak out against this kind of thinking lest any victim anywhere would think I agree with the idea that any victim is partially to blame.

People in prominent positions in conservative Christian organizations try to silence me on this all the time.

(*ABWE is the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism whose prized doctor, Donn Ketcham, created an entire system of abuse in Bangladesh to fuel his pedophilia, abusing nationals as well as fellow missionaries and their children. When the children grew up and started telling their stories, ABWE blamed them, tried to silence them, and wouldn't listen to them, yet exalted the doctor and allowed him to go into private practice in the States with no disclosure. There, he was given free reign to abuse even more victims and is only now, in his eighties, facing the charges. ABWE keeps going as though nothing happened, leaving the victims in their dust and calling themselves righteous.)

~Tricia

Why ABWE Needs to Shut Down

My husband and I have been silenced about abuse. When we lived in MN and my husband tried to get the state Baptist Fellowship to even be aware of Gordon Larson's inappropriate relationships with other women, he was ridiculed, silenced and shamed. No one would listen. Now, Gordon Larson, a former pastor of a GARBC church, is now serving a life sentence in the WI State Prison for sexually abusing his own daughter.

And we tried to warn them.

And they would not listen.

And many are not listening when it comes to ABWE. Many of us have tried and tried to ask some important questions of ABWE and its missionaries, to no avail. They simply won't answer us.

Two days ago, Kathryn Joyce published an article in the New Republic Magazine that blew ABWE's continued wrong attitude wide open again. Yet, I doubt anyone who works with ABWE will care. In this article, there are so many good quotes, but the one standing out in my mind is:

The group’s current president, Al Cockrell, responded to questions by issuing a statement. He suggested that PII’s report may include unspecified “misinterpretations or errors,” 

It did go on to say, 

but acknowledged that it contains “absolute facts” showing that “past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Don Ketcham,” and “utterly failed in our response to his victims.”

Let me tell you what's wrong with this statement. First of all, Al Cockrell makes sure to cast doubt on the victims by saying that the Pii Report "may include unspecified 'misinterpretations or errors,'" but he does not clarify what those "misinterpretations or errors" are or even could be. This leaves the reader to reach their own conclusion...this opens the door to doubt about the victims' accounts of what happened. To make an open-ended statement that in any way casts doubt on the victims, or even leaves room for doubt, is irresponsible "leadership." 

The article also states that Al Cockrell acknowledged that the report contains "absolute facts" but he does not specify what facts are absolute! Again, this leaves room for doubt.

How can ABWE think that someone who would be so careless be considered a viable leader of an organization supposedly representing the Living God? 

The fact that Al Cockrell said "past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Donn Ketcham" is easy to say because he's flinging blame behind himself to the past, not onto himself and what he has done/said and is doing now., which is casting doubt. What he's doing now is irresponsible, not showing accountability and not giving these victims their due respect. 

Casting doubt on them in any way, shape or form undoes what ABWE thinks they accomplished in their faux apologies and efforts to "make things right."

I am sickened by this latest display of dishonor by ABWE.

There is so much more I want to address from this article.

UPDATE TO THIS BLOG POST, SEPT 4, 2019:
As of today, 9.4.2019, Al Cockrell is no longer president of ABWE, Paul Davis was appointed president in 2017. Paul Davis served on the board of directors with ABWE and was part of the massive cover-up ABWE inflicted on Donn Ketcham's victims and part of the continuing culture of abuse within ABWE. 

~Tricia

Pedophile in the Pulpit

This article in the Austin Daily Herald shows that justice has finally been served to a horrid pedophile who got away with his crimes for decades. He not only got away with them, he stood up each week in the pulpit, his congregational leaders fully aware of some of his crimes before they even brought him there. By looking the other way, they are guilty of allowing a pedophile to defile the children in their own ministry....their own children! Do they think it can't happen to them?

We knew he had issues and when some of his other sins were found out, we begged and begged the state Baptist leadership to look into him and do their own investigation. They would not. Instead, they actually accused us of "always stirring up trouble." We were not stirring up trouble; we were warning of the trouble already stirred up and worried sick about his victims. I still am worried about them.

Our warnings and pleas for independent investigations went unheard. No one would listen when we told them he had some questionable behaviors that needed investigation. Turns out, many of them already knew and didn't care! They continued to praise him and give him ministry responsibilities.

There are a few other men whom we suspect in that town. We've only had enough solid evidence to warn about one specifically and I'm happy to see that the current leadership of Grace Baptist Church, the church this pedophile was pastor of, has kept this other man out of their nursery so far.

Click here to read the entire article.

I will never be afraid to speak out about pedophiles, even if I go unheard.
I will continue to tip newspapers and get these things in print.
I will continue to warn people so that I might prevent just one more victim.

To his victims, I'm so, so sorry for what he did to you. We did try to stop him. They would not listen. We were stopping him for you. I hope you all feel some relief knowing he's in prison. I hope this gives you a sense of vindication. This is all for you, so that you know he's locked up and can't hurt anyone else, so that you no longer have to fear him in any way.

~Tricia

No One Would Listen

Much to my relief, there is finally an article spelling out what we suspected, but couldn't prove, about a former pastor in Austin, MN. We tried to stop him. We had questions about this man and we tried to get local and statewide investigations going, to no avail. They laughed in our faces and praised and defended this pedophile to our faces. Shame on them.

It's news now. Read the article here.

No one would listen.

~Tricia