Is Your Church Listening to Rachael Denhollander?

Church leaders should be flocking to read Rachael Denhollander's interview with Christianity Today. Pastors ought to take notes. Mothers who send their kids to the nursery, or children's church, or youth group need to read this, digest it, then read it again. You can read it by clicking here.

Rachael Denhollander ought to be in the pulpit, teaching congregations what forgiveness really is and preaching about seeking justice for the abused and be a voice for the silenced and victimized.

This strong young woman left no stone unturned. A few things rang very loud to me and I want to highlight those here. But, first, I want to say that Rachael experienced exactly what every other abuse victim experiences in the church: No one will listen.

My favorite parts of this interview are many:

We can tend to gloss over the devastation of any kind of suffering but especially sexual assault, with Christian platitudes like God works all things together for good or God is sovereign. Those are very good and glorious biblical truths, but when they are misapplied in a way to dampen the horror of evil, they ultimately dampen the goodness of God. Goodness and darkness exist as opposites. If we pretend that the darkness isn’t dark, it dampens the beauty of the light.

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When asked, Where did you find an answer? (To doubting God's goodness), she replied,

Going to Scripture directly.

There is no substitute. She did not go to the latest Bible study book by some well-known author. She did not seek out a publishing house or commentary or even a sermon or a conversation with a friend.

She went to the Scriptures directly and found the answers....all the answers.

They, the answers, are there.

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Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim. There is an abhorrent lack of knowledge for the damage and devastation that sexual assault brings. It is with deep regret that I say the church is one of the worst places to go for help. That’s a hard to thing to say, because I am a very conservative evangelical, but that is the truth. There are very, very few who have ever found true help in the church.

It is beyond sad to me that the church is considered one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse. This is true of the vast majority of evangelical churches. This has to change. The path to change is going to be hard, but it is possible. More on this later.

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When asked what happened when she told her church she was going to speak up about what happened to her. she said in part:

 .......my status as a victim was used against my advocacy.

......rather than engaging with the mountains of evidence that I brought, because this situation was one of the most well-documented cases of institutional cover-up I have ever seen, ever, there was a complete refusal to engage with the evidence.

I have seen this happen time and time again. It's almost an automatic response. This response is so far from what the Bible teaches that one has to wonder how any church leadership can do this. Rather than realize a victim's advocacy is borne out of their victimization, making them especially qualified to be that advocate, church leadership dismisses it as biased. 

Who better to advocate for victims than another victim?

Certainly a bunch of men sitting around making rules for their church is not more qualified.

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When you support an organization that has been embroiled in a horrific 30-year cover-up of sexual assault, you know what that communicates to the world and what it communicates to other enablers and abusers within your own church. It’s very obvious that they are not going to speak out against sexual assault when it’s in their own community.

When reading this statement, I reminded myself that she was not talking about ABWE, the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism, a mission agency that allowed a pedophile doctor to practice his pedophilia in Bangladesh then covered it up for him for decades. Some leaders within ABWE, even to this day, are ones who were part of the cover-up. 

Her last sentence, "It's very obvious that they are not going to speak out against sexual assault when it's in their own community," speaks to ABWE as much as USA Gymnastics.

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When asked, "Why are we capable of seeing evil in other communities but not our own?" She responded, in part:

One of the dynamics that you see in a Christian church that is particularly devastating is poor theology. 

But often, if not always, people are motivated by poor theology and a poor understanding of grace and repentance and that causes them to handle sexual assault in a way where that a lot of predators go unchecked, often for decades. 

Poor theology. But, how can that be? How can one go to an evangelical Christian church and have poor theology? Isn't the preaching, the main avenue of teaching theology, enough?

It is not enough because pastors are not preaching, they are regurgitating what they've read in the latest commentary or book they've read. They are not expounding God's Word, they are expounding mankind's words. They are not citing Truth, they are citing catch phrases and acronyms. 

This has led to poor theology. This has led to a massive famine of doctrine.

People have become afraid of doctrine and want to feel good, have their comforts handed to them and go home to their first-world, privileged lives feeling like they are going to see special blessings from God because they "obeyed" Him and went to church.

Um, I hate to break it to you, but that's not how it works.

Rachael is 100% right.....poor theology contributes greatly to the problem of abuse within the church.

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When asked if she was apprehensive in telling her abuser she forgives him, she said, in full:

I did to an extent, because forgiveness can really be misapplied. Taken within the context of my statement, with the call for justice and with what I have done to couple forgiveness and justice, it should not be misunderstood. But I have found it very interesting, to be honest, that every single Christian publication or speaker that has mentioned my statement has only ever focused on the aspect of forgiveness. Very few, if any of them, have recognized what else came with that statement, which was a swift and intentional pursuit of God’s justice. Both of those are biblical concepts. Both of those represent Christ. We do not do well when we focus on only one of them.

This has also been our experience.

Focusing only on the forgiveness aspect of this is misguided thinking.

It is Secular Humanism, something very few Christians recognize.

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When asked what it means for her to forgive her abuser, she said, in full:

It means that I trust in God’s justice and I release bitterness and anger and a desire for personal vengeance. It does not mean that I minimize or mitigate or excuse what he has done. It does not mean that I pursue justice on earth any less zealously. It simply means that I release personal vengeance against him, and I trust God’s justice, whether he chooses to mete that out purely, eternally, or both in heaven and on earth.

It's incredibly sad and disheartening to me that so few Christians understand this.

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The first thing that has to happen to help this change in the church's response to sexual abuse to take place is, patriarchy has to die. 

Patriarchy gives power and there is no place for power in any church.

Pastors/deacons/elders/leaders are not in a position of power, they are in a position of servanthood. 

If there is no position of power, there can be no abuse of power.

If you have kids, you are their authority, not the pastor/deacon/elder/leader. 

You are the authority over everyone when it comes to your kids.

Read Rachael's interview.

Take notes.

~Tricia

Is Your Pastor a Criminal? (It's more likely than you think.)

Another pastor's sexual abuse of a minor came to light recently. You can read about it here in Amy Smith's blog, Watch Keep.

The young woman was 17 years old when her youth pastor took her out to an isolated place at night and sexually assaulted her. Immediately after the horrific act, he "apologized" and then instructed her to keep it quiet and "take it to the grave."

Some people, even people in her own church, believe she was a "willing participant" and even an "opportunistic woman."

The church was not a safe place for this young woman. She suffered the worst devastation of her life in, and because of, the church.

People, this is preventable. One of the problems with abuse in the church is people's fear of talking about it. The church likes to keep their sin quiet so the world doesn't find out. This is why many perpetrators seek churches specifically as a place to find their victims. They know their secrets are more likely to stay secret in a church more than any other place on the planet. So, they go to churches, they put on the costume of righteousness and they begin grooming their victims.

So, the first thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Stop the silence.

Another thing perpetrators do is make sure their victims are seen as equally responsible for the abuse. This is done by making sure the victim is somehow framed in a negative light. In the young woman's story referenced above, she was immediately painted as "unforgiving" and "bitter" because she spoke out. She was told not even to talk to her own parents! She was not validated or treated with respect. He abused her, he gave her a faux apology, then painted her as the problem for her "unforgiveness." Realize this is part of the grooming; a part of the plan from the start. There is no reactionary behavior from the perpetrator....his actions are all planned out from the start, even his "faux apologies."

So, the second thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Keep all blame on the perpetrator.

In this particular case, this youth pastor's superiors went along with his cover-up. The girl was so traumatized that she finally said something to some trusted women in the church. Oh, but those women weren't to be trusted because they went right to the pastors and the girl got in trouble for telling! They should have gone to the authorities. She was further traumatized and further victimized by her own fellow church members. Gossip ensued, making everything worse, which it always does. What should have happened: the authorities should have been called and it should have been reported. The act itself is criminal and not reporting such an act is also criminal. So, at that point, you have criminals - people actively breaking the law - running your church. And, in this case, the perp got a standing ovation. My word.

So, the third thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Report the abuse to the authorities.

Some people think that if it's handled "internally" within the church, it's over. However, the law of the land, which we are commanded in Scripture to obey, says otherwise. We don't get to decide which points of the law we obey.

If your church is known for not being silent, for not blaming victims and for calling the authorities on criminals, a perpetrator is more likely to look elsewhere for victims. You see, perpetrators scout out their victims. They don't wake up and randomly find a victim....oh, no....they plan, plot, set themselves in a position to do their dastardly deeds and groom their victims carefully. That grooming takes time, is done meticulously and done with intent. A perpetrator will know if your church allows these things to be "handled internally" or if they are handled properly and legally. This is part of their scouting process; they have to know how a church will handle them.

If your church handles things "internally," you are more likely to have perpetrators in your midst.

This can be prevented. It doesn't have to happen.
More to come on this subject. One blog post can't possibly cover every point.
~Tricia

Why ABWE Needs to Shut Down

My husband and I have been silenced about abuse. When we lived in MN and my husband tried to get the state Baptist Fellowship to even be aware of Gordon Larson's inappropriate relationships with other women, he was ridiculed, silenced and shamed. No one would listen. Now, Gordon Larson, a former pastor of a GARBC church, is now serving a life sentence in the WI State Prison for sexually abusing his own daughter.

And we tried to warn them.

And they would not listen.

And many are not listening when it comes to ABWE. Many of us have tried and tried to ask some important questions of ABWE and its missionaries, to no avail. They simply won't answer us.

Two days ago, Kathryn Joyce published an article in the New Republic Magazine that blew ABWE's continued wrong attitude wide open again. Yet, I doubt anyone who works with ABWE will care. In this article, there are so many good quotes, but the one standing out in my mind is:

The group’s current president, Al Cockrell, responded to questions by issuing a statement. He suggested that PII’s report may include unspecified “misinterpretations or errors,” 

It did go on to say, 

but acknowledged that it contains “absolute facts” showing that “past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Don Ketcham,” and “utterly failed in our response to his victims.”

Let me tell you what's wrong with this statement. First of all, Al Cockrell makes sure to cast doubt on the victims by saying that the Pii Report "may include unspecified 'misinterpretations or errors,'" but he does not clarify what those "misinterpretations or errors" are or even could be. This leaves the reader to reach their own conclusion...this opens the door to doubt about the victims' accounts of what happened. To make an open-ended statement that in any way casts doubt on the victims, or even leaves room for doubt, is irresponsible "leadership." 

The article also states that Al Cockrell acknowledged that the report contains "absolute facts" but he does not specify what facts are absolute! Again, this leaves room for doubt.

How can ABWE think that someone who would be so careless be considered a viable leader of an organization supposedly representing the Living God? 

The fact that Al Cockrell said "past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Donn Ketcham" is easy to say because he's flinging blame behind himself to the past, not onto himself and what he has done/said and is doing now., which is casting doubt. What he's doing now is irresponsible, not showing accountability and not giving these victims their due respect. 

Casting doubt on them in any way, shape or form undoes what ABWE thinks they accomplished in their faux apologies and efforts to "make things right."

I am sickened by this latest display of dishonor by ABWE.

There is so much more I want to address from this article.

UPDATE TO THIS BLOG POST, SEPT 4, 2019:
As of today, 9.4.2019, Al Cockrell is no longer president of ABWE, Paul Davis was appointed president in 2017. Paul Davis served on the board of directors with ABWE and was part of the massive cover-up ABWE inflicted on Donn Ketcham's victims and part of the continuing culture of abuse within ABWE. 

~Tricia

More on Fixing the Culture of Abuse in ABWE and the Church

In order for abuse to happen, there needs to be at least 2 participants: the abuser and the victim. How each ends up in their roles is not a mystery. Abusers seek victims and intentionally look for specific weaknesses they perceive in people. The overwhelming majority of victims are women and children, but that's not to say men are never victims. Men are surely abuse victims as well.

For the purpose of this blog post, I'm going to focus on male abusers since it was a man who abused so many in ABWE. He chose the weak ones.....the children....and he weakened their potential advocates, the women. This was not an accident. This was intentional.

Because patriarchy within Baptist circles exalts men and minimizes women, it was easy for Donn Ketcham to carry out his abuse. It was easy to carry out......it was easy to carry on.......it was easy to hide.....it was easy to keep hidden.

It's easy to hide abuse while in a room filled with men who call themselves godly and exalt themselves above the rest of the population. I see pictures of these men sitting in these rooms all the time.....they make rules for the women and they dominate the children. They often use phrases like, "I will not sacrifice godliness," or "We must be sure we honor the Lord," or "We cannot sacrifice righteousness." Trouble is, they have no idea what godliness, honor and righteousness look like because they are simply looking in mirrors while giving those labels to their own selves.

Newsflash: Men who call themselves godly are not godly.
Newsflash: Men who name a "ministry" after themselves are not godly.

Get this.
Understand this.

I have met many men who tell me they are godly. They do this in an attempt to humble me in some way so that I will submit to them. They exalt their opinions above mine, cite Scripture out of context to "prove" their point and often interrupt, twist and minimize anything I might have to say. This is a very common practice among Baptists. I see right through men like that. Poor little men.

Women, we do not have to submit to these men. This will stop abuse within the church and within the mission boards and other agencies related to and working with the church. Stop submitting to men.

What about our husbands? Submission has to be defined as the Bible presents it, not as western culture presents it.

1. Submission does not mean we compromise our pursuit of Christ. If your husband doesn't pursue Christ as strongly as you, leave him in the dust and pursue without him. Let no one get in the way of your pursuit of Christ. This really says it all. Go after Jesus....alone.

2. Submission does not mean obedience. We are grown women; we do not have to obey a husband like we had to obey our fathers at home. Your husband is not your boss. He is your partner. He has equal say, not final say.

3. Submission does not mean self-effacing. We are Daughters of Abraham. It is not becoming to minimize ourselves so that some man looks more important. That is not becoming to a Daughter of Abraham.

4. Submission is not just for women. God told Abraham to submit to Sarah. King David submitted to Abigail. The list goes on.

Girls, I truly believe it's women who will lead the fight on abuse within the church. Take a stand. Do not attend a church that tolerates abuse. Confront men who minimize you. Do not compromise your walk with Christ. Look to Jesus, not your husband, for your faith and courage. Do not allow submission to be put over you like a blanket while some man calls it "godly." It is not.

Pursue Christ alone.
~Tricia

What Do You Need? (Hint, it's not Sex)

ISIS captures women and young girls to use as sex slaves because they feel their fighters need sex.

There is an entire underground system for human sex trafficking in the US and other civilized countries because the men who participate think they need sex.

Some conservative Baptists and other evangelicals believe and teach that sex is a need.

On Facebook recently, a friend posted 6 things a mom should teach her son, then she invited others to add to that list. I added a few but only one caused any trouble. I stated that moms should teach their sons that sex is not a need. My friend argued a little, then suddenly wanted to shut the conversation down. I felt I should clarify my position and said as much.

Enter a complete stranger, a man, to set me straight. This man (I assume he's not a boy) told me I am wrong about this issue and accused me of having to have the last word simply because I tried to clarify my position.

I am not wrong. Sex is not a need.

You need food.
You need clothing.
You need shelter.
You need medicine at certain times.
You do not need sex.
(Procreation aside.)

This is not a popular idea among some Christians I've talked to lately. Many people become disrespectful, sarcastic and mean when it comes to hearing that sex is not a need. It's as though they're afraid their wife will find out they are abusing her in the bedroom so they have to protect their lie at any cost.

The man who inserted himself into the online conversation has a few problems. He was immediately defensive and small (indicating his doubt about his own position), he tried to divert the attention off the subject by attacking me, personally (even though he doesn't even know me) and accusing me of having to have the last word (an indication that he thinks he knows my motives) and he misused Scripture to try to prove "his" point, which has no foundation in Scripture.

This is typical behavior, quite predictable. All abusers act the same; they all use the same playbook. This makes them easy to spot, which is good for the rest of us.

Sex is not a need.
It is a wonderful, powerful, God-given, love-expressing privilege.
But, you will not die without it.
It is not a need.

~Tricia

A Personal Story of Spiritual Abuse (A Glimpse inside The Agape Players)

 

I had been a Christian for just a few short months when I auditioned and was accepted to travel with a singing/drama group, The Agape Players. I knew nothing of the Bible, did not know how to study or articulate anything outside of my own experience, and even that was cloudy.

What I had done before going with the group was memorize Scripture and hear my pastor tell me over and over again that I didn't have to take anyone's word for anything the Bible said because I could look it up for myself.

Finding things out for myself was a completely new concept for me. For me to be considered as someone who could actually know something was a foreign idea to me. All my life I had few choices. I generally felt confused and alone, despite the fact that I had seven siblings. My dad was an alcoholic, very violent and reminded me often how stupid I was.

Finding out I could actually read the Bible for myself and make my own spiritual decisions was beyond my comprehension. But, I watched and listened and learned. And, unexpectedly to even myself, I grew in my faith.

When I got to Tampa, Florida to begin training with The Agape Players, the young man who had taken me to church to hear about Jesus, the young man to whom I was engaged by then, committed suicide by throwing himself off the town's water tower. I was in Florida; I could not travel back to Ohio for his funeral or for any comfort from home.

The leaders of The Agape Players, Rocky and Alice Adkins,  took me to their hotel suite that night and tried to comfort me. All I remember doing is sleeping and crying. The next day, it was practice and rehearsals as usual. But I was undone. Except for my grandpa when I was nine years old, no one I knew had ever died. I had no idea what to feel/say/do/react. I cried inconsolably at times without seeing it coming.

Later that day, the day after I found out he was dead, Alice came to get me and she sat me down and took my face in her hands and told me to stop crying right then and there. She got very close to my face and told me I had cried all night and enough was enough and I was to never, ever cry about this again, nor was I to speak of him ever again. She said I was being ridiculous and disruptive with all this crying and she wasn't going to have it. She said that if she ever caught me crying or talking about him, I would be sent home immediately.

And that was that, at least Alice thought so. But, I did cry, at night, alone. And in the shower. And in the bathroom. And whenever I was alone, (which was not often since we even showered together some of the time, in the name of saving water).

Then they put me on "The Diet." I weighed 98 pounds when I first arrived, but had gained 3 pounds and was now "grossly overweight" at 101 pounds. So, I was put on "The Diet" to lose all this gross weight. Because I had been, according to Rocky and Alice, so careless with my weight and gained those horrid three pounds, they decided I should then weigh 96 pounds, losing an additional two pounds in hopes that it would teach me my lesson, so suddenly I was an even worse five whole, gross pounds overweight. This would not do.

Alice took me aside and told me that I was out of God's will because God said that "a false balance is an abomination to the Lord," quoting Proverbs 11:1, and that "a just weight is his delight." and I was not pleasing God at all in being so overweight and He would deal with me if I didn't lose that five pounds and weigh 96 pounds. They had public weigh-ins where many times, the guys weighed the girls and announced the weight out loud for all to hear. Imagine my horror when this guy said, out loud, "Oh, wow, still at 101! C'mon, girl, you have to lose this!" I would hang my head in shame, then secretly eat chocolate.

But, something didn't feel right to me. I could not have told you what it was to save my life, but it just didn't feel right. I didn't know what else to do, so I questioned Alice. She and Rocky had set themselves up as the authorities in my life. They owned The Agape Players, they had all authority over my daily schedule, my diet and what I talked and grieved about. I simply asked Alice why God wanted me to weigh 96 pounds and where in the Bible I could find this information for myself.

And Alice, always filled with drama, began to sing. I felt awkward. She and I were the only people in the room, yet she was singing and that felt odd to me. After she sang, she looked at me very closely and said, "You will not, you cannot, understand these things. You are such a sinner. You are still a sinner. I am not a sinner any more. I have grown to the point of no more sin in my spiritual walk. This is why I am in charge here. This is why God gave me the leadership here. So, you cannot ask questions since you are still such a sinner. You do not get to question me."

Nothing of this felt right to me. I did not respond to Alice when she was in my face telling me all this. I simply sat and listened and quietly determined that I had to find out for myself. Somehow. I had to know if my 101 pounds was really an abomination to the Lord. I had to find out if Alice was no longer a sinner. I had to find out if it was right to only grieve for a day after such a loss as I had suffered.

I stayed with the group for that year, as I had signed on for a year and had to honor that contract. But, I was filled with inexplicable relief when my year was over and could not wait to leave.

Years later, Rocky and Alice had troubles of their own. While they were busy being in charge of us down to our diets and spiritual teachings, Rocky was busy raping some of the young men who had joined the group. He sexually abused countless young men, and Alice knew and hid this sin, all while they were holding themselves up as the righteous ones. The ones who were no longer sinners. The ones whom God had gifted with leadership.

They used their experience and leadership as proof of God's blessings on them, blessings they claimed came from their righteous living. Blessings they claim came as a reward for their obedience to God. Blessings they claim were a result of their own faithfulness.

They were able to keep this abuse quiet even after the group disbanded. A local newspaper in Lake Wales, FL announced their decision to disband, but said, "Officials for the group are not explaining the reasons for the action." Of course they are not going to explain the reasons for the action. They can't bring themselves to say that Rocky Adkins was a pedophile who sexually abused the young men in the group while his wife, Alice, watched and hid the actions.

So, this might be why, when I see people misuse my precious Scriptures and take things out of context to prove some human point or to sell a book, I speak up about it. To this day, others who were involved with The Agape Players are very quiet about what Rocky and Alice did.

I will continue to speak up about spiritual, physical, emotional and all kinds of abuse.
I will speak up.
I realize this is long. Thanks for hanging on to the end.
~Tricia

Poor Little Perpetrator

Bonhoeffer said, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”

When did the victim become the object of questioning in the church? I've seen this over and over again. Someone is victimized in the church and all eyes look to the perpetrator with a quest to understand why they would do what they are accused of doing. This happens while the victim is either told they need to forgive, or are ignored altogether. This is absolutely infuriating.

Let me give you some examples. These examples are based on real-life, true stories.

First, Sally's story: Fourteen-year-old Sally was molested by a man in the church during a youth event when no one was around for a few minutes. Sally reported this abuse to her mom and word got out when her family tried to get justice and prevent him from hurting someone else. People's responses went like this:

"Oh, I wonder what kind of childhood he had that would make him do that."
"He's always been nice to me."
"I've never seen him do a thing wrong!"
"He's served in this church for years!
"I can't picture him doing that."
"There must be some mistake."
"Sally must have done ......something."

And while all these people are busy taking the perpetrator's side with their words, Sally's life is destroyed, piece by piece. First, her perpetrator took her innocence and violated her. Second, her church family, those she should trust the most next to her own family, betrayed her by shedding doubt on her story in defending him. Third, sympathy for her was quickly minimized while a longing to show compassion for the perpetrator grew. Her family left that church and never went back. Years later, people still wonder why they won't go to that church.

Jack's story:  Ten year old Jack was molested in the men's room at church during the service when he went out to go to the bathroom. A few months later, Jack told his older brother. His brother told their parents. The parents told the pastor, who took it to the deacons. The deacons' response was:

"We need to handle this in a godly way; we need to make sure Mr. Perpetrator has a chance to repent."
"We need to make sure Jack is willing to forgive."
"We need to pray and give Mr. Perpetrator the benefit of the doubt. After all, he's served in this church for decades."
"Jack has made a little trouble; his Sunday School teacher said he often doesn't pay attention."
"Does Jack hang out with those other boys who cause trouble?"
"Jack's mom seems to be seeking revenge. We can't let that happen; we might have to confront her. She needs to be godly and forgive"

And Jack's life spirals out of control and gets no justice. He is told he has to forgive and Mr. Perpetrator is free to attack someone else.

Lois' story: The janitor walked in on Lois as she was using the ladies' room. Embarrassed, Lois quickly confronted him and told him to leave. He was belligerent and would not leave the ladies' room. Lois was shocked at the fact that he was in no way embarrassed or uncomfortable while in there with her and he made no move to leave. As a matter of fact, Lois ended up leaving first!

Upset, Lois called her husband, who told her she needed to inform the senior pastor that night. He happened to be in the building and she did inform him. While waiting for him, she informed the building security person, who called their supervisor. Able to hear her on the other end of the phone, Lois heard her say, "Oh, that doesn't sound like him."

While Lois was assured things would be dealt with that night, they were not, and a week later, the janitor walked into the ladies room again, with no warning. Lois watched from the foyer this time, since she no longer felt safe going into the ladies room. It wasn't until Lois spoke up about it again, and her husband intervened, that the leadership of the church finally made a policy about male janitors entering a ladies room.

As for Lois, she's heard "That doesn't sound like him" so many times from all levels of leadership in the church that she no longer trusts any of them. The janitor told the leadership that he apologized to Lois and they were satisfied with that. However, the janitor did not apologize to Lois, he lied to the leadership, and things were not followed up on. As a matter of fact, he smirks when he sees her. Lois has become disillusioned with her church. She does not feel safe using the ladies room unless there is a large crowd in the building.

Dear Church Leaders:  In cases of abuse, the victim is your priority, not the perpetrator!

Do not show sympathy to the perpetrator at the expense of concern for the victim.

Do not show compassion to the perpetrator while your victim cowers in a corner with no voice.

Abuse of all kinds is happening in the church. The three examples given in this blog are all true and represent the tiniest fraction of abuse I'm aware of, and I'm just one person! Too many people are not only showing more compassion to the abusers, they are turning a deaf ear to the victims, further victimizing them by shedding doubt on them and not speaking out against abuse.

I will not be silent about abuse I see. Whether it's blatant abuse like described above or a bunch of women ruining another person through gossip, I will speak out and I will not be silent about abuse.

Bonhoeffer was right.

~Tricia