Sunday, May 7, 2017

Hey, Church Ladies....You've been Duped!

For the entirety of my Christian walk, from the very start when I was 18 years old and first heard the Gospel of Christ, I was taught that my "role" as a woman was to be a wife and mother, to be submissive, quiet, humble and never be argumentative.

But, that was never "me" as a personality. I was always bold, extroverted, anything but quiet and would argue my point with anyone who would listen. I would listen to people teach about the supposed quiet, godly woman and I would literally think I would never be anything close to godly because I saw no hope of being quiet, submissive and humble.

Being quiet and submissive had only led to trouble in my life. Being bold and speaking out - loudly - was survival for me as a kid. I had to have a voice and it had to be loud at times and it served me well against my violent, alcoholic father who seemed bent on destruction at every turn. It also served me well when interacting with my 7 siblings because I learned early on that if I didn't speak up, and loudly, I might just go hungry. If I wasn't bold and unafraid to step up, I could be left out in the cold, literally sometimes. So, imagine my distress when I found out, through different Christian people, that my very personality was an affront to God, Himself. My first question was, "Why did He make me this way if it's the wrong way to be?"

I had some learning to do, so I began to read God's Word and observe Christian women who held themselves up as "godly." A problem quickly arose. The women I observed were contradicting certain parts of the Bible, sinning in many ways, yet still calling themselves godly. And they weren't submissive at all. They talked the submissive talk, but they did not practice what they preached. While they taught submission, they berated their husbands, belittled them and rolled their eyes, publicly, at things their husbands said and did. This was very confusing to me. I had to find out what God really wanted me to be.

First, I stopped listening to those women, then I began to look to God, alone, through His Word.

Enter Proverbs 31. There are no commands in Proverbs 31. There are no formulas, schedules or how-to instructions. What we have is a beautiful description of a virtuous woman. The words of King Lemuel's mother; her description of a virtuous woman.

Apparently, King Lemuel's mother was very influential in his life. He not only repeated her words, he gave her the credit.I know modern men who don't give their mothers or wives credit for anything, but they take the credit, then minimize it if the one who deserves the credit speaks up about it. King Lemuel was humble, among his other positive traits.

Back to Proverbs 31. For the first 9 verses, she gives him very sound advice, with reasoning thrown in. She encourages him to avoid alcohol so that his judgment will not be clouded and he will not lose sight of the people under oppression. She encourages him to be their voice, to "plead the cause of the poor and needy." Clearly, she was compassionate. She goes into a lengthy description of a woman admired, trusted and virtuous.

Even if you break this down into a simple list, you can clearly see that the virtuous woman was anything but quiet and submissive. She is described as strong and honorable. She is not described as quiet and submissive. It seems that everything all those Christian women told me in the past was wrong. The virtuous woman is the very opposite of what they told me. I was duped! You were duped!

I was told the husband was to be the provider, but verse 15 tells me she provides food for her household. It doesn't say "prepares," it says "provides."

I was told the husband was to make the main decisions in a family (although we never practiced this). Verse 16 tells me she buys real estate based on her own judgment, then after making a profit, she uses that profit to plant a vineyard. Her husband is not mentioned at all...she's making all these decisions herself, without even consulting him, apparently. The Bible says "she," not "they." So much for the husband having the "final say." Also, verse 24 tells me she makes linen garments and sells them and provides sashes for the merchants. Again, this decision is hers, alone. This action is hers, alone.

I was told that wives should stay home and only manage the household, but in verse 14, I see the virtuous woman traveling the world to bring home the best she can find for her family. This is another huge contradiction.

In summary, I don't see a quiet, submissive woman living in the shadow of a husband, waiting on him to make decisions for her or her family. I see a strong, determined, intelligent, hard-working woman living her life and doing what she wants to do with love, compassion and confidence. She made the deals with the merchants. She bought the real estate. She planted the vineyard. She ran the household and her international businesses at the same time. She used her own discernment to decide if a piece of real estate or some merchandise was good. She depended on no one else.

Why, then, do churches teach young women to be quiet and submissive? Shouldn't we be teaching them to be strong, decisive, determined and smart? Shouldn't we be teaching them to get out there and do what they want/can to provide for and enrich their families? The Proverbs 31 woman was not afraid of winter because she took care of her family and servants and knew they would be fine. She saw to this herself, she waited for no one.

Her husband did not supervise her life, did not provide approval or guidance or leadership in any way. He was busy with other businessmen as they all did their own business.

She is described as strong, or having strength at least 3 times in 21 verses. We need to stop telling young wives to be quiet and submissive and start telling them to be strong and decisive.....if we want to teach them to be virtuous women. We need to stop telling young men that they are the "leaders" and, therefore, their wives have to submit to them in ways that the Bible never teaches and never intended. The way it's taught in most churches now is's twisted and has been twisted for decades.

Verse 26 tells me she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. "She opens her mouth....." She's not afraid to speak up to teach with wisdom and she does it with kindness....but she opens her mouth.

Another interesting thing about the virtuous woman is that her husband is never described as "needy." I see women teaching other women that their husband has "needs" (usually a focus on sexual) and she's to meet those "needs" no matter how she feels about it in any given moment.  The virtuous woman's husband is focused on his work and what he needs to do; he's not focused on sex or on making sure his wife is submissive. These two each live their lives with a focus on others, on doing their jobs, taking care of family and business with complete confidence in each other to make their own decisions and do their own business.

Oh, could that be it? Could that be what marriage should look like? Instead of a husband focusing on sex and submission and a wife focusing on making sure she's quiet and submissive, maybe married couples should focus on God, who He made them to be, opportunities He gave them and the best way to use their gifts without holding back. Maybe, just maybe, this is what we need to teach young people and young couples. Strength, not submission, should be a godly wife's story. Surely compassion is up there with strength. Look and see for yourself.

Maybe if those self-proclaimed "godly" women in my life who were gossiping about their husbands and sneering behind their backs could have done better if they were honest with themselves and stopped trying to be "quiet and submissive" and were bold and strong instead. Maybe there would have been no need for the ever-evident resentment their actions so loudly displayed.


Monday, May 1, 2017

Commentaries and Sermon Prep Do Not Mix

Contrary to what some think, I do not hate commentaries. I do, however, think they are highly overused, especially when pastors depend more on them than they do the Bible for their pulpit ministries.

I can always tell when a commentary, rather than the Word of God, has been used in sermon prep. I think it's a shame, too. This practice not only hurts the pastor doing the prep, but it hurts the listeners as well.

I Peter 2:2 tell us, "As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby."

God wisely gives us the perspective of His Word as milk...and not just milk, but sincere milk. As the mom of 8 kids, I can tell you first hand, it's not good for newborn babies to have anything but the sincere milk they need to start off life. With my first baby, my doctor advised me to give him nothing but my milk for at least the first 6 months. No water, No juice. No food. Just the sincere milk of his mama, so that he would grow. While the same applies to non-nursing newborns, they ought to be given the sincere milk of the formula their doctor prescribes. You can't just give a newborn cow's milk, soy milk or almond milk. They need "sincere" milk. They need highly nutritious, high protein, pure milk, either from their mama or specially they can grow properly.

Commentaries are not for newborns. Baby Christians need the sincere milk of the Word of God. They need the real thing, not a watered down version that has lost its potency. They need the pure Word of God, not the opinions of men. Commentaries are the opinions of men. When a pastor heavily uses commentaries for sermon prep, they are giving their people a watered-down version of the Word, not the pure Word. The result is, the people don't grow as they ought. Their behavior might change for a while, but their hearts are not growing, they are only temporarily changing their behavior to please people and try to fit in with everyone else. This is not discipleship, this is cloning. God does not want clones; He did not tell us to make clones. He told us to make disciples.

Pastors, take a look at your sheep. Are they stepping up to serve? If you're begging for helpers and volunteers to teach and no one is stepping up, it could be that they are spiritually malnourished from shallow preaching that has been heavily watered down by commentaries. Babies who are properly fed want to learn all the time, then they want to share that knowledge. It's impossible to stop a properly fed newborn from growing, learning and wanting to share that learning with their world. When babies don't do this, pediatricians call it "failure to thrive" and immediate steps are taken to improve their diet. Are your sheep failing to thrive in their Christian walk?

Commentaries are not for pulpit ministry. Once a person has established their ability to learn from God's Word by personal observation and interpretation, they can begin to refer to a commentary here and there as a reference to see what others have concluded about a passage of Scripture. It's assumed that one who is a pastor has already learned how to make their own personal observations and learned to interpret God's Word properly. If they want to read a commentary to see how their interpretations line up with others who are assumed to be like-minded, then reading a commentary is highly appropriate to their study. However, when a commentary is the first thing a pastor grabs for sermon prep and does not do any of their own observations and interpretation, there is a big weakness in their ability to dig out the Truths in God's Word. This, in turn, leads to a weak pulpit ministry....and weak sheep with a failure to thrive.

Commentaries are not always right. God's Word is always right, but since commentaries are written by humans, we have to assume they have contain mistakes. There is not one commentary that is 100% right 100% of the time. Since it would take a tremendous amount of time to flush out every mistake, why use a faulty guide in the first place? There are no mistakes in God's Word. None. And if one does not feel confident in their ability to observe and interpret, they can be reminded that the perfect Holy Spirit is their Guide.  I do not understand people's insistence on using an imperfect resource as a main resource when the Perfect One is so readily available.

I fear many lay aside God's Word and pick up commentaries first. They ought to lay aside the commentary and pick up God's Word for a change. They might be surprised when their church begins to grow and thrive beyond their expectations. After all, this is how we all grow.


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Some Rubbish for You

Someone recently posted this quote on social media:

..." An important assumption as we begin to pray is that God is absolutely Sovereign. If we are not convinced of this, our praying can amount to nothing more than the desperate cries of the heathen addressing their impotent idols."

I commented "Ridiculous nonsense!" 

Who is this Alan Cairns talking to? Is he talking to Christians? Is he talking to the world? The quote does not tell us, but I will assume from the context of his comment that he's talking to people who claim to be Christians since he says, "we" and I presume he claims to be a Christian.

This quote is filled with Secular Humanism and I'll tell you why.

1. This quote makes people focus on themselves and their own attitude, not on Jesus. Some poor, unsure Christian would see this quote and think...."Oh, my, am I acknowledging that God is absolutely sovereign? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure He is but I don't always see it....I'm not sure if I believe that at this exact moment....oh, man, now God won't hear me and I'm just sounding desperate. I guess I just won't pray today!" 
Built up with pride, one might think, "I'm going to pray today because I am wise enough to acknowledge God's sovereignty so He'll surely listen to ME and answer all my prayers. My prayers go higher than the next guy's because of my decision to acknowledge God's sovereignty. I am so righteous, He just has to hear me! I'll pray, then post it on Facebook so everyone else will know how wise and godly I am. I think everyone will want to be like me....oh! And I could write a book and I'll bet it would sell a million copies. Of course, I'd donate some to missions, but I can just see my book on prayer being a best seller! I've got this!"

2. This quote misrepresents God as Someone Who is waiting for us to get it right rather than the compassionate, loving God He is as He constantly makes intercession for us. He knows and remembers that we are dust. He knows we aren't going to get it right the majority of the time. But, He doesn't care....He says, "Come......"

3. The quote is totally focused on human behavior/responses/attitudes/abilities as though we humans have any power or influence whatsoever on God almighty. We do not.  

4. This, my friends, is Secular Humanism and it has a stronghold on the church. This quote by Alan Cairns has no Biblical basis. He's speaking as a heathen, himself; as one who does not know God at all.

Many Christians  do not recognize Secular Humanism and they end up promoting it unknowingly. You, however, can learn to recognize it so you aren't taken in by it's falsehoods. 

Anything that makes you focus on yourself and your own attitude and not Jesus Christ is Secular Humanism. Learn of Him. Learn from Him. It's all Him. Get out of your own way and stop focusing on what you think you are and what you think you should think/feel/say/do and focus on Him, only. 

Then you won't have to listen to false quotes like the one above and doubt your faith or be built up with pride. 

You will know Him and you will know He is enough.

Don't be fooled by some "eloquent" sounding quote. Hold everything up to God's Word and make sure it's in line with the Scriptures. If not, throw it away; you do not need it. The quote I referenced above is rubbish.


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

This Poor Man

Seriously. This poor man featured in this article is in a sad state. Calling for our president to be hanged, he said, in a tweet,

To save American democracy, Trump must hang.  The sooner and the higher, the better.  #TheResistance#DeathToFascism
— Lars Maischak (@LarsMaischak) February 18, 2017
And that's not the worst of what he said. He also tweeted, 
If only Mary had had an abortion! We would have been spared this Clerical-Fascist crap. 
— Lars Maischak (@LarsMaischak) February 26, 2017
Let's talk about this for a minute. He thinks that if Mary had an abortion, we wouldn't have Trump, so he's giving Jesus credit for Trump's election. Theologically, he's right. God appoints our leaders. Apparently, Lars Maischak understands and agrees with Romans 13:1. 
He also thinks we would have been spared Jesus, Himself, but I have news for Lars Maischak.....
Jesus has power over death. Period. You cannot kill God. They tried. They hung Him on a cross, made sure He was dead, buried Him, then guarded His tomb. It didn't matter! He rose from the dead! No other object of worship on this planet has accomplished such a feat. He would do well to worship the Risen Savior. (It's only common sense to side with Someone Who has conquered death, since we will all face death.)
This poor man, Lars Maischak, needs Jesus. One day, I hope he meets Him, then he will know and perhaps say, as the centurion said at the cross, "This man truly was the Son of God." (Matthew 27:54)
This poor man.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Going to Church? Will Your Child be a Victim this Sunday?

Don't let your child be the next victim. Just when you think church is safe, think again. It really isn't. This news report shows yet another horrific account of sex crimes against children by leaders in a church. This time it happened in Toledo, OH. Read the article here.

Oh, and another one here.......Texas Baptist Children's Home.

Your kids do not have to be victims! There are warning signs of abusive environments/people.

Here are just a few things that are red flags when it comes to your kids in church:

1. If Church leadership assumes authority over your family/children in the name of God.

You, the mom or dad, are responsible for your kids, not your church. The pastor/deacon/youth leader, etc., does not have authority over your child. They only have authority over what they teach, not over you or your family. Teach your kids to recognize how leaders cross that line and help them know how to be resistant. They don't have to cause a scene; they simply have to be taught that they do not have to do something they are uncomfortable with.

2. If Women are minimized.

If a pastor or other church leader minimizes a woman's role in her family, steer clear. This is not something Jesus ever did or wanted. Mom is the boss of the pastor/deacons/leaders when it comes to her kids and if any of those people minimize her role and put it all on the dad, they need to be resisted or, at the very least, ignored.

3. If Patriarchy is exalted.

Patriarchy leads to abuse. In a church where patriarchy is actually a main point/focus, more abuse takes place because there is an unbalance of power. As was said in the Pii Report from the investigation into ABWE's decades-long sex abuse cases with Donn Ketcham, "Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

Did you catch that? Let me repeat that: 
"Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

One more time: 
"Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

Also, there are a few things you can do to protect your child in church.

1. Do not send your child off to the bathroom alone. I don't care how long you've been at your church or if you know everyone there, your child is vulnerable if in the hallways or bathrooms alone. Accompany your child. If you think that's too hard because you'd have other kids in tow, it's not too hard. I practiced this regularly even though I have 8 kids. Until they reached a certain age, they did not wander around at church alone, especially during services. You can be sure that certain people roam the hallways of your church during services; these people are not to be trusted alone with your child. No exceptions.

2. Instruct your child to stay in their classroom and wait for you after Sunday School. Do not allow them to leave a classroom alone. It should be a rule for all Sunday School teachers to wait for the parents, but, unfortunately, in many churches it simply is not. Insist on it and be there early if possible.

3. Look all teachers, youth leaders, pastors and other leaders in the eye when you communicate with them. This is vital. Look them in the eye and give them clear instructions concerning your child/children. If the teacher/leader is up to no good, looking them in the eye will intimidate them. It lets them know that you mean business and will not put up with any nonsense. Abusers look for targets and if you come across as a detached parent who trusts everyone because you're in church, the abuser will know this and could target your child.

4. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, do not leave your child with that person. If a Sunday School teacher makes you feel odd, take your child with you instead. If a youth leader won't listen, don't let your child go to youth group. 

You, Mom and Dad, have the power to stop these abusers in their tracks. Our kids are at risk in church. We know they are at risk in the world, but many turn a blind eye to the abuse going on in church. They simply don't want to believe it. 

But it's happening all over. Will it happen to your child this week? You can be sure it will happen to someone's child. You can be sure. Don't let your child be the next victim.

Read my e-book, Preventing Abused Children, for more. Click here

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Wives, Don't Let your Husband Get in Your Way

I've heard it recently......women talking about their husband being the family admonishing each other to be a good family priest......pastors encouraging husbands to embrace their "role" as the family priest.

Sounds real spiritual, doesn't it?

Sounds real godly, right?

No, it sounds so........wrong.

I'm going to give you three biblical reasons why you do not want your husband to be the "family priest."

I Timothy 2:5

 "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;"

My commentary on this:  There is one mediator - and it's not your husband - it's the man Christ Jesus. Messiah Jesus. Pursue Jesus. Let nothing, not even a husband, stand between you and your Savior. He is yours. Wait for no one. Pursue Him fully, with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.There is one God; He is yours.

I Peter 2:5

"Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ."

My commentary on this: As a wife you are included in this. You are your own priest; you are part of the holy priesthood if you know Jesus Christ as your Savior. You need no one else to stand in for you. Take it, it's yours. Embrace it with everything you have; let no one, not even a husband, take this away from you or get in the way of it. Read the first four verses of this passage and realize God is talking to you. He's talking to every believer.

Galatians 3:28

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

My commentary on this: We are one in and women.....slaves and their owners.....Greeks and Jews.....we are all one in Christ. This means just because you are a woman and are married, you do not take a back seat when it comes to your Jesus. 

God did not write a subtext for women with a male filter in place. He's talking to you....He's talking to me. If you are married, your husband is not your priest. Reject this teaching. I'm seeing it more and more and it's becoming more common in fundamental churches that would have rejected this idea even 10 years ago.

Don't allow what sounds like "godly" teaching fool you into thinking you have to take a back seat when it comes to pursuing Jesus. Any teaching that puts someone before Jesus or between you and Jesus is promoting idol worship. Do not fall into the man-made trap of making your husband an idol, coming between you and your Jesus.

This does not mean I don't think husbands should pray for their wives. I do think husbands should pray for their wives, but I also believe wives should pray for their husbands. We ought to make intercession for one another. Prayer for a spouse is not a one-sided activity and it is not an exclusive-to-the-husband role. 

The best and most often overlooked marriage advice you will ever receive is:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

This blog touches just the surface of this issue and is not a comprehensive study. A comprehensive study would make this much too long for a simple blog post. I chose to condense this to help wives who are currently being abused and beat over the head with this unbiblical idea of the "family priest."


Friday, March 10, 2017

Marriage is not An Airplane (Or a Football Game)

Some guy I never heard of wrote a blog post in response to the "Day Without a Woman" which was held across the country this week. Some women opted to miss work in hopes of showing their boss, patients, students, customers, etc., what it would be like if they were not there.

While I personally would not participate in something like that, others who choose to do so are certainly well within their legal rights. There might be other repercussions, however, like if their boss fires them for not showing up, etc. Anyway, this guy I never heard of who wrote the blog post has quite a few things wrong in his blog post.

In the context, he wrote about marriage. He said men should "man up" and "put their foot down," presenting an idea of a dictatorial boss who has the right, even obligation, to tell his wife what to do. He said (I paraphrase) that people rejoice when a woman "puts her foot down" but reject the same phrase/idea for men. He said people who "oppose male leadership in the home don't oppose it on egalitarian grounds despite what they claim." He said, "They don't actually think that husbands and wives should be leaders equally. They believe, rather, that the wife should be the leader." More on this in a minute.

He went on to compare marriage to piloting and airplane....then to a football game.

Trouble is, marriage is not an airplane, nor is it a football game. No wonder he's struggling so much with his perceived "leadership;" he has no understanding of marriage.

First of all, he does not and cannot speak for egalitarians. He tried to here, but he's dead wrong and clearly does not understand egalitarians. I suspect he's never studied the idea since it's an obvious threat to someone like him. Also, his clear misrepresentation of egalitarian relationships shows his ignorance.

I want to address just a few of his points.

The reason people cringe when a man says he's going to put his foot down but don't when a woman says the same is, women are usually "putting their foot down" to protect themselves from some form of abuse, or to protect their children, whereas men are "putting their foot down" to control someone else just so they have control. Women rarely "put their foot down" to control someone else unless that someone is abusing them and, in that, she's really controlling what happens to her. Men "put their foot down" to control the family. A wife is not a subordinate, but to suggest that a man can and should from time to time "put his foot down," assumes the wife is a subordinate as though she needs someone to tell her what to do.

Secondly, marriage can't be adequately compared to an airplane because we can't designate one person as the pilot and the other as the co-pilot in a marriage. Flying an airliner is not like marriage. Yes, the pilot and co-pilot of the plane have to have a mutual understanding of the plane, but a plane flies by extremely stringent rules and regulations. Both the pilot and co-pilot receive specific training, the exact same training, actually. Marriage is not filled with stringent rules and regulations; no one is telling a husband or wife where to sit.

Thirdly, marriage can't be adequately compared to a football game, either. Certainly a QB often does the job of a running back and scores touchdowns. No one stops him and tells him that's not his role. As a matter of fact, anyone at all who gets hold of the ball and makes a touchdown is praised. No one cares if making the touchdown is not in their job description.

Fourth, a man does not have to set the course for his marriage because God has already done so. They, together are to nuture their relationship, equally, with a common goal in mind. What is that common goal? To love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, soul and strength and to love their neighbor as themselves. That is all.

He said there have to be some set ideas about who does what and why in a marriage. As someone who has been married for 37 years and raised 8 kids with my husband, I find this very confusing. Over the years, we never stuck to designated roles out of the need for inequality in our marriage. I do the cooking, but not because I am a woman and, therefore, belong in the kitchen. I do the cooking for 2 reasons: I like cooking and I'm better at it then he. However, he can get a meal for himself and makes his own lunch to take to work, etc. If I'm not home to cook, he won't starve and I'm not failing in my "role." He's a grown man, he can feed himself. Oh, and it's not my job to tell him what to eat, either. I put out healthy meals; the choice to eat it or not is his. If he wants to eat brownies and ice cream instead, he's free to do so.

He does major home repairs. Not because he's the man and only men should handle hammers; he does major home repairs because he knows how and is better at them than I. However, I do have my own toolbox and all my own tools so I can do things like hang pictures and assemble furniture, etc. Our roles may have been defined over the years, but they are not defined by any Biblical standard, they have been defined by need and ability. We are simply two people getting family life done, either one of us picking up the perceived role of the other at any given time and getting it done.

The points in this guy's blog post are contradictory to what he's suggesting as a practice. On the one hand, he advises husbands to "put their foot down," then tells them they are to die to themselves. Well, which is it? If we die to our own selfish desires, when would we ever put our foot down, and for what? If a man "puts his foot down" and "forbids" his wife from doing something like taking a day off to show solidarity to a cause he may not agree with, he is not dying to himself; he's forcing her to behave as he sees fit. Sharia Law, anyone?

If I really touched all the points I disagree with this man on, this blog post would be too long. It might already be too long. Need marriage advice? Here's the best marriage advice you will ever get:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength; 
and love your neighbor as yourself. 

Forget about the "roles" that people like the blogger try to put you in. Successful marriages are made up of people who don't hesitate to pick up and do whatever it takes to keep the family running without keeping track of whose "role" they thought each task fell to.

Seriously, who does that? Who sets "roles" and lives their life to make sure those roles are fulfilled in the way they perceive they ought to be? Who keeps track of that? If a man is truly "manning up," he's realizing he is no more his wife's authority than she is his and they treat each other with mutual love, respect and submission. News flash, guys: Your wife is an adult; you're not her boss.