As this young wife and mother talked about her new potential home, she said the oddest thing. She said she was letting her husband pick the home since he's the "head" of the household. She said she was sitting back and letting him do this.
And I thought she was thoroughly kidding herself.
Let me tell you what's wrong with this scene.
First, if a wife has to "let" her husband lead, he's not leading at all. A leader does not need permission to lead, nor does a leader only lead if and when someone else steps back. The reality is, he is not "the leader" of the household. The reality is, they lead together whether they admit it or not.
Second, a wife has equal say in a home the couple is buying, especially if her name is on the mortgage, (but regardless if it is or not). Taking a back seat is not godly, it's irresponsible. Wives, if your name is on the mortgage, the car title or any other official document for joint ownership, you own it just as much as your husband and it is not ungodly or unladylike to assert yourself if that's what it takes to be an equal part of the process.
There is no godliness in taking a step back. Taking a step back to let someone else "lead" indicates you have been in a leadership position and are relinquishing that position. This is a mistake. I know more than one wife whose credit rating has been ruined by her husband. This is financial abuse, pure and simple.
Third, the husband had the opportunity to dispel this myth and tell her it was nonsense and make her an equal part of their marriage. Instead, he did not. He took her permission to be the "leader" and ran with it, touting his "leadership" in the process. And people in their lives fell for this. This man is not a leader....he doesn't meet even the simplest of definitions of a leader. There is thick wool over his eyes.
"Head of household" is a myth, borne out of patriarchy and wrongly assigned as "God's design" when nothing could be further from the truth. God didn't design this, this is completely man-made.
Wives, stop lying to yourselves. Embrace the equality that naturally occurs within a marriage whose partners love the Lord their God. Stop acting all "submissive" and embrace the power in decision making and tackling the world together with your husband.
If you're in the habit of "letting" your husband do things, you are lying to yourself if you think he's the leader. Instead of living that lie, embrace Truth. Like it or not, you are equal with your husband and there's nothing ungodly or unholy in embracing and acting on this.
If your name is on the mortgage, car title, refrigerator purchase order or any other document showing joint ownership of anything, insist on full involvement in the process of buying, owning, disposing of and/or taking responsibility for that thing, whatever it is. You are simply embracing your already-positioned authority in ownership and power over your own credit rating.
Stop lying to yourself. Own your credit rating.