Thursday, March 24, 2016

What Do You Need? (Hint, it's not Sex)

ISIS captures women and young girls to use as sex slaves because they feel their fighters need sex.

There is an entire underground system for human sex trafficking in the US and other civilized countries because the men who participate think they need sex.

Some conservative Baptists and other evangelicals believe and teach that sex is a need.

On Facebook recently, a friend posted 6 things a mom should teach her son, then she invited others to add to that list. I added a few but only one caused any trouble. I stated that moms should teach their sons that sex is not a need. My friend argued a little, then suddenly wanted to shut the conversation down. I felt I should clarify my position and said as much.

Enter a complete stranger, a man, to set me straight. This man (I assume he's not a boy) told me I am wrong about this issue and accused me of having to have the last word simply because I tried to clarify my position.

I am not wrong. Sex is not a need.

You need food.
You need clothing.
You need shelter.
You need medicine at certain times.
You do not need sex.
(Procreation aside.)

This is not a popular idea among some Christians I've talked to lately. Many people become disrespectful, sarcastic and mean when it comes to hearing that sex is not a need. It's as though they're afraid their wife will find out they are abusing her in the bedroom so they have to protect their lie at any cost.

The man who inserted himself into the online conversation has a few problems. He was immediately defensive and small (indicating his doubt about his own position), he tried to divert the attention off the subject by attacking me, personally (even though he doesn't even know me) and accusing me of having to have the last word (an indication that he thinks he knows my motives) and he misused Scripture to try to prove "his" point, which has no foundation in Scripture.

This is typical behavior, quite predictable. All abusers act the same; they all use the same playbook. This makes them easy to spot, which is good for the rest of us.

Sex is not a need.
It is a wonderful, powerful, God-given, love-expressing privilege.
But, you will not die without it.
It is not a need.


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Dear Duggars: It Wasn't the Devil

Because the Duggar children are now launching a reality TV show of their own, they are doing promotional teasers in hopes of getting enough viewers to keep their show on the air. In these promotional teasers, they are often addressing their brother, Josh's, infidelity, pornography addiction and other sins which caused the cancellation of their other show. One can't really blame them for wanting their TV show to continue because few things give as much income for so little effort. That lifestyle is very hard to duplicate with regular employment. I'm especially happy that Anna, Josh's wife, will be on the new show because her income possibilities are the lowest given her four children and a husband who has been away for months. I'm happy to see she has an income, but it's unfortunate it's only because of her involvement with her in-laws' questionable lifestyles.

Back to today's blog topic: Josh's brother, John David, said, "The devil took his best shot," when asked about his older brother's sinful lifestyle. Read the full statement here.

We have to cry out against that. It was not the devil. Our Bibles clearly tell us in James 1:14 that a person sins when they are drawn away of their own lust and enticed.

It wasn't the devil,

It was Josh.

Saying the devil took his best shot is an attempt to minimize and draw attention away from the real issue.

I wish the Duggars would not minimize this sin. Daughter Jessa often says, "We're not perfect..."

No one outside the Duggar family has said they are perfect. Disclaiming perfection is also an attempt to minimize and draw attention away from the real issue. "Perfect" is a term only a Duggar has used to describe themselves. Everyone else already knows that no one on the planet is perfect. Perfect is not the goal, but the Duggars use it as their measuring stick so they can say, "Oh, look! We're not perfect!" while they promote a sexual climate in the Name of our Holy God and call themselves godly.

Putting Josh's sin on the devil and minimizing their ungodly lifestyle as "not perfect" is the best way to get and keep a reality TV show. Clearly it works for them.

Don't fall for this lie. Even the secular world knows better and is more honest about this.

Forgiveness of Josh doesn't have to be justified. They can forgive him and give him a chance to regain trust, but they're not doing him any favors by putting his sinful choices on the devil or by disclaiming perfection. He has to own them. He has an Advocate in Christ, as we all do, but to misuse that advocacy by lying and continually minimizing sin is not the path to true restoration.

I wonder how long before the next Duggar scandal will break. They certainly promote a climate supporting sin, so it's only just a matter of time.

Articles referring to the Duggars often refer to them as "ultraconservative," and I cringe whenever I read that because they are far from conservative and certainly not "ultra" conservative. Their wardrobe is a front; it makes them appear conservative while they are truly anything but. Listen to the father, Jim Bob Duggar. Listen to him talk openly about his daughters' sex lives. Listen to him refer to sex or the female anatomy in every single episode without fail. Just listen. Their talk reveals who they really are. All you have to do is listen and you will know.

Minimizing language is so common in Christian circles that victims often feel guilty trying to make others aware of abuse they've suffered at the hands of some Christian person. This is one reason it took so long for Bill Gothard's victims to come forward.

Just as soon as I stop getting cries for help from the victims of these types, I will stop blogging about it. As long as the victims continue, my blogging about it will continue.