Thursday, November 30, 2017

Does your Outfit Make you a Rapist?

Amid all the revelations of abuse by people like Matt Lauer, Roy Moore and others in the news, I can't help but think of all the abuse going on within the church. There is no less abuse going on in the churches than there is in Hollywood, politics and the news media outlets, it's just kept even quieter.

While there seem to be many reasons this is so blatantly common, there is one common thread that will ensure it will continue: blaming the victims. One person described what she considered provocative dressing as "reverse sexual harassment." She said that women who dress "like current celebrities" are "just as guilty of sexual misconduct as men."

This equates dress with rape.
Wear the wrong outfit and you're guilty of rape, abuse and violence against women??
Oh, my.

This is wrong.
This attitude is part of the problem.
This attitude fuels a culture of abuse.

As long as men are given this type of pass, they will continue to abuse. Dress doesn't matter in the least. Women in Burqas are raped and abused all the time; it's rampant. Nuns in Habits have been raped and abused.

As long as people in your church have this attitude, you can be sure abuse is going on behind some closed door somewhere in the building, or behind a car in the parking lot, or in a quiet hallway after a youth meeting, and it will continue to go on. I guarantee it. It's happening every single week. And just like ABWE*, church leadership - all made up of men and men, only - will blame the victim. This guarantees it will continue. These men have to keep the women out of leadership in order for their abusive ways to continue.

Get your head out of the sand, people.

The problem is not how women dress. The problem lies with the abuser, in this case, men. The problem is patriarchy, a system that forces women to share part of the blame for the sins of men.

I don't care how someone is dressed, no one has a right to rape, abuse, touch, intimidate and threaten them.

Those who blame the victim on any level are part of the problem.

Fixing this culture of abuse starts with educating our sons that they are entitled to nothing....that sex is not a need....that aggressive behavior will not be tolerated.....that they are not better than women and God did not give them exclusive rights to leadership.

It also starts with teaching our daughters that they are the boss of their own bodies, even after marriage, and they do not "owe" their husbands sex. We have to teach our daughters that their relationship with God is not filtered through their father or husband, that they should have a voice in their church and can refuse to be part of a church that will not allow it, and that they, too, can be leaders.

I have to speak out against this kind of thinking lest any victim anywhere would think I agree with the idea that any victim is partially to blame.

People in prominent positions in conservative Christian organizations try to silence me on this all the time.

(*ABWE is the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism whose prized doctor, Donn Ketcham, created an entire system of abuse in Bangladesh to fuel his pedophilia, abusing nationals as well as fellow missionaries and their children. When the children grew up and started telling their stories, ABWE blamed them, tried to silence them, and wouldn't listen to them, yet exalted the doctor and allowed him to go into private practice in the States with no disclosure. There, he was given free reign to abuse even more victims and is only now, in his eighties, facing the charges. ABWE keeps going as though nothing happened, leaving the victims in their dust and calling themselves righteous.)


Friday, October 6, 2017

How to Start a Cult

L. Ron Hubbard wrote massive volumes of books and courses on Scientology, a religion he made up, and Scientology now has millions of followers who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy his books and take his courses. The vast majority go so far as to devote their entire lives, forsaking spouse and children, to follow these teachings. Some people have found their way out, however, and now help others who have been hurt by Scientology.

Joseph Smith, high on something in the woods, wrote the Book of Mormon and created a cult that has followers to this day, although the polygamy he wrote into it and cherished is now relegated to a few sects mainly dwelling in Colorado and Utah.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem, along with a few other misled, insecure men, wrote a manifesto on what they consider "biblical manhood and womanhood," wherein they twisted the Bible and added a multitude of "inferences" to justify their twisted interpretations about what they think men and women should be doing with their time. This manifesto is so popular and widely accepted that pastors and missionaries refer to it more than the Bible, itself, when it comes to questions of gender roles, of which there should be none.

Cult leaders do not encourage independent, critical thinking. As a matter of fact, they discourage
independent, critical thinking. Every single cult leader demands that their ideas, interpretations and concepts are followed to a T and their followers face dire consequences if they do not adhere to them. John Piper even wrote a set of arguments against those of us who have taken issue with any of his interpretations.

A few weeks ago, I was compared to a cult leader because I strongly encourage independent, critical thinking when it comes to Bible study. I was criticized for using a lexicon for Bible study. I was criticized for following and praising the example of the Bereans in Acts 17:11, even though Luke praised them for looking things up for themselves.

I encourage independent, critical thinking.....the person who criticized me encourages extensive use of commentaries for Bible study. You tell me who looks more like a cult leader. Hint: One who encourages the use of man-made material over the Bible is much more like a cult leader than one who encourages independent, critical thinking.

So, one key to starting a cult is to make sure you do not ever encourage independent, critical thinking. Make sure your subjects are following something other than the Word of God, like a commentary or books written by some wealthy faux Christian author, or, better yet, write your own.

Another key to starting a cult is to subdue women. The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood does this so well that even otherwise solid evangelical pastors embrace much of this teaching. Part of subduing women includes minimizing how women served throughout the Bible. The teachings of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood actually teach that Deborah, the Old Testament judge, was only used as a judge because she gave priority to men, which they say proved God would never use a woman to lead a man unless she showed priority to that man.

I've had more than one Christian person throw the links to this false teaching into my inbox along with warnings about how God will not bless me if I don't give priority to men in my life. I have news for those people: It's too late for God to not bless me since He already has.

There you have two keys to starting a cult:

1. Write a manifesto that sounds real close to what the Bible teaches.
2. Subdue women.

Every single modern-day cult has done these two things.


Monday, September 11, 2017

How to Give your Kids the Gift of Grit

I recently listened to a TED talk about grit by Angela Lee Duckworth. You can find it here. The talk is four years old, but I just ran across it because a friend shared it on Facebook. I found her talk very interesting because I can help her find the one answer that eludes her.

She said parents and teachers daily ask her,  "How do I build grit in kids?" or "What do I do to teach kids a solid work ethic?" and "How do I keep them motivated for the long run?"

Her reply, "The honest answer is, I don't know."

But I know! I know how to build grit in kids. I know how to teach them a solid work ethic. I know how to keep them motivated for the long run. And it's not rocket science.

Ms. Duckworth said the best idea she's heard on how to teach grit is a growth mindset. That's not a bad thing, but it, alone, will not build grit.

This is it. There is one thing that builds grit over all other things and that is: Critical thinking.

Critical thinking shatters the herd mentality that tells us we have to wait for someone else before acting.

Critical thinking shatters the notion that anyone else has the power to approve or disapprove of anything we say/do/think/feel/write/love/hate......etc.

Critical thinking shatters the teaching that it takes a village to raise a child.

Critical thinking is independent by definition. If we ascribe to a herd mentality, we will stifle our own ability to operate outside the herd. Critical thinkers don't follow the herd. They aren't being rebellious, they are simply following their own line of thinking and it's different than everyone else's.

Critical thinkers do the one thing herd followers don't do: They think.

Instead of simply following the herd, they stop, look things over, ask pertinent questions and often find that following the herd won't work for them, so they veer off the beaten path to a lesser-followed path, or even more often, they create their own path.

They think.
They think for themselves.
They think before taking action.
They think instead of react.
They think in critical terms, not with assumptions.
They think in factual terms.
They think.

Critical thinking is the key to grit. Critical thinking gives a person the motivation to keep on keeping on because they've made their decisions based on their own reasoning and not based on what someone else has told them. Critical thinkers are intentional in their actions, are not afraid to question others and not afraid to go against the herd.

Teaching your kids to be critical thinkers will give them grit.
Read my Christian Standard article on critical thinking here.

What exactly is critical thinking? In dictionaries I consulted, it is defined as "The objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment."

That's a good definition, but it might be surprisingly difficult to practice in today's world. Not too many things are presented as objective any more. The news outlets report news with a judgment.....and Donald J. Trump's election to the US presidency was an excellent example. Every liberal media outlet reported the election with bias. They did not simply report the news, they reported with bias. They are not/were not critical thinkers. They could not report with objectivity.

It's really no different in the church. Pastors preach with bias by telling people how to apply God's Word instead of just giving God's Word and knowing the Holy Spirit can handle the application. They need to get out of the application business and get back to simply presenting God's Word as He has written it and let it go. Pastors who focus on application are people of little faith.

Objectivity creates critical thinking and critical thinking creates grit.

Do you want your kids to have grit? Teach them to be critical thinkers. Encourage them to question you. Encourage them to question everyone....their pastor, their teacher, their aunts, their uncles, their grandparents, their neighbors, their friends, etc. A bonus is that kids who question are less likely to be abused. Most abuse happens by people kids know....arm your kids with critical thinking and they will not be vulnerable to abuse. More on that here

Grit creates advantage.

This is my last point. Grit creates advantage because it does not function without objective, critical thinking. Newsflash: Your kids are already seeing things though their own eyes and they are already questioning. This is why a 3-year-old will ask "Why?" 10,000 times a day.....they want to know how things work....why things are the way they are. We, as parents, often squelch their questioning because it makes us tired or we have other things on our mind or we are distracted or busy, etc. As hard as it might be at times, encouraging curiosity builds critical thinking and critical thinking creates grit. 

Do you want your kids to have grit? If so, teach them critical thinking. Every single one of our eight kids has critical thinking skills and every single one of them has grit.


Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Do You Recognize the Bible?

Do you recognize the Bible? Can you recognize false teaching? Many pastors, teachers and authors, even in mainstream evangelical churches, aren't preaching the truth.

What are they preaching? The answer is simple: Human ideas. Human philosophy. Human reasoning.

How do I know this is not the Truth?

One young woman asked me that very question a few years ago. She and a co-worker had stopped by our house and after a time of visiting, they sought truth about the Word of God. She asked me point blank how I knew when a sermon was not based on Truth.

My answer: Say you're hearing someone preach John 3:16 and they talk about God's love and how much he loved humanity......then they veer off and talk about I Corinthians 13 and use that to define how WE should love, but they never establish a context for either passage of Scripture but simply tie them together all in the name of love. Oh, we ought to love! Are you loving? Are you loving the way 1 Corinthians 13 says to love?

Sounds so good, right?

Not so fast.

It's as though they decided to preach on love and looked up verses with the word love in them, then built a "sermon" which really isn't a sermon at all. If preaching isn't expository, it's not preaching at all, it's a talk or lecture. Expository means we take God's Word in context, without human speculation. The Bible is not a dictionary or an encyclopedia, it is a narrative.

Now let's say you're hearing a true expositor preach John 3:16.....the first thing they do after reading the entire passage (and inviting you to follow along in your own Bible), is to establish context. They ask pertinent questions....why say things this way? Why say "begotten Son?" Who is Jesus talking to? (He's talking to Nicodemus.) Why is he talking to him? (Nicodemus came to him at night and approached him.) Jesus knew his heart's condition......he told him no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again. Nicodemus was confused.....and Jesus wondered at him not knowing this, seeing he was a teacher of the Jews. Jesus goes on to explain some theology and hits a highlight as he helps Nicodemus understand by giving the example of Moses lifting up the serpent in the wilderness (Numbers 21) - and explains that, in the same way, so must the Son of Man be lifted up.....that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.....then he says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes on him will not perish but have everlasting life..."  and verse 17 cannot be left out...."For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved."

So, this very short, not-at-all complete summary shows the huge difference between man's ideas and God's intent. John 3 is all about God's great, unspeakable gift of eternal is not about what we should or should not do when we are loving others.

Now, this is not to say that we are not to love's simply that this is not what John 3 is teaching. This is not what John 3:16 is about.

And that is one example of how to tell if your pastor is preaching the Truth or preaching human ideas.

Stick to the Word.
It is enough without some human's ideas.
Take everything you are taught, no matter who is teaching it, and filter it through the Scriptures. If it does not measure up, it's not preaching and it's not accurate teaching. Get away from that sort of teaching/preaching.

If you want human ideas, tune into the news or read a book.

Do you recognize the Bible? Can you listen to a sermon and tell whether the preacher is sticking to the Word or going off on human ideas?

I really, really miss my husband's preaching. He is a true expositor...and true expositors, we have learned, are very rare, indeed.

Read your Bible.
Make observations of what you read.
Interpret what it says according to the passage context.
Find out more about Bible study here at


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

More on Fitz. At First Baptist.

I recently wrote a blog post about something that happened to me at First Baptist Church in Laurel, MD. If interested, you can read that post here.

I want to follow up and say this:

Please, for the safety of your children and even your own privacy, be aware that no one there seems to think it's bad that Fitz is not uncomfortable being alone in a ladies room with a woman he does not know.

I was called out over this. I was told I "treated him like trash" and am "hurting the church" by speaking out about this.

Every single decent man in my life has said they would be embarrassed to find they had walked in on a woman in a ladies room. Every single decent man in my life has said they would very quickly leave the room if they walked in on a woman....that it would make them uncomfortable and they would feel terrible.

Did you catch that?

They would leave.....very quickly.....
They would be uncomfortable....
They would feel terrible.....

Not Fitz. He was not a bit uncomfortable.
He didn't feel terrible.
He felt victimized, telling others I "treated him like trash."

He stayed.

I left.

I left while a man stayed in the ladies room.
Doesn't that seem odd and not quite right to you?

He expressed ZERO embarrassment.
He had ZERO discomfort.

He literally stood there, smirking at me.
I had to walk within six inches of him in order to get out....he was blocking the door....he would not move....he stood there smirking.
And, apparently, "I'm hurting the church" to speak up about this.
Nah, the church doesn't need my help; they are hurting themselves just fine.
A "church" that further victimizes a victim while touting the Gospel has missed the Gospel message altogether.

Is he going to walk in on you .......or your daughter...... next?


Thursday, July 13, 2017

It was Fitz. At First Baptist.

It was February, 2014, and I was in the ladies room at First Baptist Church of Laurel, MD. My sons were taking karate classes at the church and, as I often did, I drove them to class and took a scrapbooking project to work on while they had class for two hours.

I was having a great time and I was also drinking ice water. After a while, the ladies room beckoned and I went around the corner and entered the ladies room. While I was in the know.....I heard the main door to the ladies room open and close. I thought, of course, that another lady had come in to use the facilities.

Imagine my complete shock to open the partially-private stall door to find a man standing there looking at me with a smirk on his face! Immediately, I said, "Get out of here! This is a ladies room! Why didn't you knock to see if it was occupied?"

He said, "I don't knock. I ain't gonna knock. I got work to do."

I said, "Get out of here!"

He would not move. He was blocking the door; I could not get out. He stood his ground.

I said, "You can't just come in here at will and clean unless you know the room is empty!"

He said, "I do what I want. I got work to do. I ain't got time to do no knocking."

And he stood there, looking at me with a smirk on his face. I got bold. I walked over to him, passed within six inches of him in order to leave and did not take my eyes off him the entire time. He continued to smirk.

I was shaken. I was embarrassed. I was upset. I went to the security person on duty and told them what happened. That person didn't know what to do, so they called the building supervisor. I could hear her on his phone. When he told her what I had told him, she said, "Oh, that doesn't sound like Fitz."

So, Fitz was his name. I had not known that.

The security guard was flustered and didn't know what to do and I heard him tell the building supervisor, "She's right here...." as if to tell her I could hear their exchange. He hung up and shrugged at me. I told him I was going to call the senior pastor. He said the senior pastor was on the premises, in a deacon's meeting.

"Perfect," I said. His eyes widened in response. "Yes, please let him know I need to talk to him after his meeting."

Then I called my husband and told him what was going on. He was livid and was glad I was going to talk to the senior pastor.

When I told the senior pastor what happened, he was at first shocked and compassionate. Then, after assuring me their system of checking to make sure no one was in the ladies room would be revisited and they would stop this from happening again, he shook his head and said, "This just does not sound like Fitz!"

I was shocked he would say that to me. I looked at him and said, "But it was Fitz. He did this."

He replied, "I hear what you're saying, but it just does not sound like him."

And that's where he left it.

The church trustees met and put a protective practice in place. From now on, I was told, Fitz would have to have the security person with him, knock on the ladies room door, wait for an answer, slightly open the door, yell to see if anyone was in there.....and only if they were sure no one was inside they could proceed to enter and clean.

I observed this - they did it a total of one time.

After the one time they did it, I returned the next week to observe Fitz enter the ladies room with a small knock as he entered. He was back at it. I informed the security person and they said the trustees were handling the issue.

I did talk to a trustee. I was told, "Well, we discussed it and determined that it all happened so fast that no one really knows what happened."

I said, "I know what happened! I was there! No trustee discussed this with me so how was this determined without talking to the people involved?"

"Listen, we have all known Fitz a very long time and he's worked at the church for a long time."

And that was that. I stopped using the ladies room at First Baptist and we removed our membership. I still go to First Baptist's building from time to time as my sons still take karate there.....they are adults now and take themselves to and from.

I see Fitz from time to time when I'm there for tournaments or occasionally to meet a friend.....
and he smirks at me every time he sees me.

I fell into the trap.....I didn't voice this incident until now. I didn't voice it when church leadership minimized things and did not treat Fitz as the threat he is. Life got husband got cancer....we had to move several times....I dealt with it by leaving the church and warning a few other moms whose kids go to karate. But, I should have done this a lot sooner. Now that my husband no longer has cancer and we are settled into a home we bought, I've finally found the where-with-all in myself to tell this story and name names.

Beware of Fitz at First Baptist in Laurel. He is not a member. He is hired help who is working unsupervised many evenings throughout the week. I have never seen anyone supervise him. He saunters through the building, entering the various ladies rooms at will with no knocking, no warning and no apology when he happens upon someone using the facilities.


Sunday, July 2, 2017

The Lie Your Church is Telling You

Some men are finally waking up to the fact that women have more to offer than coffee and casseroles and they are beginning to advocate for women in the church. It's about time. Don't get me wrong, I think men who advocate for women are great and I would never try to discourage such action.

But I recently realized King Lemuel's mother - of Proverbs 31 - needed no advocate.

King Lemuel's identity is debated in theological circles. Some believe Lemuel is another name Solomon was known by. Others believe he was King of Massa and still others believe he was not a real person at all. While the debate over who he was goes on, I want to focus on his mother.

Proverbs 31 starts out with "The sayings of King oracle his mother taught him..."

Some versions say "a prophecy his mother taught him..."
Some versions say, "an inspired utterance his mother taught him...."

Oh, my. A woman, inspired? Oh, God, what were you thinking?

I digress.

King Lemuel's mother taught him. This is huge. These are not the oracles of his father. This is not a father/son bonding moment which all fathers need so they can teach their sons the things of God. This is not a time when a father "stepped up" and took the reigns and taught his son because only fathers can teach sons properly and men need their father to teach them.


His mother taught him.

And it was powerful.

And it was enough.

And King Lemuel was not the only one whose mother was their main influence/instructor. Paul praised Timothy's mother and grandmother - by name - in 2 Timothy 1:5...."I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well."

The lie in the church is that fathers and sons have to have a deeper, better relationship than fathers and daughters. This is a lie. Sons are not more important than daughters. Fathers are not more important than mothers. Ideally, a family has both a mom and a dad, but that is not always the case, nor is it always possible.

Don't be fooled by the lies that your family will be less than what God wants it to be unless the father steps up in the way dictated by those who promote patriarchy. If you're a single mom, don't think for a minute that you aren't enough. Don't think for a minute that your son or daughter won't "turn out as good" without a father. It is God who works in them.

I recently read a blog post from the "Desiring God" (as if anyone does) blog of John Piper's group and I was shocked that the blog post actually said that women whose fathers don't step up and get involved in even "dating" their daughter's boyfriend, are leaving their daughter "emotionally and spiritually uncovered."

Huh? What is that? What does that even mean? Is not Christ enough, even for a daughter? Surely if a woman is going to be enough, by God's design, to teach a son like King Lemuel, she is enough. God is enough for a young girl even if she has a desire to get married. And He's enough if she decides not to ever marry....and it's no tragedy for her to make that decision. This article hinted at being single as a tragedy. Their teachings that women need a "spiritual and emotional covering" is akin to Sharia Law and has no business in Christian circles. God says there is no distinction between male and female in Galatians 3:28. We are all one in Christ.

I recently heard a preacher exalt the relationship between fathers and sons while minimizing the father/daughter relationship. He said dads are the ones who teach sons to be good dads, so a dad's relationship with a son is more important, more vital. That preacher needs to put his opinion back in the opinion box because that is simply not true.

To put it another way, that teaching is false. Just look at King Lemuel. Look at Timothy.

God is not limited by man's ideas of what is good and what people think things, even families, should look like. God will raise up who He wants to raise up, with or without a father.

Do not underestimate the influence of a mother in her son's life. King Lemuel was not afraid, ashamed or embarrassed to give his mother the credit for all she taught him. He did not mention his father even once.

And get this....listen carefully....not one verse in Scripture talks about a father exclusively teaching a son. Not one. Many verses talk about mothers teaching sons, but not one talks about how a father, exclusively should - or even did - teach a son.

Deuteronomy 6:7 talks about teaching God's statutes diligently to our children, but does not single out fathers and sons.

Deuteronomy 11:19 also talks about teaching our children, but, again, does not single out fathers and sons.

Proverbs 1:8 says, "My son, hear the instruction of your father and do not forsake your mother's teaching," putting the teachings of mothers and fathers on an equal plane.

Proverbs 6:20 says, "Son, keep your father's commands and forsake not the law of your mother," putting the teachings of fathers and mothers on an equal plane.

Proverbs 31:1 says, "The words of King Lemuel, the inspired words of his mother..." exalting the teachings of his mother above all else.

My husband and I reared our eight children together. He did not treat our sons any differently than he treated our daughters....and neither did I. We taught them all that they are not entitled....that no one owes them anything....that they have to earn their way....that their love for God and relationship with Him is the most important thing in their life....the list could go on. But, we taught them together. My word as their mom was (and is) still as much "law" in their lives as their dad's word. We are fortunate to have lived long enough to raise all our kids, but, had one of us died young, the other would have continued teaching the kids the things of God without missing a beat.

That is what is important......teaching the things of God.....not the things people think of God, but what the Bible actually says, without speculation and without adding to it.

Do not fall for the lie that tells you sons are more important than daughters. This lie will destroy your family and you won't see it coming.


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Why ABWE Needs to Shut Down

My husband and I have been silenced about abuse. When we lived in MN and my husband tried to get the state Baptist Fellowship to even be aware of Gordon Larson's inappropriate relationships with other women, he was ridiculed, silenced and shamed. No one would listen. Now, Gordon Larson, a former pastor of a GARBC church, is now serving a life sentence in the WI State Prison for sexually abusing his own daughter.

And we tried to warn them.

And they would not listen.

And many are not listening when it comes to ABWE. Many of us have tried and tried to ask some important questions of ABWE and its missionaries, to no avail. They simply won't answer us.

Two days ago, Kathryn Joyce published an article in the New Republic Magazine that blew ABWE's continued wrong attitude wide open again. Yet, I doubt anyone who works with ABWE will care. In this article, there are so many good quotes, but the one standing out in my mind is:

The group’s current president, Al Cockrell, responded to questions by issuing a statement. He suggested that PII’s report may include unspecified “misinterpretations or errors,” 

It did go on to say, 

but acknowledged that it contains “absolute facts” showing that “past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Don Ketcham,” and “utterly failed in our response to his victims.”

Let me tell you what's wrong with this statement. First of all, Al Cockrell makes sure to cast doubt on the victims by saying that the Pii Report "may include unspecified 'misinterpretations or errors,'" but he does not clarify what those "misinterpretations or errors" are or even could be. This leaves the reader to reach their own conclusion...this opens the door to doubt about the victims' accounts of what happened. To make an open-ended statement that in any way casts doubt on the victims, or even leaves room for doubt, is irresponsible "leadership." 

The article also states that Al Cockrell acknowledged that the report contains "absolute facts" but he does not specify what facts are absolute! Again, this leaves room for doubt.

How can ABWE think that someone who would be so careless be considered a viable leader of an organization supposedly representing the Living God? 

The fact that Al Cockrell said "past ABWE leadership failed to act with integrity and accountability in our handling of abuse perpetrated by Donn Ketcham" is easy to say because he's flinging blame behind himself to the past, not onto himself and what he has done/said and is doing now., which is casting doubt. What he's doing now is irresponsible, not showing accountability and not giving these victims their due respect. 

Casting doubt on them in any way, shape or form undoes what ABWE thinks they accomplished in their faux apologies and efforts to "make things right."

I am sickened by this latest display of dishonor by ABWE.

There is so much more I want to address from this article.


Friday, June 16, 2017

The Best Marriage Advice You'll Never Get

Lysa Terkeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries, announced this week that due to her husband's repeated unfaithfulness, substance abuse and refusal to turn from his sinful lifestyle, she's divorcing him. One blogger commented that Satan is out to destroy Christian marriages. I have news for that blogger: Satan didn't take Lysa's marriage down, this is a misconception. 

Man sins when he is lured by his own lust and enticed, according to James 1:14. Satan had nothing to do with this and has nothing to do with your marriage or anyone else's, either. It's easy to blame Satan for our own sin. Her husband's unfaithfulness and substance abuse brought her marriage down - pure and simple - not Satan. Don't be fooled by this humanistic reasoning or your marriage will be more vulnerable than you think. The only marriage advice you will ever, ever need is summed up in 2 commandments: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself." That's it. That's all. Nothing more. No "love language," no romantic getaways, no couple's retreats.....just those 2 commandments and nothing more. Think of the impact. 

My qualifications to say this: Married 38 years this August and we raised 8 kids together. We didn't go to one married couple's retreat or any other so-called marriage-enhancing endeavor. We could not afford to because it's crazy expensive to raise 8 kids. For 31 of our 38 years we were in full-time Christian ministry as he pastored three different churches and planted three others. We've seen it all. 

But, no, this was not Satan. What I say to anyone who is afraid for their marriage after reading this about Lysa is, there is no Biblical formula for a successful marriage. All the books are wrong; learn that now. Save your money. There is God. He, alone, is the only One Who offers any hope at all in today's world of sin and despair. Leave your husband alone and cling to the Savior. I repeat: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Only then will your marriage have a shot.

This sure-fire marriage advice is rarely put out there as marriage advice, but it's the best. It's absolutely all you need. It's not popular because the Book for it has already been written and no one is going to make money from this advice. 

Stop fearing for your marriage and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Stop reading books on marriage and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Stop being petty with your spouse and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Stop stressing over your marriage and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Stop taking everything your husband says personally and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

If your husband is cheating on you and/or abusing you or using drugs and alcohol, love the Lord your God enough to dump the jerk and treat yourself like a true Daughter of Abraham who does not have to tolerate abuse or unfaithfulness in any way, shape or form, and keep loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself.


Saturday, June 3, 2017

Patriarchy Promotes Idol Worship

This blog's title is a bold statement. I've thought this for a very long time but didn't have the courage to write it down, let alone publish the idea in a blog post.

But, I realized I have to. I am overwhelmed by the number of marriages in trouble because of patriarchy. It simply doesn't work. It doesn't work because it is man's design, not God's. It doesn't work because it puts men before God. This is idol worship. Anything that comes between you and your Savior is an idol, even if it's your husband. If a wife stops or even pauses or slows her pursuit of Jesus because she's looking for her husband's input or waiting for his "approval" of her pursuit, she's making her husband an idol.

Patriarchy promotes idol worship by believing and teaching that a married woman must filter her Christian walk, experience and relationship with God through her husband. This is not a good practice. God is a personal Savior. He is an individual Savior. This goes contrary to the teachings of patriarchy. Who God is goes contrary to what patriarchy teaches. Here are a few specifics:

Teachings of patriarchy support a "priesthood" of fathers, putting a wife under an earthly priest. This is widely supported by many "fundamental" churches, but it is wrong because:

The Bible teaches the priesthood of all believers. 1 Peter 2:5 says, "You also, as living stones, are built up into a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ."

This verse is not written to men only. Women are also built up into a spiritual house, a holy priesthood. Let no one take this away from you. You are a priest who has direct access to the Most High God. Supporters of patriarchy will tell you otherwise. They will openly teach that your husband has actual responsibility for your spiritual walk. This contradicts Scripture.

The Bible teaches that we are each individually responsible for the "working out of our own salvation." Philippians 2:12 proclaims, "Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."

Again, God did not write a separate command for women; He's talking to us all, female and male, young and old, rich and poor.....everyone is to work out their own salvation. "Working out our own salvation" does not mean we work for our salvation, it means we work out what it looks like in our individual lives. Again, there is not a separate entry for women; we are all one in Christ.

The Bible teaches that there is one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus. I Timothy 2:5 states, "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus;"

The Bible is so clear on these points and their contexts bear it out. However, those who believe in and teach patriarchy have to compromise these verses to fit their narrative. Any time we compromise God's Word to fit our own narrative, we are rewriting God's Word to suit ourselves. If we rewrite God's Word to suit ourselves, we are creating a man-made version of the Word, and this is bad.

Know that God's Word will never contradict Itself. 

If one passage of Scripture seems to contradict another, one of them is being misinterpreted.

Finally, Galatians 3:28 sums it all up with, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."  

Don't let your husband become an idol. Pursue Jesus, with or without Him. If he does not pursue Jesus as strongly as you, leave him in the dust and pursue Jesus alone. Ideally, couples will pursue Him together, but each of us still has a personal responsibility to pursue Him ourselves, waiting on no one.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

Hey, Church Ladies....You've been Duped!

For the entirety of my Christian walk, from the very start when I was 18 years old and first heard the Gospel of Christ, I was taught that my "role" as a woman was to be a wife and mother, to be submissive, quiet, humble and never be argumentative.

But, that was never "me" as a personality. I was always bold, extroverted, anything but quiet and would argue my point with anyone who would listen. I would listen to people teach about the supposed quiet, godly woman and I would literally think I would never be anything close to godly because I saw no hope of being quiet, submissive and humble.

Being quiet and submissive had only led to trouble in my life. Being bold and speaking out - loudly - was survival for me as a kid. I had to have a voice and it had to be loud at times and it served me well against my violent, alcoholic father who seemed bent on destruction at every turn. It also served me well when interacting with my 7 siblings because I learned early on that if I didn't speak up, and loudly, I might just go hungry. If I wasn't bold and unafraid to step up, I could be left out in the cold, literally sometimes. So, imagine my distress when I found out, through different Christian people, that my very personality was an affront to God, Himself. My first question was, "Why did He make me this way if it's the wrong way to be?"

I had some learning to do, so I began to read God's Word and observe Christian women who held themselves up as "godly." A problem quickly arose. The women I observed were contradicting certain parts of the Bible, sinning in many ways, yet still calling themselves godly. And they weren't submissive at all. They talked the submissive talk, but they did not practice what they preached. While they taught submission, they berated their husbands, belittled them and rolled their eyes, publicly, at things their husbands said and did. This was very confusing to me. I had to find out what God really wanted me to be.

First, I stopped listening to those women, then I began to look to God, alone, through His Word.

Enter Proverbs 31. There are no commands in Proverbs 31. There are no formulas, schedules or how-to instructions. What we have is a beautiful description of a virtuous woman. The words of King Lemuel's mother; her description of a virtuous woman.

Apparently, King Lemuel's mother was very influential in his life. He not only repeated her words, he gave her the credit.I know modern men who don't give their mothers or wives credit for anything, but they take the credit, then minimize it if the one who deserves the credit speaks up about it. King Lemuel was humble, among his other positive traits.

Back to Proverbs 31. For the first 9 verses, she gives him very sound advice, with reasoning thrown in. She encourages him to avoid alcohol so that his judgment will not be clouded and he will not lose sight of the people under oppression. She encourages him to be their voice, to "plead the cause of the poor and needy." Clearly, she was compassionate. She goes into a lengthy description of a woman admired, trusted and virtuous.

Even if you break this down into a simple list, you can clearly see that the virtuous woman was anything but quiet and submissive. She is described as strong and honorable. She is not described as quiet and submissive. It seems that everything all those Christian women told me in the past was wrong. The virtuous woman is the very opposite of what they told me. I was duped! You were duped!

I was told the husband was to be the provider, but verse 15 tells me she provides food for her household. It doesn't say "prepares," it says "provides."

I was told the husband was to make the main decisions in a family (although we never practiced this). Verse 16 tells me she buys real estate based on her own judgment, then after making a profit, she uses that profit to plant a vineyard. Her husband is not mentioned at all...she's making all these decisions herself, without even consulting him, apparently. The Bible says "she," not "they." So much for the husband having the "final say." Also, verse 24 tells me she makes linen garments and sells them and provides sashes for the merchants. Again, this decision is hers, alone. This action is hers, alone.

I was told that wives should stay home and only manage the household, but in verse 14, I see the virtuous woman traveling the world to bring home the best she can find for her family. This is another huge contradiction.

In summary, I don't see a quiet, submissive woman living in the shadow of a husband, waiting on him to make decisions for her or her family. I see a strong, determined, intelligent, hard-working woman living her life and doing what she wants to do with love, compassion and confidence. She made the deals with the merchants. She bought the real estate. She planted the vineyard. She ran the household and her international businesses at the same time. She used her own discernment to decide if a piece of real estate or some merchandise was good. She depended on no one else.

Why, then, do churches teach young women to be quiet and submissive? Shouldn't we be teaching them to be strong, decisive, determined and smart? Shouldn't we be teaching them to get out there and do what they want/can to provide for and enrich their families? The Proverbs 31 woman was not afraid of winter because she took care of her family and servants and knew they would be fine. She saw to this herself, she waited for no one.

Her husband did not supervise her life, did not provide approval or guidance or leadership in any way. He was busy with other businessmen as they all did their own business.

She is described as strong, or having strength at least 3 times in 21 verses. We need to stop telling young wives to be quiet and submissive and start telling them to be strong and decisive.....if we want to teach them to be virtuous women. We need to stop telling young men that they are the "leaders" and, therefore, their wives have to submit to them in ways that the Bible never teaches and never intended. The way it's taught in most churches now is's twisted and has been twisted for decades.

Verse 26 tells me she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. "She opens her mouth....." She's not afraid to speak up to teach with wisdom and she does it with kindness....but she opens her mouth.

Another interesting thing about the virtuous woman is that her husband is never described as "needy." I see women teaching other women that their husband has "needs" (usually a focus on sexual) and she's to meet those "needs" no matter how she feels about it in any given moment.  The virtuous woman's husband is focused on his work and what he needs to do; he's not focused on sex or on making sure his wife is submissive. These two each live their lives with a focus on others, on doing their jobs, taking care of family and business with complete confidence in each other to make their own decisions and do their own business.

Oh, could that be it? Could that be what marriage should look like? Instead of a husband focusing on sex and submission and a wife focusing on making sure she's quiet and submissive, maybe married couples should focus on God, who He made them to be, opportunities He gave them and the best way to use their gifts without holding back. Maybe, just maybe, this is what we need to teach young people and young couples. Strength, not submission, should be a godly wife's story. Surely compassion is up there with strength. Look and see for yourself.

Maybe if those self-proclaimed "godly" women in my life who were gossiping about their husbands and sneering behind their backs could have done better if they were honest with themselves and stopped trying to be "quiet and submissive" and were bold and strong instead. Maybe there would have been no need for the ever-evident resentment their actions so loudly displayed.


Monday, May 1, 2017

Commentaries and Sermon Prep Do Not Mix

Contrary to what some think, I do not hate commentaries. I do, however, think they are highly overused, especially when pastors depend more on them than they do the Bible for their pulpit ministries.

I can always tell when a commentary, rather than the Word of God, has been used in sermon prep. I think it's a shame, too. This practice not only hurts the pastor doing the prep, but it hurts the listeners as well.

I Peter 2:2 tell us, "As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby."

God wisely gives us the perspective of His Word as milk...and not just milk, but sincere milk. As the mom of 8 kids, I can tell you first hand, it's not good for newborn babies to have anything but the sincere milk they need to start off life. With my first baby, my doctor advised me to give him nothing but my milk for at least the first 6 months. No water, No juice. No food. Just the sincere milk of his mama, so that he would grow. While the same applies to non-nursing newborns, they ought to be given the sincere milk of the formula their doctor prescribes. You can't just give a newborn cow's milk, soy milk or almond milk. They need "sincere" milk. They need highly nutritious, high protein, pure milk, either from their mama or specially they can grow properly.

Commentaries are not for newborns. Baby Christians need the sincere milk of the Word of God. They need the real thing, not a watered down version that has lost its potency. They need the pure Word of God, not the opinions of men. Commentaries are the opinions of men. When a pastor heavily uses commentaries for sermon prep, they are giving their people a watered-down version of the Word, not the pure Word. The result is, the people don't grow as they ought. Their behavior might change for a while, but their hearts are not growing, they are only temporarily changing their behavior to please people and try to fit in with everyone else. This is not discipleship, this is cloning. God does not want clones; He did not tell us to make clones. He told us to make disciples.

Pastors, take a look at your sheep. Are they stepping up to serve? If you're begging for helpers and volunteers to teach and no one is stepping up, it could be that they are spiritually malnourished from shallow preaching that has been heavily watered down by commentaries. Babies who are properly fed want to learn all the time, then they want to share that knowledge. It's impossible to stop a properly fed newborn from growing, learning and wanting to share that learning with their world. When babies don't do this, pediatricians call it "failure to thrive" and immediate steps are taken to improve their diet. Are your sheep failing to thrive in their Christian walk?

Commentaries are not for pulpit ministry. Once a person has established their ability to learn from God's Word by personal observation and interpretation, they can begin to refer to a commentary here and there as a reference to see what others have concluded about a passage of Scripture. It's assumed that one who is a pastor has already learned how to make their own personal observations and learned to interpret God's Word properly. If they want to read a commentary to see how their interpretations line up with others who are assumed to be like-minded, then reading a commentary is highly appropriate to their study. However, when a commentary is the first thing a pastor grabs for sermon prep and does not do any of their own observations and interpretation, there is a big weakness in their ability to dig out the Truths in God's Word. This, in turn, leads to a weak pulpit ministry....and weak sheep with a failure to thrive.

Commentaries are not always right. God's Word is always right, but since commentaries are written by humans, we have to assume they have contain mistakes. There is not one commentary that is 100% right 100% of the time. Since it would take a tremendous amount of time to flush out every mistake, why use a faulty guide in the first place? There are no mistakes in God's Word. None. And if one does not feel confident in their ability to observe and interpret, they can be reminded that the perfect Holy Spirit is their Guide.  I do not understand people's insistence on using an imperfect resource as a main resource when the Perfect One is so readily available.

I fear many lay aside God's Word and pick up commentaries first. They ought to lay aside the commentary and pick up God's Word for a change. They might be surprised when their church begins to grow and thrive beyond their expectations. After all, this is how we all grow.


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Some Rubbish for You

Someone recently posted this quote on social media:

..." An important assumption as we begin to pray is that God is absolutely Sovereign. If we are not convinced of this, our praying can amount to nothing more than the desperate cries of the heathen addressing their impotent idols."

I commented "Ridiculous nonsense!" 

Who is this Alan Cairns talking to? Is he talking to Christians? Is he talking to the world? The quote does not tell us, but I will assume from the context of his comment that he's talking to people who claim to be Christians since he says, "we" and I presume he claims to be a Christian.

This quote is filled with Secular Humanism and I'll tell you why.

1. This quote makes people focus on themselves and their own attitude, not on Jesus. Some poor, unsure Christian would see this quote and think...."Oh, my, am I acknowledging that God is absolutely sovereign? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure He is but I don't always see it....I'm not sure if I believe that at this exact moment....oh, man, now God won't hear me and I'm just sounding desperate. I guess I just won't pray today!" 
Built up with pride, one might think, "I'm going to pray today because I am wise enough to acknowledge God's sovereignty so He'll surely listen to ME and answer all my prayers. My prayers go higher than the next guy's because of my decision to acknowledge God's sovereignty. I am so righteous, He just has to hear me! I'll pray, then post it on Facebook so everyone else will know how wise and godly I am. I think everyone will want to be like me....oh! And I could write a book and I'll bet it would sell a million copies. Of course, I'd donate some to missions, but I can just see my book on prayer being a best seller! I've got this!"

2. This quote misrepresents God as Someone Who is waiting for us to get it right rather than the compassionate, loving God He is as He constantly makes intercession for us. He knows and remembers that we are dust. He knows we aren't going to get it right the majority of the time. But, He doesn't care....He says, "Come......"

3. The quote is totally focused on human behavior/responses/attitudes/abilities as though we humans have any power or influence whatsoever on God almighty. We do not.  

4. This, my friends, is Secular Humanism and it has a stronghold on the church. This quote by Alan Cairns has no Biblical basis. He's speaking as a heathen, himself; as one who does not know God at all.

Many Christians  do not recognize Secular Humanism and they end up promoting it unknowingly. You, however, can learn to recognize it so you aren't taken in by it's falsehoods. 

Anything that makes you focus on yourself and your own attitude and not Jesus Christ is Secular Humanism. Learn of Him. Learn from Him. It's all Him. Get out of your own way and stop focusing on what you think you are and what you think you should think/feel/say/do and focus on Him, only. 

Then you won't have to listen to false quotes like the one above and doubt your faith or be built up with pride. 

You will know Him and you will know He is enough.

Don't be fooled by some "eloquent" sounding quote. Hold everything up to God's Word and make sure it's in line with the Scriptures. If not, throw it away; you do not need it. The quote I referenced above is rubbish.


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

This Poor Man

Seriously. This poor man featured in this article is in a sad state. Calling for our president to be hanged, he said, in a tweet,

To save American democracy, Trump must hang.  The sooner and the higher, the better.  #TheResistance#DeathToFascism
— Lars Maischak (@LarsMaischak) February 18, 2017
And that's not the worst of what he said. He also tweeted, 
If only Mary had had an abortion! We would have been spared this Clerical-Fascist crap. 
— Lars Maischak (@LarsMaischak) February 26, 2017
Let's talk about this for a minute. He thinks that if Mary had an abortion, we wouldn't have Trump, so he's giving Jesus credit for Trump's election. Theologically, he's right. God appoints our leaders. Apparently, Lars Maischak understands and agrees with Romans 13:1. 
He also thinks we would have been spared Jesus, Himself, but I have news for Lars Maischak.....
Jesus has power over death. Period. You cannot kill God. They tried. They hung Him on a cross, made sure He was dead, buried Him, then guarded His tomb. It didn't matter! He rose from the dead! No other object of worship on this planet has accomplished such a feat. He would do well to worship the Risen Savior. (It's only common sense to side with Someone Who has conquered death, since we will all face death.)
This poor man, Lars Maischak, needs Jesus. One day, I hope he meets Him, then he will know and perhaps say, as the centurion said at the cross, "This man truly was the Son of God." (Matthew 27:54)
This poor man.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Going to Church? Will Your Child be a Victim this Sunday?

Don't let your child be the next victim. Just when you think church is safe, think again. It really isn't. This news report shows yet another horrific account of sex crimes against children by leaders in a church. This time it happened in Toledo, OH. Read the article here.

Oh, and another one here.......Texas Baptist Children's Home.

Your kids do not have to be victims! There are warning signs of abusive environments/people.

Here are just a few things that are red flags when it comes to your kids in church:

1. If Church leadership assumes authority over your family/children in the name of God.

You, the mom or dad, are responsible for your kids, not your church. The pastor/deacon/youth leader, etc., does not have authority over your child. They only have authority over what they teach, not over you or your family. Teach your kids to recognize how leaders cross that line and help them know how to be resistant. They don't have to cause a scene; they simply have to be taught that they do not have to do something they are uncomfortable with.

2. If Women are minimized.

If a pastor or other church leader minimizes a woman's role in her family, steer clear. This is not something Jesus ever did or wanted. Mom is the boss of the pastor/deacons/leaders when it comes to her kids and if any of those people minimize her role and put it all on the dad, they need to be resisted or, at the very least, ignored.

3. If Patriarchy is exalted.

Patriarchy leads to abuse. In a church where patriarchy is actually a main point/focus, more abuse takes place because there is an unbalance of power. As was said in the Pii Report from the investigation into ABWE's decades-long sex abuse cases with Donn Ketcham, "Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

Did you catch that? Let me repeat that: 
"Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

One more time: 
"Sexual abuse flourishes in environments with unequal power relationships."

Also, there are a few things you can do to protect your child in church.

1. Do not send your child off to the bathroom alone. I don't care how long you've been at your church or if you know everyone there, your child is vulnerable if in the hallways or bathrooms alone. Accompany your child. If you think that's too hard because you'd have other kids in tow, it's not too hard. I practiced this regularly even though I have 8 kids. Until they reached a certain age, they did not wander around at church alone, especially during services. You can be sure that certain people roam the hallways of your church during services; these people are not to be trusted alone with your child. No exceptions.

2. Instruct your child to stay in their classroom and wait for you after Sunday School. Do not allow them to leave a classroom alone. It should be a rule for all Sunday School teachers to wait for the parents, but, unfortunately, in many churches it simply is not. Insist on it and be there early if possible.

3. Look all teachers, youth leaders, pastors and other leaders in the eye when you communicate with them. This is vital. Look them in the eye and give them clear instructions concerning your child/children. If the teacher/leader is up to no good, looking them in the eye will intimidate them. It lets them know that you mean business and will not put up with any nonsense. Abusers look for targets and if you come across as a detached parent who trusts everyone because you're in church, the abuser will know this and could target your child.

4. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, do not leave your child with that person. If a Sunday School teacher makes you feel odd, take your child with you instead. If a youth leader won't listen, don't let your child go to youth group. 

You, Mom and Dad, have the power to stop these abusers in their tracks. Our kids are at risk in church. We know they are at risk in the world, but many turn a blind eye to the abuse going on in church. They simply don't want to believe it. 

But it's happening all over. Will it happen to your child this week? You can be sure it will happen to someone's child. You can be sure. Don't let your child be the next victim.

Read my e-book, Preventing Abused Children, for more. Click here

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Wives, Don't Let your Husband Get in Your Way

I've heard it recently......women talking about their husband being the family admonishing each other to be a good family priest......pastors encouraging husbands to embrace their "role" as the family priest.

Sounds real spiritual, doesn't it?

Sounds real godly, right?

No, it sounds so........wrong.

I'm going to give you three biblical reasons why you do not want your husband to be the "family priest."

I Timothy 2:5

 "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;"

My commentary on this:  There is one mediator - and it's not your husband - it's the man Christ Jesus. Messiah Jesus. Pursue Jesus. Let nothing, not even a husband, stand between you and your Savior. He is yours. Wait for no one. Pursue Him fully, with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.There is one God; He is yours.

I Peter 2:5

"Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ."

My commentary on this: As a wife you are included in this. You are your own priest; you are part of the holy priesthood if you know Jesus Christ as your Savior. You need no one else to stand in for you. Take it, it's yours. Embrace it with everything you have; let no one, not even a husband, take this away from you or get in the way of it. Read the first four verses of this passage and realize God is talking to you. He's talking to every believer.

Galatians 3:28

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

My commentary on this: We are one in and women.....slaves and their owners.....Greeks and Jews.....we are all one in Christ. This means just because you are a woman and are married, you do not take a back seat when it comes to your Jesus. 

God did not write a subtext for women with a male filter in place. He's talking to you....He's talking to me. If you are married, your husband is not your priest. Reject this teaching. I'm seeing it more and more and it's becoming more common in fundamental churches that would have rejected this idea even 10 years ago.

Don't allow what sounds like "godly" teaching fool you into thinking you have to take a back seat when it comes to pursuing Jesus. Any teaching that puts someone before Jesus or between you and Jesus is promoting idol worship. Do not fall into the man-made trap of making your husband an idol, coming between you and your Jesus.

This does not mean I don't think husbands should pray for their wives. I do think husbands should pray for their wives, but I also believe wives should pray for their husbands. We ought to make intercession for one another. Prayer for a spouse is not a one-sided activity and it is not an exclusive-to-the-husband role. 

The best and most often overlooked marriage advice you will ever receive is:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

This blog touches just the surface of this issue and is not a comprehensive study. A comprehensive study would make this much too long for a simple blog post. I chose to condense this to help wives who are currently being abused and beat over the head with this unbiblical idea of the "family priest."


Friday, March 10, 2017

Marriage is not An Airplane (Or a Football Game)

Some guy I never heard of wrote a blog post in response to the "Day Without a Woman" which was held across the country this week. Some women opted to miss work in hopes of showing their boss, patients, students, customers, etc., what it would be like if they were not there.

While I personally would not participate in something like that, others who choose to do so are certainly well within their legal rights. There might be other repercussions, however, like if their boss fires them for not showing up, etc. Anyway, this guy I never heard of who wrote the blog post has quite a few things wrong in his blog post.

In the context, he wrote about marriage. He said men should "man up" and "put their foot down," presenting an idea of a dictatorial boss who has the right, even obligation, to tell his wife what to do. He said (I paraphrase) that people rejoice when a woman "puts her foot down" but reject the same phrase/idea for men. He said people who "oppose male leadership in the home don't oppose it on egalitarian grounds despite what they claim." He said, "They don't actually think that husbands and wives should be leaders equally. They believe, rather, that the wife should be the leader." More on this in a minute.

He went on to compare marriage to piloting and airplane....then to a football game.

Trouble is, marriage is not an airplane, nor is it a football game. No wonder he's struggling so much with his perceived "leadership;" he has no understanding of marriage.

First of all, he does not and cannot speak for egalitarians. He tried to here, but he's dead wrong and clearly does not understand egalitarians. I suspect he's never studied the idea since it's an obvious threat to someone like him. Also, his clear misrepresentation of egalitarian relationships shows his ignorance.

I want to address just a few of his points.

The reason people cringe when a man says he's going to put his foot down but don't when a woman says the same is, women are usually "putting their foot down" to protect themselves from some form of abuse, or to protect their children, whereas men are "putting their foot down" to control someone else just so they have control. Women rarely "put their foot down" to control someone else unless that someone is abusing them and, in that, she's really controlling what happens to her. Men "put their foot down" to control the family. A wife is not a subordinate, but to suggest that a man can and should from time to time "put his foot down," assumes the wife is a subordinate as though she needs someone to tell her what to do.

Secondly, marriage can't be adequately compared to an airplane because we can't designate one person as the pilot and the other as the co-pilot in a marriage. Flying an airliner is not like marriage. Yes, the pilot and co-pilot of the plane have to have a mutual understanding of the plane, but a plane flies by extremely stringent rules and regulations. Both the pilot and co-pilot receive specific training, the exact same training, actually. Marriage is not filled with stringent rules and regulations; no one is telling a husband or wife where to sit.

Thirdly, marriage can't be adequately compared to a football game, either. Certainly a QB often does the job of a running back and scores touchdowns. No one stops him and tells him that's not his role. As a matter of fact, anyone at all who gets hold of the ball and makes a touchdown is praised. No one cares if making the touchdown is not in their job description.

Fourth, a man does not have to set the course for his marriage because God has already done so. They, together are to nuture their relationship, equally, with a common goal in mind. What is that common goal? To love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, soul and strength and to love their neighbor as themselves. That is all.

He said there have to be some set ideas about who does what and why in a marriage. As someone who has been married for 37 years and raised 8 kids with my husband, I find this very confusing. Over the years, we never stuck to designated roles out of the need for inequality in our marriage. I do the cooking, but not because I am a woman and, therefore, belong in the kitchen. I do the cooking for 2 reasons: I like cooking and I'm better at it then he. However, he can get a meal for himself and makes his own lunch to take to work, etc. If I'm not home to cook, he won't starve and I'm not failing in my "role." He's a grown man, he can feed himself. Oh, and it's not my job to tell him what to eat, either. I put out healthy meals; the choice to eat it or not is his. If he wants to eat brownies and ice cream instead, he's free to do so.

He does major home repairs. Not because he's the man and only men should handle hammers; he does major home repairs because he knows how and is better at them than I. However, I do have my own toolbox and all my own tools so I can do things like hang pictures and assemble furniture, etc. Our roles may have been defined over the years, but they are not defined by any Biblical standard, they have been defined by need and ability. We are simply two people getting family life done, either one of us picking up the perceived role of the other at any given time and getting it done.

The points in this guy's blog post are contradictory to what he's suggesting as a practice. On the one hand, he advises husbands to "put their foot down," then tells them they are to die to themselves. Well, which is it? If we die to our own selfish desires, when would we ever put our foot down, and for what? If a man "puts his foot down" and "forbids" his wife from doing something like taking a day off to show solidarity to a cause he may not agree with, he is not dying to himself; he's forcing her to behave as he sees fit. Sharia Law, anyone?

If I really touched all the points I disagree with this man on, this blog post would be too long. It might already be too long. Need marriage advice? Here's the best marriage advice you will ever get:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength; 
and love your neighbor as yourself. 

Forget about the "roles" that people like the blogger try to put you in. Successful marriages are made up of people who don't hesitate to pick up and do whatever it takes to keep the family running without keeping track of whose "role" they thought each task fell to.

Seriously, who does that? Who sets "roles" and lives their life to make sure those roles are fulfilled in the way they perceive they ought to be? Who keeps track of that? If a man is truly "manning up," he's realizing he is no more his wife's authority than she is his and they treat each other with mutual love, respect and submission. News flash, guys: Your wife is an adult; you're not her boss.