Tell Your Story

Recently, a young woman I know found out that her abuser, a pastor, leader in the church, and missionary, had died. She had mixed emotions about it because she had never had the opportunity to get justice.....and now she can't because he died. She wasn't sure there were other victims. She can be sure there were. Abusers don't stop with one victim. Never.

I hope she finds the strength to tell her story. Those other victims need to hear it. They need to know they are not alone and that the future offers hope because of Jesus Christ. 

I was recently dismissed when I tried to tell one of my stories. I was told that it was not necessary to tell what happened because "everyone has stories" and we need to focus on other things.

But, telling the stories is so important. Here's why:

For someone who has been abused, telling their story adds to and aids in the healing process. It's therapeutic for them to tell their story. It helps them process it and the effect it had on them. Being able to articulate it gives them power. The more they tell it, the more powerful over it they become. If you will listen and let them tell their story, you are a hero.

Telling your story helps other victims. If you are able to articulate your story, that is a victory in and of itself and other abuse victims need to see and hear that you can tell what happened to you. There is power in hearing someone else's story because it gives hope to the hearer. 

Your story can help other abuse victims process what happened to them. Getting out of an abusive situation does not put an end to what an abuse victim has to deal with. Memories are strong. Dreams that were shattered because of abuse take time to rebuild. Safety and trust have to be regained. Seeing you be able to tell your story while no longer living under the power of the abuser is mighty medicine for other victims. 

God heals all abuse and victims need to hear how God healed your abuse so they can have confidence He will heal theirs. Coming off abuse, a victim often feels hopeless and is filled with despair. Hearing your story gives them that spark of hope that will eventually end their despair.

Telling your story breaks the shroud of silence that is essential for abuse to keep happening. All abusers depend on the silence of their victims. When you tell your story, you are smashing one of the most important tools and abuser has, silence.  

Sometimes you will try to tell your story to someone and they will dismiss you and not let you. When that happens - and it will happen - move on. That person will not be part of your healing. It's best to move on quickly and realize your relationship with that person will remain surface. While that may initially hurt because you thought you could be closer to that person, it's best to see the reality right away and move on quickly. You can still be friends with that person, but it will be more of a shallow friendship because you can't share your whole heart.

Tell your story.

Tell your story again and again. 

As much as you need to, tell your story. 

Those who will listen will have a huge part in your healing.

~Tricia

Two Years post Stroke

 Today marks two full years since I had a stroke, or a series of strokes as some believe. I've learned a few things throughout this process. I can see God's grace throughout this entire process. What He has taught me through this is hard to put into words. Fortunately, I lost no theology through this....I only got stronger in my theology. His grace is sufficient.

Stroke recovery takes time. I am rather amazed at the time some of my recovery is taking. I've had to learn to be patient with myself. There are a few things I still struggle with.

I still can't sing. I used to sing soprano/first alto, now I can barely do tenor and one or two verses of a song is all I can handle. I can't sing at all in the mornings but can usually do a verse of a song later in the day. It's really a very sad thing for me and I miss singing so very much. A lady asked me just this past Sunday why I don't sing in church. 

I still choke on liquids. Not every time I take a drink, but often enough to make me think about it when eating in public and limit my liquid intake.

I still have balance issues. I don't fall over - I did once, though, the day I came home from the hospital -  funny story  - but I'll often have to pause when walking and kind of reset myself to get a balance.

I lost my bearings for driving, although they are now returning and I can tell the difference. Having bearings is different than a sense of direction. It has taken two years for my bearings to start to come back. For the longest time, I had the feeling I was lost all the time when going places. Now, that feeling is less prominent. 

I still struggle with Pseudo Bulbar Affect, or PBA. It's a laughing/crying disease which causes me to laugh or cry harder than a situation calls for. Any emotional situation can trigger it and I can never see it coming. Some have commented how wonderful it is to laugh so much, but I'm laughing when I don't feel like laughing. I mostly laugh but it manifests itself in crying, too, and it's hard and emotionally exhausting to not be able to stop. One doctor said it's like my emotions are incontinent. As funny as it sounds, it is no laughing matter! My husband wins all arguments now because I simply start laughing and am unable to stop. This morning, I started laughing so hard I had to stop and just laugh it out. I was supposed to be helping my husband with something, but, instead, I just stood there laughing and it was out of control. I was very frustrated but laughing hysterically.

Interest in things I love is returning. I'm just now, this spring, getting interested in photography again. I have quite a bit of photography equipment that has been collecting dust for two years. My motivation for it was gone. My motivation for writing and for many other things has been buried under the cloud the stroke brought. It's all starting to come back now and I'm loving it.

I regained the ability to swim last summer by going to the pool every day and relearning how. I've known how since childhood but my ability to swim was lost with the stroke. The doctor said it's because even though I knew how to swim, my brain no longer had a path to tell my arms and legs what to do. I had to relearn so I could create new paths for my brain to use to tell my body what to do.

I had to create new paths for many things. Things I did without thinking now had to be thought through step-by-step. For example, I knew how to brush my teeth, but my brain had to find a new path to tell my hands how to brush my teeth. This came about by telling myself what to do step-by-step repeatedly for many days, then actually doing it until I created enough muscle memory to do it without going over each step. It was exhausting but very effective.

As much time as my recovery is taking, it is encouraging to see and feel progress. I'm in better health now than before the stroke and have more energy, which is a wonderful feeling. 

Thanks for reading and caring.

~Tricia