Dear Duggars: It Wasn't the Devil

Because the Duggar children are now launching a reality TV show of their own, they are doing promotional teasers in hopes of getting enough viewers to keep their show on the air. In these promotional teasers, they are often addressing their brother, Josh's, infidelity, pornography addiction and other sins which caused the cancellation of their other show. One can't really blame them for wanting their TV show to continue because few things give as much income for so little effort. That lifestyle is very hard to duplicate with regular employment. I'm especially happy that Anna, Josh's wife, will be on the new show because her income possibilities are the lowest given her four children and a husband who has been away for months. I'm happy to see she has an income, but it's unfortunate it's only because of her involvement with her in-laws' questionable lifestyles.

Back to today's blog topic: Josh's brother, John David, said, "The devil took his best shot," when asked about his older brother's sinful lifestyle. Read the full statement here.

We have to cry out against that. It was not the devil. Our Bibles clearly tell us in James 1:14 that a person sins when they are drawn away of their own lust and enticed.

It wasn't the devil,

It was Josh.

Saying the devil took his best shot is an attempt to minimize and draw attention away from the real issue.

I wish the Duggars would not minimize this sin. Daughter Jessa often says, "We're not perfect..."

No one outside the Duggar family has said they are perfect. Disclaiming perfection is also an attempt to minimize and draw attention away from the real issue. "Perfect" is a term only a Duggar has used to describe themselves. Everyone else already knows that no one on the planet is perfect. Perfect is not the goal, but the Duggars use it as their measuring stick so they can say, "Oh, look! We're not perfect!" while they promote a sexual climate in the Name of our Holy God and call themselves godly.

Putting Josh's sin on the devil and minimizing their ungodly lifestyle as "not perfect" is the best way to get and keep a reality TV show. Clearly it works for them.

Don't fall for this lie. Even the secular world knows better and is more honest about this.

Forgiveness of Josh doesn't have to be justified. They can forgive him and give him a chance to regain trust, but they're not doing him any favors by putting his sinful choices on the devil or by disclaiming perfection. He has to own them. He has an Advocate in Christ, as we all do, but to misuse that advocacy by lying and continually minimizing sin is not the path to true restoration.

I wonder how long before the next Duggar scandal will break. They certainly promote a climate supporting sin, so it's only just a matter of time.

Articles referring to the Duggars often refer to them as "ultraconservative," and I cringe whenever I read that because they are far from conservative and certainly not "ultra" conservative. Their wardrobe is a front; it makes them appear conservative while they are truly anything but. Listen to the father, Jim Bob Duggar. Listen to him talk openly about his daughters' sex lives. Listen to him refer to sex or the female anatomy in every single episode without fail. Just listen. Their talk reveals who they really are. All you have to do is listen and you will know.

Minimizing language is so common in Christian circles that victims often feel guilty trying to make others aware of abuse they've suffered at the hands of some Christian person. This is one reason it took so long for Bill Gothard's victims to come forward.

Just as soon as I stop getting cries for help from the victims of these types, I will stop blogging about it. As long as the victims continue, my blogging about it will continue.

~Tricia

How Michelle Duggar Helped Fuel her Son's Infidelity

I work with and help people in abusive situations and I long ago recognized the Duggars as abusive.

In previous blog posts, I mentioned how Josh was a victim of his father's obsession with sex. Jim Duggar could not go one episode of their TV show without mentioning or referring to sex in some way. Even recently, with their show cancelled, he made a cringe-worthy comment on a vlog at a family friend's wedding. He does not get it.

Josh's mom, Michelle Duggar has also fueled a sex addiction for her son. She has repeatedly stated that men have a "need" for sex and advises wives to never, ever say no to sex with their husband, even if they are tired or not feeling well. She said, "Anyone can make him a sandwich, but only the wife can fulfill that physical need for love he has."

No, no, no. Sex is not a need. There is no such thing as a "physical need for love." Josh was openly taught that he needed this. When this turns into a need, a  young man like Josh, who has had no introduction to the world whatsoever, can only see that "need" and will seek to fulfill it in any way he can, in or out of marriage. He was never taught where to draw the line. He was not taught what the Bible says about this; he was taught what Bill Gothard says about this.

He was raised in a patriarchal society where men are always in charge and women are always submissive. Michelle's teachings fit right in....if he wants sex, he gets sex, no matter what. They even excused his reprehensible behavior of molesting his sleeping sisters by saying "this happens a lot" in homes. No. No it doesn't.

This is the exact opposite of what Jesus teaches. It's beyond me how women can sit under that teaching and nod their heads in agreement while they feel all godly doing it. They are nodding to oppression. They are nodding to abuse. They are nodding to the demise of the family they so long for and hold dear. Strong women who stand up to oppression and abuse make for strong families. Women who hide behind a faux-godly facade with a submissive pose do not make for strong families. They belie the very family they are trying to create.

Jesus teaches that men are to love their wives sacrificially. Always sacrificing their felt needs for the benefit of their wife. Always. Jesus, Himself, was the ultimate example of this, sacrificing His life on the cross for us all.

However, this is not an excuse for Josh's behavior. The Bible teaches us that we sin because we are drawn away of our own lusts and enticed. (James 1:14)

The Duggars have stated that "many" people have struggled like Josh and they have taken comfort in this. How odd for professing Christians to take comfort in the sin of others.

Anna Duggar's father stated that "King David had an affair," which is also disturbing because he
appears to justify Josh's actions. King David paid dearly for his sins in the loss of his and Bathsheba's son. King David also owned his sin and did not bring up the sins of others in an attempt to justify or minimize it.

I fear for the Duggar family and the remaining children because all the kids, boys included, were taught what Josh was taught. The boys were (are) taught that they need sex and the girls are taught to provide it without exception.

If you study the FLDS cult in OK and UT, you will see very similar teachings. While the Duggars, as far as we know, do not practice polygamy, many of their teachings are the very same as Warren Jeff's, the FLDS leader imprisoned for child rape and sexual assault. Men lead and take charge, women submit, always, in everything, no exceptions, right down to their hair style and clothes.

Because the Duggar's erroneous teachings have been so public, it deserves a public admonishment. Women, stop taking a back seat in your marriages and in your homes. Yes, we are to submit, as the Bible says, to our own husbands, but that is all. And, your husband cannot make you submit; your submission is between you and God and no one else. Submission, by its very definition, is voluntary; no one but God has any say in your submission.

More than the Bible teaches submission of wives, It teaches submission of all people to all other people. Ephesians 5:22 is often cited as a powerful verse for marriage, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord," but the previous verse is often ignored, "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." We don't get to take one portion of a passage of Scripture and not the rest. When you take Ephesians 5 in its full context, it's teaching submission to one another. The previous verses (18-20) are talking about being filled with the spirit, not drunk with wine, and speaking to each other in psalms and hymns and singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord and giving thanks. 

It's so interesting that the Duggars teach that men "need" sex because the Bible does not teach this. This is secular humanistic teaching. I Corinthians 5:7 admonishes couples, not just wives, "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." As you can clearly see, this verse speaks of mutuality. The husband is not to call the shots any more than the wife is. His desires are not put before hers, but they are mutual. For more mutuality in marriage, read Song of Solomon. The bride and bridegroom equally pursue one another. There is no male "need" for sex taught in Scripture. 

I fear for the Duggar children. I fear for the many who sat under the Duggars' teachings at conferences, church events and seminars. Oppression of women is not easily overcome. It gets into a woman's mindset about herself, her relationship to others and, most importantly, her relationship with God. 

People, this is not what fundamental Christianity is about. This is not what the Bible is about. This is not what Jesus Christ is about. The Duggars and other like them fail to see what the Bible says. They follow "principles" they've learned from some other person, not Christ. 

Look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. 
Throw away your Biblical principles and look to Jesus.
So-called Biblical principles will lead you down sin's road, either by blatant sin or pride of not sinning outwardly. 
Either way, you lose and your family loses.
Look to Jesus.
~Tricia

Biblical Principles Don't Work

For years, Jim and Michelle Duggar told the reality TV world that they rear their children by Biblical principles and they said, more than once, that these principles work to produce godly children.

Then their world caved in when their oldest son's sins of pornography, adultery, lying and hypocrisy surfaced. What happened to the Biblical principles they reared him by? Many people have said, "No one is perfect," but do we really want to bypass what's going on by hiding behind our own sin and declaring what is already obvious?

Biblical principles don't work when it comes to human hearts. Biblical principles are man-made, feed the ego, fuel sin and give those who practice them a false sense of godliness. When I hear someone say they practice Biblical principles for living and raising a family, I cringe.

Now, I know I've created The Priscilla Principle, so this blog post might make me sound like a hypocrite, but I'm not advocating living by Biblical principles with The Priscilla Principle, it's simply a Bible study guide that is meant to keep the Scripture the center of your Bible study instead of mankind's ideas. The Priscilla Principle is not a set of principles to live by, it's simply a Bible study method that discards mankind's ideas about what the Bible says. There is no comparison to the "Biblical principles" the Duggars tout. The Priscilla Principle does not apply any "principles to live by" to your life. It won't tell you what to wear, how to style your hair, whether you should watch TV or not, etc.

I've seen Biblical principles fail before the Duggar scandal hit. I once had a friend who believed Biblical principles could not fail. She thought that as long as she lived by this set of principles which she believed came from the Bible, she would not fail, her kids would not fail and a victorious life would be hers. Trouble is, my friend and all her family members were sinners. She forgot about that when she adopted these Biblical principles and she devoted her entire life to living by these principles.

When she and I talked about these things, she often put these principles out there and would tell me that as long as she raised her kids by these principles, they would grow up to be godly. She said they couldn't fail because God cannot fail and since they lived by "His" principles, they could not fail. She warned me to raise my kids by Biblical principles.

She wore the skirts. She banned TV. She deprived herself of nice things in the name of humility. She reveled in suffering inconvenience, feeling super godly. When my stove broke once during a visit from her and her family, she said, "Oh! You're just like a missionary, suffering for Jesus!" I called a repair man and ended my "suffering." She spiritualized everything she heard, did, said and felt. She was convinced her life was godly and that her kids and husband were godly and that everything they did would see wild success and they would win many, many people to Christ through their victorious, principled living.

Then one day, she locked herself in a shed and set it on fire.
Utter failure. No return. I was devastated and grieve not having her in my life to this day.

If we don't live by Biblical principles, how do we live?

We have to throw away Biblical principles and the man-made standards we think so highly of.
We have to run to the Gospel every single day.

I recently heard a missionary woman give a testimony about her ministry. She said, "We love getting together for Bible studies. I mean, so many times we don't even open a Bible, we just talk about last week's sermon and what we learned from it. I mean, do we really need more Bible knowledge? No! We just need to apply what we've already learned."

I was taken aback. I applaud this woman's lack of hypocrisy in publicly stating that she no longer needs Bible knowledge and doesn't open her Bible at a Bible study, but she's fully embraced Secular Humanism and is headed for a bad fail.

After we throw away Biblical principles, we are free to throw ourselves on the mercy of our Christ and, like Isaiah in Isaiah 6:5, and realize our constant need for the Gospel of God. We need to realize that when James says in James 1:14 that "a person sins when they are drawn away by their own lust and enticed," he's telling the truth and no amount of modesty is going to change that. We have to throw ourselves on the mercy of Christ and not Biblical principles.

I firmly believe Biblical principles, and modern "Bible study books" that teach them, are Secular Humanism in practice. These principles have opened the door of our churches to Secular Humanism and it has come in and gotten very comfortable. It has gotten so comfortable that people don't even recognize it. Instead, they look for principles in the lives of others and even call them out if they think they are not living by what they think are Biblical principles.

The Duggars live by Bill Gothard's principles and Bill has gotten himself into a lot of trouble by sexually harassing and molesting young women repeatedly for years. This is further evidence of the pitfall of perceived Biblical principles.

People cannot create godliness through what they think are Biblical principles.
No matter how many times you post your Bible study online for all to see, it will not produce godliness in you.
We are all without hope in ourselves, ready to lock the shed door and set it on fire.
There is only hope in Jesus Christ, the Giver of life.

Read your Bible.
Observe what It says without speculation.
Interpret It in Its own context without speculation.
Pray.

Do not, I repeat, do not apply It to your life. The Holy Spirit does not need your help or input.

This burden to rid the church of Secular Humanism often fuels my blogging in hopes that I can help prevent another devastating loss like that of my dear friend who ended her life in the fiery shed.

Biblical principles are Secular Humanism. They need to be rejected in favor of the Gospel.
~Tricia

Why Forgiveness Should Not be the Duggars' Focus

Whether Jessa Seewald's Instagram picture of the words of I John were related to her brother's sins of adultery and porn addiction or not, there seems to be a focus on forgiving him. This is problematic for a number of reasons.

Forgiveness, while it can be granted, should not be their focus. Their focus should be Anna and those kids. The only way for the Duggars to come out of all this not smelling like manure is to focus on Anna and the kids. You can bet Anna is not okay. This Facebook post by Jessica Krammes Kirkland sums it up wonderfully and I agree with her wholeheartedly. Click here to read the post.

I don't know Jessica but I commend her for writing this. She is absolutely right. She's 100% on target. We do a horrible disservice to our daughters when we minimize them. This is why forgiving Josh should not be the Duggars' focus. They ought to be focusing on Anna and those kids, only.

Forgiveness is a gift. 

Forgiveness cannot be demanded.

When a perpetrator demands forgiveness, he is further abusing his victim.

If you have watched the Duggars' reality TV show, you have seen Anna be a victim of their self-promoting focus before. Watch carefully. She has been minimized by this family, her childrens' needs have been secondary and she's had to put on her smile and act like everything is ok. Some episodes clearly show that everything was not ok with her. My heart has gone out to her from the start.

~Tricia

Warning! I Saw it coming and Signs of Abuse to Look For

Last night, my husband asked me if I'd seen the latest news about Josh Duggar. I had not. I have blogged about the Duggars before, so he knew of my interest in their false representation of Christianity, which I blogged to refute. The latest news of Josh's accounts at the infidelity website, AshleyMadison.com, was news to me, but not altogether a surprise.

I knew there was more. I believe there is still more than this, we just don't know it yet.

You can read his statement here. He made this statement after he was busted, which gives it less of an impact than it would have had if he had owned the sin a few months ago when he was hiding behind his youth in his other offenses.

As I said in another, related blog post, Josh comes by this behavior and tendency quite naturally, and not just because of his inborn sin nature, which we all share. He grew up in a climate of sexual abuse and sexual exploitation, given freely to him by his father. Even recently, Jim Duggar proved that he doesn't "get it" by making inappropriate remarks at a family friend's wedding.

He and wife, Michelle, further proved that they don't "get it" by stating, "...we are not a perfect family...."

We need to be aware of what this language means. When someone caught in the spotlight of their own sin reminds the world that they are not perfect, this is an attempt to deflect whatever shame, disgrace and humiliation they are feeling.

To claim imperfection is a minimization of sin.
Everyone knows that no one is perfect.
Stating the obvious is an attempt to deflect the sin.
Deflecting the sin is not dealing with the sin.

In his statement, Josh did refer to his behavior as "sin," which is accurate, but by the end of the statement it was a "bad example," and "personal failure." This is not terminology of repentance. Yes, it was a bad example and, yes, it was a personal failure, but it was and is so much more than that. Those are terms others can come to use once they work through the admission and forgiveness aspect of his sins. Those are not terms he, himself, or his family, should use.

Lest you think I'm unforgiving, don't be fooled. I do believe Josh's sins can be forgiven. Of course. Forgiveness is the foundation of our faith because those of us who believe Jesus is our Savior have experienced forgiveness first hand. Jesus says, many times, to people He personally interacted with, "Go and sin no more." He expected their lives to change. He never told them to stop having personal failures because personal failures are inevitable. He never told them to stop being a bad example because we humans are going to be bad examples at times. He told them to stop living their sinful lifestyle. He didn't mince words and neither should we when we deal with these things.

However, the Duggars' issues go further than Josh's infidelity. They go further than his lying. They go further than his hypocrisy.

Raising children in a sexual climate, as the Duggars have, is abuse.

The Duggars have claimed persecution through their various scandals, but they are wrong. They are not being persecuted for their faith. They have mocked faith, have mocked God and His Word.

They are reaping what they have sown.
It's sad.
It's heartbreaking.
It's sin.

World, this is not what Christianity looks like. The Duggars do not represent evangelical Christianity at all.

Evangelical Christianity does not have a dress code where the women are put into skirts for every single activity they ever do and boys must always, always wear long pants.
Evangelical Christianity does not have a hair style requirement in which girls have to have long, flowing hair and boys' hair has to be short and parted on one side.
Evangelical Christianity does not have a set of "Biblical principles" to live by.
Evangelical Christianity is Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, crucified, dead, buried and risen again.

Because I often spot sex abusers within the walls of Christianity before others, I have often been asked how I know. There are a few things to look for.

1. People in "ministry" who name their ministry after themselves. This is rampant. This is a warning sign of something not so Godly. Steer clear. I do.
2. People who often use language that deflects negative attention off themselves. Deflecting language is very popular and often hard to recognize because it can often bring up guilt, making you feel as though you can't say anything because "after all, they admitted they are not perfect." "I'm not perfect" does not work for me.
3. Men who have strict rules and roles for women. One of the most important things a sexual predator or abuser needs to do is reign in the women in his life (or society). These men are not Christ-like. Jesus did not reign in women; He actually chose a woman to be the first to tell the story of His resurrection (and there are many, many more stories of Jesus' interactions with women, none of which are oppressive to the women). In every abusive culture, the women are oppressed in some way, hushed and given a back seat to the men. Run, run as fast as you can from such a place.
4. People who tell you how godly they are. We attended a church once where the pastor told the people how godly he was in every single service. We didn't last 6 months there. When someone touts their own perceived godliness, you can bet they have something to hide. This is another attempt to deflect negative attention from themselves. If someone tells me they are godly, I steer clear of that person and warn my family.
5. People who compare their lives to others and always come out on top. The Duggars do this often, prefacing sentences with "Other families (do this or that) but we (do something godlier)." Comparing themselves to others - and always coming out on top - is a very common tactic of abusers.

Maybe I need to make a more comprehensive list. I do know that reading and studying God's Word for oneself is a sure antidote to abuse of all kinds. We are told to study His Word, yet I find the vast majority of Christians using some study book or commentary instead of the Bible itself. I find this troubling. It's disturbing to me to see Christians using commentaries as study tools. They are not. But, that is fodder for another blog post.

There is hope for Josh in the blood of Jesus Christ.
Because of Jesus, he can own his sin and not be crushed by it.
Since they are so public and prefer to be public and since Josh included me in his statement, I think it's important to set the record straight: the Duggars do not represent Christianity. They represent a set of rules, not found in Scripture, that help them live their abusive lifestyle.

Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift in Jesus Christ.
~Tricia

Why the Duggars' Problem will Continue

It's good that the Duggars explained a few things last night in their interview with Fox News host Megyn Kelly. I was disturbed, however, by their minimization of the abuse. A few minimizations I heard included:

When Megyn Kelly asked about further abuse and some touching that took place under the clothes, Jim Duggar was quick to reply, "Oh, that only took place for a few seconds."

Is it only valid if it lasts longer?

The Duggars used minimizing language throughout the interview. This is cause for grave concern. 

He said they talked to numerous families and found out this happens "a lot" in families they know and some have even worse things happen in their family. Strangely, he found a lot of comfort in this fact. To know that "a lot" of families are having sexual assault go on in their midst is beyond disturbing to me. But, if the families they talked to were "Gothard" families, then there is no surprise. This is what Gothard's material has taught all along.

I can't imagine my kids not being allowed to hide together during hide and seek because I feared one would sexually assault the other. Can you imagine? Suddenly, all boys were ranked as dangerous around their sisters.....they said "Boys don't babysit," which is also weird. Am I the only one who finds this weird?

Some people have cried out that Lena Dunham has not been raked over the coals for sexually abusing her younger sister, but Josh Duggar has been "crucified," as one blogger put it. The difference is clear: Lena Dunham has never claimed to know Christ, has never claimed to live by any "Biblical principles" that the Duggars claim to live by. Through the tenure of their TLC show, the Duggars held themselves up as godly people who are the ultimate example of good, Christian living. They hailed themselves as righteous, publicly compared themselves to others and always came out on top. Hailing themselves as righteous is part of their problem. Self-praise is a trap.

They openly bragged on their children, effectively creating an expectation that they could not fulfill. They don't get to claim to be "attacked" by people who are only expecting them to live up to the expectations, they, themselves set. When we separate ourselves from the world to the level which the Duggars did, publicly claim that we are above the world, publicly proclaim our own perceived righteousness, we will fall harder when we fall. And the fall is sure because the expectation is faulty.

The world, which has been condemned by the Duggars over and over again, suddenly finds itself doing better than they. There are many, many families in the world who do not claim to know Christ, yet they have had no sexual abuse in their home. This goes for all types of families. The world is confused by what appears to be a double standard.  No one has ever had such expectations of Lena. I, personally, expect her to act like the depraved sin-worshiping person she is and nothing more. She does not claim to be morally or spiritually superior.

This is more than a teenage boy unspeakably satisfying his curiosity about girls. This is a boy who was grounded in Biblical principles instead of the Bible and the gospel. The result? The boy did not know his limits. Following principles instead of throwing ourselves on the mercy of the gospel produces this every time. This is why the gospel is so relevant to every day family life.

Should this abuse have been made public? Absolutely not! I hope the Duggars do sue their county or state or whoever is responsible for leaking juvenile records. Whoever leaked or sold the information was wrong.

The Duggars' problems will persist, however, because they are not willing to deal with the underlying problem of dependence on man-made principles instead of the gospel of God.

Moral of the story: Don't hold yourself or your family up to a standard above anyone else. You are not better than anyone else. And, just don't put your family on TV.  (Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to use a forum you despise to promote yourself?)

~Tricia

Why I'm Not Surprised by Duggar Family Secrets

No, I am not one bit surprised by the recently-revealed-after-a-decade-of-cover-up-sins of Josh Duggar. I am not surprised because he comes by it pretty naturally. He was taught to disrespect women by his parents. His own father, Jim Bob Duggar, has openly admitted that he cannot even hug his own daughters in a normal hug; he has to do a side hug. Have you noticed, like I have, that he only gives side hugs to his sons as well? When asked about this by a producer on their TLC show, Jim Bob smiled and stumbled over his words, finally muttering something about "the front" and "you can figure it out." A side hug testifies to the fact that all women are seen as sexual objects by Jim Bob Duggar. He passed this on to his sons.

Do you think this is Godly? Jim Bob says it is. Think again. Word to the wise: When someone tells you they are godly, they are certainly not. Jim Bob does this in the name of "godliness." Eww.

Jim Bob cannot get through even one episode of the TLC show without making some inappropriate sexual remark and/or innuendo, even toward his own daughters. "Hey, Hey, Hey....."

Clearly, despite his claims otherwise, the man's mind is in the gutter, not on God. I haven't allowed my kids to watch their show in a very long time because Jim Bob is so inappropriate.

So, no I am not at all surprised by Josh Duggar's actions, not shocked by the lies and cover-up. I will be shocked if he's the only one.

The Duggars have set their daughters up for abuse in every way. Abuse relies heavily on unspoken rules. While the Duggars will verbally say that the kids can make their own choices, not one of them chooses anything other than what their parents have silently dictated. The silent pressure is immense. All the boys are taught to disrespect women, even while their parents say things to the contrary. Kids will emulate more of what you do than what you say.

Observations in point:

All the girls wear their hair pretty much the same. (Not unlike the FLDS women in the CO cult.) They learned that from Bill Gothard, one of the most noted sex offenders in "the church" today. He taught them that this hair style is godly and will force young men to look at their eyes and not other parts of them. However, this is not true. Their hairstyle is irrelevant to what young men might or might not notice. Gothard finds this hairstyle becoming, so he stamped it godly and they bought into it.

All the girls are taught to "keep sweet" at all times. They have said this on their show. They claim it's godly to "keep sweet." The FLDS cult teaches the same, exact thing with the same, exact wording. I see a pattern here.

All the girls are required to wear skirts at all times. It does not matter what they are doing, they have to wear a skirt. If riding a horse, wear a skirt. If fighting fires, wear a skirt under the suit. Better yet, alter the uniform to be a skirt instead of pants. They teach that wearing skirts is godlier than other ways of dressing. The Bible does not teach this; the Duggars do because they learned this from sex offender, Bill Gothard. The truth is, a girl is much easier to molest if wearing a skirt. That's why Bill Gothard required it. The Duggars have adopted sexual predator practices that make their girls vulnerable, yet they call them "Biblical principles." Nothing could be further from the truth. Wearing of skirts limits girls; limiting girls keeps them "in their place;" keeping them "in their place" makes them vulnerable to predators.

All the girls are required to wear a smile at all times. On their show, a sign saying something like, "You're not fully dressed unless you're wearing a smile," hanging in the girl's bedroom was shown in more than one episode. No matter what you feel, you smile. This is unbiblical. God does not require us to always smile.

All behavior and dress modifications are put on the girls, not so many on the boys. This is typical of oppressive societies. Not one cult or society of abuse has succeeded without taming the women first. ISIS tames their women by making them wear burkahs and having strict behavioral rules for them, including what time they can go outside, if they can go outside at all. The FLDS tames their women by giving them a strict dress code, right down to their hairstyle, and strict gender roles.

I have no doubt the Duggars will try to make themselves the victims here....all abusers do. This is another mark of an abuser; they must become the victim or their abuse won't work. They will try to be victims, accusing those of us who have our voice about this to be abusers ourselves.

No, Michelle and Jim Bob, we are not the abusers. You are not victims. The crimes known were committed by your son. Your crime is in covering it up, lying to the public about what happened, allowing it to happen repeatedly in your own home under your own roof and not protecting those kids from a predator who lived down the hall. We are not abusers to want justice for these girls. Wanting protection for the remaining kids is not a victimization of you. You have your reward. God is not pleased. Had you not covered this up, had you properly dealt with this from the start, your son might not have to endure what's happening to him now, in the press, in the loss of his job, etc.

In this sense, Josh, himself, is a victim. He was taught that girls are property, that they cannot lead, that he is to be the "family priest," which is completely unbiblical in all ways. So, as a teen, he clearly saw those girls as property he could use in any way he wanted. He is a victim of his parents' twisted Bible understanding. Do you see how far twisting the Scriptures can go? This is one reason I am so completely adamant about studying the Bible without looking at anyone else's interpretation. We all must study the Scriptures for ourselves to see if what we are being taught is true.

You might say that he has apologized and the girls have forgiven him. Ok, good. But, what he did was a felony and what his parents did in covering it up and lying about it was just as bad. More than an apology is required here. Those of us who care about young girls who are abused are livid, not only about the crimes committed against them, but the cover up of those crimes. Where is their protection? They are still living under the same set of silent rules, not daring to go against the silence for even a minute.

Speak for the victims. The girls who were abused might say they are ok. They might tell you they have forgiven their abuser. They are not ok; they are not going to be ok unless they get help and have a voice.

And, yet, Josh has apologized, resigned his position with the Family Research Council and issued a statement, which you can read here. You might wonder why I still posted this blog post since the issue appears to be dealt with. Well, read their statements. Neither Josh or his parents address the pain of the victims in their statements. They talk about how Josh's life was changed with the pretense of counseling he did not receive, but no one focused on the victims at all! Josh talked about how he almost ruined his own life, but did not own ruining the lives of so many young girls. If he had been involved in porn, then he could talk about almost ruining his own life and that would suffice. However, he did not dabble in porn (that we know of), he physically and literally molested real, live young girls!

Their statements also did not address the fact that they lied to us all for more than a decade. They lied to TLC; they lied to police; they lied to you.

Their statements minimized his grave, life-altering abuses to "past teenage mistakes." That wording is so important because you have to remember that it was 1) in the past 2) done while he was a teenager and 3) mistakes, not sins. To call these molestations of young girls mistakes minimizes the sin, thus minimizes the impact on the victims. Sexual sin is always minimized in oppressive situations. And, sexual sin is always present in oppressive situations. The wording "past teenage mistakes" is an attempt to minimize the truth.

Any attempt to minimize sin while not acknowledging pain inflicted on a victim is wrong.

This is sickening.
It has been sickening to me for a very long time.
I specifically prayed for the abuse I suspected to be openly revealed.
God has answered my prayers.
It's time for those kids to be protected.

Josh can certainly be forgiven; I am not without compassion. However, I do not believe his parents are doing what is best for him even now because they covered this up, failed to protect other victims, then lied to us all. I wonder if they are going to apologize for all that. Isn't it a crime to lie to police? What happens to that?

Josh needs real counseling, not just a time away doing hard labor. He needs counseling outside the Bill Gothard world they live in. His victims also need counseling and they need it outside the world they live in. They need to be taught to read and interpret the Bible for themselves so they will have power to overcome this abuse and not be a future victim.

A voice for the victims, whether they are aware they need it or not,
~Tricia