Friday, May 22, 2015

Why I'm Not Surprised by Duggar Family Secrets

No, I am not one bit surprised by the recently-revealed-after-a-decade-of-cover-up-sins of Josh Duggar. I am not surprised because he comes by it pretty naturally. He was taught to disrespect women by his parents. His own father, Jim Bob Duggar, has openly admitted that he cannot even hug his own daughters in a normal hug; he has to do a side hug. Have you noticed, like I have, that he only gives side hugs to his sons as well? When asked about this by a producer on their TLC show, Jim Bob smiled and stumbled over his words, finally muttering something about "the front" and "you can figure it out." A side hug testifies to the fact that all women are seen as sexual objects by Jim Bob Duggar. He passed this on to his sons.

Do you think this is Godly? Jim Bob says it is. Think again. Word to the wise: When someone tells you they are godly, they are certainly not. Jim Bob does this in the name of "godliness." Eww.

Jim Bob cannot get through even one episode of the TLC show without making some inappropriate sexual remark and/or innuendo, even toward his own daughters. "Hey, Hey, Hey....."

Clearly, despite his claims otherwise, the man's mind is in the gutter, not on God. I haven't allowed my kids to watch their show in a very long time because Jim Bob is so inappropriate.

So, no I am not at all surprised by Josh Duggar's actions, not shocked by the lies and cover-up. I will be shocked if he's the only one.

The Duggars have set their daughters up for abuse in every way. Abuse relies heavily on unspoken rules. While the Duggars will verbally say that the kids can make their own choices, not one of them chooses anything other than what their parents have silently dictated. The silent pressure is immense. All the boys are taught to disrespect women, even while their parents say things to the contrary. Kids will emulate more of what you do than what you say.

Observations in point:

All the girls wear their hair pretty much the same. (Not unlike the FLDS women in the CO cult.) They learned that from Bill Gothard, one of the most noted sex offenders in "the church" today. He taught them that this hair style is godly and will force young men to look at their eyes and not other parts of them. However, this is not true. Their hairstyle is irrelevant to what young men might or might not notice. Gothard finds this hairstyle becoming, so he stamped it godly and they bought into it.

All the girls are taught to "keep sweet" at all times. They have said this on their show. They claim it's godly to "keep sweet." The FLDS cult teaches the same, exact thing with the same, exact wording. I see a pattern here.

All the girls are required to wear skirts at all times. It does not matter what they are doing, they have to wear a skirt. If riding a horse, wear a skirt. If fighting fires, wear a skirt under the suit. Better yet, alter the uniform to be a skirt instead of pants. They teach that wearing skirts is godlier than other ways of dressing. The Bible does not teach this; the Duggars do because they learned this from sex offender, Bill Gothard. The truth is, a girl is much easier to molest if wearing a skirt. That's why Bill Gothard required it. The Duggars have adopted sexual predator practices that make their girls vulnerable, yet they call them "Biblical principles." Nothing could be further from the truth. Wearing of skirts limits girls; limiting girls keeps them "in their place;" keeping them "in their place" makes them vulnerable to predators.

All the girls are required to wear a smile at all times. On their show, a sign saying something like, "You're not fully dressed unless you're wearing a smile," hanging in the girl's bedroom was shown in more than one episode. No matter what you feel, you smile. This is unbiblical. God does not require us to always smile.

All behavior and dress modifications are put on the girls, not so many on the boys. This is typical of oppressive societies. Not one cult or society of abuse has succeeded without taming the women first. ISIS tames their women by making them wear burkahs and having strict behavioral rules for them, including what time they can go outside, if they can go outside at all. The FLDS tames their women by giving them a strict dress code, right down to their hairstyle, and strict gender roles.

I have no doubt the Duggars will try to make themselves the victims here....all abusers do. This is another mark of an abuser; they must become the victim or their abuse won't work. They will try to be victims, accusing those of us who have our voice about this to be abusers ourselves.

No, Michelle and Jim Bob, we are not the abusers. You are not victims. The crimes known were committed by your son. Your crime is in covering it up, lying to the public about what happened, allowing it to happen repeatedly in your own home under your own roof and not protecting those kids from a predator who lived down the hall. We are not abusers to want justice for these girls. Wanting protection for the remaining kids is not a victimization of you. You have your reward. God is not pleased. Had you not covered this up, had you properly dealt with this from the start, your son might not have to endure what's happening to him now, in the press, in the loss of his job, etc.

In this sense, Josh, himself, is a victim. He was taught that girls are property, that they cannot lead, that he is to be the "family priest," which is completely unbiblical in all ways. So, as a teen, he clearly saw those girls as property he could use in any way he wanted. He is a victim of his parents' twisted Bible understanding. Do you see how far twisting the Scriptures can go? This is one reason I am so completely adamant about studying the Bible without looking at anyone else's interpretation. We all must study the Scriptures for ourselves to see if what we are being taught is true.

You might say that he has apologized and the girls have forgiven him. Ok, good. But, what he did was a felony and what his parents did in covering it up and lying about it was just as bad. More than an apology is required here. Those of us who care about young girls who are abused are livid, not only about the crimes committed against them, but the cover up of those crimes. Where is their protection? They are still living under the same set of silent rules, not daring to go against the silence for even a minute.

Speak for the victims. The girls who were abused might say they are ok. They might tell you they have forgiven their abuser. They are not ok; they are not going to be ok unless they get help and have a voice.

And, yet, Josh has apologized, resigned his position with the Family Research Council and issued a statement, which you can read here. You might wonder why I still posted this blog post since the issue appears to be dealt with. Well, read their statements. Neither Josh or his parents address the pain of the victims in their statements. They talk about how Josh's life was changed with the pretense of counseling he did not receive, but no one focused on the victims at all! Josh talked about how he almost ruined his own life, but did not own ruining the lives of so many young girls. If he had been involved in porn, then he could talk about almost ruining his own life and that would suffice. However, he did not dabble in porn (that we know of), he physically and literally molested real, live young girls!

Their statements also did not address the fact that they lied to us all for more than a decade. They lied to TLC; they lied to police; they lied to you.

Their statements minimized his grave, life-altering abuses to "past teenage mistakes." That wording is so important because you have to remember that it was 1) in the past 2) done while he was a teenager and 3) mistakes, not sins. To call these molestations of young girls mistakes minimizes the sin, thus minimizes the impact on the victims. Sexual sin is always minimized in oppressive situations. And, sexual sin is always present in oppressive situations. The wording "past teenage mistakes" is an attempt to minimize the truth.

Any attempt to minimize sin while not acknowledging pain inflicted on a victim is wrong.

This is sickening.
It has been sickening to me for a very long time.
I specifically prayed for the abuse I suspected to be openly revealed.
God has answered my prayers.
It's time for those kids to be protected.

Josh can certainly be forgiven; I am not without compassion. However, I do not believe his parents are doing what is best for him even now because they covered this up, failed to protect other victims, then lied to us all. I wonder if they are going to apologize for all that. Isn't it a crime to lie to police? What happens to that?

Josh needs real counseling, not just a time away doing hard labor. He needs counseling outside the Bill Gothard world they live in. His victims also need counseling and they need it outside the world they live in. They need to be taught to read and interpret the Bible for themselves so they will have power to overcome this abuse and not be a future victim.

A voice for the victims, whether they are aware they need it or not,

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