Another pastor's sexual abuse of a minor came to light recently. You can read about it here in Amy Smith's blog, Watch Keep.
The young woman was 17 years old when her youth pastor took her out to an isolated place at night and sexually assaulted her. Immediately after the horrific act, he "apologized" and then instructed her to keep it quiet and "take it to the grave."
Some people, even people in her own church, believe she was a "willing participant" and even an "opportunistic woman."
The church was not a safe place for this young woman. She suffered the worst devastation of her life in, and because of, the church.
People, this is preventable. One of the problems with abuse in the church is people's fear of talking about it. The church likes to keep their sin quiet so the world doesn't find out. This is why many perpetrators seek churches specifically as a place to find their victims. They know their secrets are more likely to stay secret in a church more than any other place on the planet. So, they go to churches, they put on the costume of righteousness and they begin grooming their victims.
So, the first thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Stop the silence.
Another thing perpetrators do is make sure their victims are seen as equally responsible for the abuse. This is done by making sure the victim is somehow framed in a negative light. In the young woman's story referenced above, she was immediately painted as "unforgiving" and "bitter" because she spoke out. She was told not even to talk to her own parents! She was not validated or treated with respect. He abused her, he gave her a faux apology, then painted her as the problem for her "unforgiveness." Realize this is part of the grooming; a part of the plan from the start. There is no reactionary behavior from the perpetrator....his actions are all planned out from the start, even his "faux apologies."
So, the second thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Keep all blame on the perpetrator.
In this particular case, this youth pastor's superiors went along with his cover-up. The girl was so traumatized that she finally said something to some trusted women in the church. Oh, but those women weren't to be trusted because they went right to the pastors and the girl got in trouble for telling! They should have gone to the authorities. She was further traumatized and further victimized by her own fellow church members. Gossip ensued, making everything worse, which it always does. What should have happened: the authorities should have been called and it should have been reported. The act itself is criminal and not reporting such an act is also criminal. So, at that point, you have criminals - people actively breaking the law - running your church. And, in this case, the perp got a standing ovation. My word.
So, the third thing to do to help prevent abuse is: Report the abuse to the authorities.
Some people think that if it's handled "internally" within the church, it's over. However, the law of the land, which we are commanded in Scripture to obey, says otherwise. We don't get to decide which points of the law we obey.
If your church is known for not being silent, for not blaming victims and for calling the authorities on criminals, a perpetrator is more likely to look elsewhere for victims. You see, perpetrators scout out their victims. They don't wake up and randomly find a victim....oh, no....they plan, plot, set themselves in a position to do their dastardly deeds and groom their victims carefully. That grooming takes time, is done meticulously and done with intent. A perpetrator will know if your church allows these things to be "handled internally" or if they are handled properly and legally. This is part of their scouting process; they have to know how a church will handle them.
If your church handles things "internally," you are more likely to have perpetrators in your midst.
This can be prevented. It doesn't have to happen.
More to come on this subject. One blog post can't possibly cover every point.
~Tricia
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