Read her top 10 most powerful responses to their victim statements, as chosen by Glamour Magazine, here. Every single one of these made me cry. Then I read them a second time and they each made me cry again. Words can't even express the deep emotion Judge Aquilina's words stirred up in me and, no doubt, within the victims.
Judge Aquilina did what ABWE (The Association of Baptists for World Evangelism) did not do with the victims of their "star" doctor, Donn Ketcham. ABWE did not validate these victims. Instead of showing compassion, they immediately focused on "damage control." To this day, there is an imbalance of power within the organization and some of those people who were part of the cover-up are still in leadership.
The church does not know how to deal with abuse.
The church will not listen to those who do know how to deal with abuse.
Some churches think they are doing something good when they handle abuse "internally," and not get "the world" aka, the police, involved. This is wrong. Organizations are required by law to report abuse and churches are to obey the law. (Romans 13:1,2)
Some churches hold the victim partially responsible for their abuse. This is wrong. A victim is never responsible for the actions of their abuser.
Judge Aquilina's final statement, "Leave your pain here and go out and do your magnificent things," says so much. My statement analysis:
"Leave your pain here" acknowledges the realness of their pain. While some try to minimize a victim's pain, she gave it full acknowledgement and a place in their lives. It was already taking up place in their lives, as pain does in every victim. Acknowledging that pain actually shrinks it. Minimizing someone's pain causes it to grow; it's only through full acknowledgement that healing can start. Many people minimize the pain of others because they, themselves, can't cope with it. Get over it, it's not about you. It's about the victim. Give them every acknowledgement you can and then some. This statement also lets the victims know they have finally found a safe place....here. Leave it here. Here, where the judge can put it in its proper place - the past - and paint a future you never could have imagined.
"and go out" acknowledges that they now have the freedom the abuse initially took away. They have it back. They are free to go out - and be out - and impact the world even more than they already have. This shows a stark contrast to their abuser because it shows that he no longer holds the power. They can go out - he cannot. He got a 175-year sentence; he can't go out. They can go out and he no longer has the power to do anything about that.
"and do your magnificent things" lets these victims know that what they have done, what they are doing and what they will do are all magnificent things. Magnificent is defined as "impressively beautiful, elaborate, extravagant, striking." So, Judge Aquilina said in effect, "do your impressively beautiful, elaborate, extravagant and striking things."
If every victim was given a voice, if every victim was given acknowledgement, if every victim was given validation, if every victim was given vindication, we could start to put a stop to the rampant abuse going on around us.
The church should be leading this, but it is so full of victims it can't find its way.
Church leaders, don't think for a minute that this is confined to USA Gymnastics or to ABWE or to some entity that does not touch you. I guarantee you this: there are victims in your seats and many of them have been abused on your watch, right under your nose. What are you going to do about it?
~Tricia
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