Two Years post Stroke

 Today marks two full years since I had a stroke, or a series of strokes as some believe. I've learned a few things throughout this process. I can see God's grace throughout this entire process. What He has taught me through this is hard to put into words. Fortunately, I lost no theology through this....I only got stronger in my theology. His grace is sufficient.

Stroke recovery takes time. I am rather amazed at the time some of my recovery is taking. I've had to learn to be patient with myself. There are a few things I still struggle with.

I still can't sing. I used to sing soprano/first alto, now I can barely do tenor and one or two verses of a song is all I can handle. I can't sing at all in the mornings but can usually do a verse of a song later in the day. It's really a very sad thing for me and I miss singing so very much. A lady asked me just this past Sunday why I don't sing in church. 

I still choke on liquids. Not every time I take a drink, but often enough to make me think about it when eating in public and limit my liquid intake.

I still have balance issues. I don't fall over - I did once, though, the day I came home from the hospital -  funny story  - but I'll often have to pause when walking and kind of reset myself to get a balance.

I lost my bearings for driving, although they are now returning and I can tell the difference. Having bearings is different than a sense of direction. It has taken two years for my bearings to start to come back. For the longest time, I had the feeling I was lost all the time when going places. Now, that feeling is less prominent. 

I still struggle with Pseudo Bulbar Affect, or PBA. It's a laughing/crying disease which causes me to laugh or cry harder than a situation calls for. Any emotional situation can trigger it and I can never see it coming. Some have commented how wonderful it is to laugh so much, but I'm laughing when I don't feel like laughing. I mostly laugh but it manifests itself in crying, too, and it's hard and emotionally exhausting to not be able to stop. One doctor said it's like my emotions are incontinent. As funny as it sounds, it is no laughing matter! My husband wins all arguments now because I simply start laughing and am unable to stop. This morning, I started laughing so hard I had to stop and just laugh it out. I was supposed to be helping my husband with something, but, instead, I just stood there laughing and it was out of control. I was very frustrated but laughing hysterically.

Interest in things I love is returning. I'm just now, this spring, getting interested in photography again. I have quite a bit of photography equipment that has been collecting dust for two years. My motivation for it was gone. My motivation for writing and for many other things has been buried under the cloud the stroke brought. It's all starting to come back now and I'm loving it.

I regained the ability to swim last summer by going to the pool every day and relearning how. I've known how since childhood but my ability to swim was lost with the stroke. The doctor said it's because even though I knew how to swim, my brain no longer had a path to tell my arms and legs what to do. I had to relearn so I could create new paths for my brain to use to tell my body what to do.

I had to create new paths for many things. Things I did without thinking now had to be thought through step-by-step. For example, I knew how to brush my teeth, but my brain had to find a new path to tell my hands how to brush my teeth. This came about by telling myself what to do step-by-step repeatedly for many days, then actually doing it until I created enough muscle memory to do it without going over each step. It was exhausting but very effective.

As much time as my recovery is taking, it is encouraging to see and feel progress. I'm in better health now than before the stroke and have more energy, which is a wonderful feeling. 

Thanks for reading and caring.

~Tricia