Ownership

As a child, my most precious memories aren't of being at home with my 7 siblings, or family dinners where we learned about each other's day.  Our home was always tension-filled with my father's drama in his alcoholism. When I look back, I see my most precious memories at my maternal grandmother's house.  She doted on us constantly, baked fresh cookies and cakes, never raised her voice and brought stability to my life in a way that nothing else did.  I didn't have many plans for when I grew up.  Seemed to me that actually surviving my dad's violence and growing up was enough of a goal. I had no room for thoughts of what I would do once I grew up. But, I did make one plan.  Because my grandma's house was so special, so peaceful, so wonderful and so delicious-smelling, I decided that would be my house when I was a grandma.  I was going to be my Mammow Leach.  All my grandchildren would come to Sunday dinner and watch me bake and I'd warn them not to "gom" their cookies all over the floor and I would smile and I would look just like Mammow Leach.

Now I have grandchildren; 2 of them.  Just last year at this time, my then 5-year-old grandson sat in my kitchen watching me bake and he said, "You sure know how to bake!" and he loved watching me and I told him what the flour would do once I put all the other ingredients in it and we made a marvelous memory.  And he lived with us for 6 months, he and his mom, while his dad was deployed to Afghanistan.  And we made a myriad of memories in that time.  Then he went home.  To the east coast.  And I remained in Minnesota.

And, I have a granddaughter who is the definition of beautiful, and smart and energetic and fascinating and awesome and thoroughly amazing. And I've only seen her in person once. And she's never been to my house.  She lives in VA with my daughter and her husband.  And I honestly don't know when I'll see her - or them - again.  Money is tight. Time is tight.  Minnesota is a long way from Virginia.

Ministry has brought us to Minnesota.  Our last ministry had us in New York for 19 years.  Most of our 8 children grew up in NY and they have a history there.  They have no history in MN, although each and every one of them serve the Lord in some capacity whenever they visit us here.  I was honestly unprepared for this side-effect of ministry; this side-effect being that we have no "homestead" as most people think of a homestead.  There is no permanent home. Home is defined by where we are at the time, not by the history of one place or another like when I was a kid.

If I could, I would insure that my kids are always geographically close enough for the occasional Sunday dinner with the family where we could make the same memories I have.  But, the reality is, even if all my kids suddenly moved to Minnesota to be close to us, the ministry could easily move us to Arizona!  All this has me thinking of ownership quite a bit, so I made a list of things I used to think I own but realize I don't.

1.  I don't own my kids.  That "mother hen" instinct is strong and I had it in mega-doses since I have such a large family.  But, the bottom line is, they are going to grow up and they are going to have their own lives and I have to let them.  If that leads them to Iraq, so be it. If that leads them to the coast while I live in the heartland, so be it. I do not own them. While they love me and I love them, I don't own them and part of loving them is letting them live their own lives.  I see many parents who struggle with this and clip the wings of their kids so they'll stay close, but clipping wings doesn't work in the long run.  They end up going farther from us in their hearts than they ever would have geographically.  With fully-spread, un-clipped wings, they are free to fly to the ends of the earth, then back home again.  And they will come home, but it will be their home, not mine. (And we have Skype and that really, really helps!)

2. I don't own my marriage.  It may come as a surprise to some people, but the person we marry is an entirely separate person!  The only thing I own in my marriage are my own choices and behaviors.  I don't own him and can't tell him how to live his life.  I'm not his manager; I'm not his boss; I'm not his mom; I'm not in charge of him. I'm also not in charge of how my marriage is; I'm only in charge of my own actions, choices, and words.  I don't own him.

3. I don't own the ministry.  This might be tough for one who is a pastor's wife, since the ministry affects our lives daily in nearly every area, but we still don't own it.  We can't manipulate an outcome just because we don't like how it might affect our lives otherwise.  The ministry is God's and God's, alone.  I know first hand how the ministry affects the daily life of a pastor's family.  While most other church members can go home and forget about church, the pastor's family can't do that. And, we live on the campus of our church, so it's a daily reminder that every single thing that happens is going to affect us in this house - and it does.  Still, I don't own it. The sovereignty of God is still in effect, even on the campus of any given church where the pastor and his family might live. I don't own it; I can't control it; I can't manipulate it.  This is the sole reason why I cringe when someone starts a ministry, then names it after themselves.  Yikes!  It speaks volumes; I couldn't do that.

So, those are the main 3 things that thinking about ownership has led me to concentrate on.  Letting go of ownership is incredibly freeing......it leads to deeper faith because we actually get to see God's sovereign will in action.  Romans 8:28 is true for my kids, my husband and the ministry, all the things that are primary in my life.

Because of God's sovereign grace in my life, I'm able to be a long-distance grandma with grace and peace. Not that I don't miss them - oh, my word, I miss them all the time!  But, I don't despair and wallow in self-pity because I can't see them every week.   I sure wish I could, but this is one of the prices that people in ministry pay.  At first, I was unprepared for this realization, but I'm ok now.  Because of God's grace.

~Tricia

Just a Little Twist

All it takes to change the Word of God and how It is presented is a little twist.  Most little twists are not even noticeable, but they carry huge ramifications.  Here's a recent example to show you what I mean.  I recently heard a sermon from a pastor in my area; the pastor of a regular Baptist church. The sermon was on The Prodigal Son, a familiar passage of Scripture to most of us.  There are a few twists in this sermon, but the one I'm going to concentrate on here is the fact that this pastor states "All things work together for God's glory, but not all things work together for good....in our own life."  This statement is around the 17 minute mark here in this online sermon.  If you listen to the whole thing, you will note that this pastor had previously quoted Romans 8:28 and clarified that things don't necessarily work together for good for those who are not called and who do not love God.  That's not how the Bible states it, but that's how this preacher presents it here. I won't argue this point,  but when he states this at minute 17, it is not qualified by those who don't love Him.  As a matter of fact, he says, "in our own life..." indicating he's talking to his believing listeners (members of his church).

This is just a little twist.  God states in Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  At minute 17, this preacher disagrees with God on this issue.

One might argue that this is a small point, not that big of a deal. But, it IS a big deal and I'll tell you why. If this preacher disagrees with God on this point, what other points does he disagree with God on?  When God makes a statement, we don't get to disagree with Him.  If God says that all things work together for good, then all things work together for good whether we see the good or not.  This is faith in Who God is. This is faith that God is Who He says He is.  

Disagreeing with God from the pulpit is the perfect way to plant doubt in the minds of the people listening.  One little doubt has huge consequences. The serpent fed Eve a little doubt....just a little statement, "You shall not surely die....."  as though the idea is totally ludicrous. And Eve took the seed of doubt.

You might think I'm being hard on this preacher.  I don't think so.  The handling of the Word of God is not to be taken lightly.  God manifests His Word through preaching. Preachers have the responsibility of presenting God's entire Word as faithful and true.  This preacher is a doubter and has fed his doubt to his people.

I have issues with a number of other things in this sermon, like his portrayal of God's foreknowledge and predestination and his thoughts on man's perceived free will.  But, I wanted to focus on this one little twist today and draw attention to it.  

Really listen to preachers.  Weigh what they teach and preach. Compare their words to Scripture and make sure they measure up.  Make 2012 your year to be like the Berean people of whom, in Acts 17:11, it is recorded that they not only listened with eagerness to the messages, they also searched the Scriptures daily to make sure what Paul taught was the truth.  This is a responsibility we all have the opportunity to practice. You might be surprised at how much doubt is being planted once you start practicing this.

They searched the Scriptures DAILY. That's how committed they were to the purity of the preaching.  

~Tricia

A Real Pause

There's a lot of hype about saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" this year.  I, personally, don't get offended either way.  Saying "Happy Holidays" does not mean that someone is leaving Christ out of Christmas, it simply means  they hope their hearers will have happy times through all the holidays of this season.

But, did you notice that the entire world pauses for Christmas?  Yes. The entire world pauses for Christmas. Whether they "celebrate" it or not, they pause.  And that pause speaks volumes because the world does not pause for any other "holiday" or occasion in the same way it pauses for Christmas.

Even though they might not understand what it's all about, they pause.

Even if they are just looking at their retail bottom line, they pause.

They pause for our Christ, even if they don't know Him.

They pause.  Think about that. The entire world pauses.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
~Tricia

Filter Bubbles and Christ

Mark Zuckerberg said, "A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa."  He was making that statement in light of filter bubbles - that conclusion reached from the links you consistently click.....the profile that was created for you by your internet usage patterns. The conclusion that a dying squirrel is more relevant than people dying in Africa is reached by what is clicked on, what is viewed and what is read on the internet.

What is a filter bubble?  It's the practice of online engines creating a profile for you that filters what you view by analyzing and keeping track of what you click on, view and read.  Oh, yes, they keep track and they form a pattern and create an entire profile of you, then direct your internet usage to conform to that profile in what they think will be the branches of the internet you want to see or read.  You can easily see this demonstrated by having a group of friends, both male and female, both liberal and conservative, etc., search the exact same things on their respective computers.  You will be amazed at the huge difference in the same search on Google by two different people. Filter bubbles.

What does my theology have to do with filter bubbles?  It means that the world can track my interests. It means that my Christianity is visible to the world. To me, it means I need to approach the internet with intention toward Christ.  But, this intention is not limited to the internet. Aren't we supposed to approach all life with intent toward Christ?  Filter bubbles might just make that more doable for most of us as we struggle with the pull this world lures us into.

Filter bubbles might make it harder to look at and understand and know about things that make us uncomfortable, but we are not to fear the uncomfortable; we are to embrace it knowing that Christ is the answer.

My theology makes me want to be aware of filter bubbles, keep them in mind and intentionally go out of my comfort zone to look at people dying in Africa, at people starving in Indonesia, at girls being killed in India, at all human suffering with an eye toward Christ, knowing He is the only Answer that will help them.

But, sin?  Indulging in sin on the internet?  It may tempt, but, Christian, keep in mind, the world is watching.

~Tricia

Beware Your Liberty...

I've heard people say, "Well, we don't have to go to church," or "We don't have to go" to this or that meeting at church just because it's scheduled when it is.  We don't have to go.........we don't have to give..........we don't have to work with difficult people...........we don't have to!

Beware this trend in your heart.  If, in the process of "practicing your liberty" in Christ, you find yourself using this liberty as an excuse for what you have grown weary of in your church, or in your life, you'd better wake up and check your salvation pulse. You might be dead.  No, it would not mean you have lost your salvation, but it might mean you were never a child of God's to begin with.

Our Christian liberty is not given to us to be exercised in freedom from service to Him; it is given to us so that we are free to serve Him.

The writer of Hebrews brings this home in a very real way.  In chapter 10, he admonishes us as follows:

²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, ²⁵ not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

This does not mean  "Let us" as in a command.  It means "Let us" in that we are no longer hindered from doing what he has said.  It means to no longer be hindered. The tense of the verb is present - we ARE no longer hindered to consider one another.  

Our liberty in Christ is not a ticket to do what we want, or not do what we don't want to do; it's a ticket to serving Him unhindered.  

Praise be.

~Tricia

How Many Irons in the Fire?

This might be the wrong analogy, but "irons in the fire" is a common phrase even in our modern day when we don't have to put our irons in the fire to heat them up.  Nope, we plug them in, choose the best setting and wait while they heat up.  I think the saying "irons in the fire" comes from the fact that many, many, many years ago, people had to actually put their irons in the fire to heat them up before they could use them.  Then, when they got cold, they'd have to put them back into the fire to reheat and do this over and over again.

Unless they had many irons in the fire.  If they were fortunate enough or had planned well enough, they might be able to afford many irons to put in their fire. Then the trick would be to keep track of which iron was put into the fire earliest so they'd know which one was the hottest, which one needed more time, etc.  Thus, we have the phrase "many irons in the fire" and we use it as though we really know what we're talking about, when most of us have never actually put an iron in a fire.

Or maybe it came from the use of branding irons, which ranchers heated to brand their cattle or other livestock.

Either way, I DO have a point to this topic.  I have found that I work best with many irons in the fire.  For years, I fought this, thinking I was only allowed to have one real passion if I were to do my passion justice. But, rearing eight children has taught me that having many irons in the fire - or many interests and passions going at once - actually helps me work better.  So, I've stopped fighting this thinking in my life and embraced my many, many passions. And the cool thing is, I don't feel like I'm cheating any of them, or myself by pursuing many at one time.

My passions are many.

I love writing and it's likely my favorite. I love to teach writing and have a successful class going through Community Education that I LOVE.

I love helping others through abuse recognition and recovery.  It's very satisfying to help someone who is going what I went through, then they see me living in victory and it helps them.  This makes II Corinthians 1:4 come alive!

I love cooking.  I do that nearly every day.

I love baking.  I do that nearly every day as well.

I love photography.  I am an award-winning amateur photographer and love the challenge of photography. The satisfaction of that hobby is all over the walls of my house.

I love scrap booking and paper crafting and the creative process.

I love home schooling. I have 4.5 years of that left and I realize that I'd better get my other hobbies in full gear when that ends. I've been home schooling 25 years now.

So, having many irons in the fire is no longer something I will fight. I will embrace my varied interests and passions and give each one its due and never feel like I'm cheating any of them, or myself.   I've realized it's ok to have all these irons in the fire because I am blessed to have so many irons in the first place!  My irons represent opportunities and opportunities abound!

~Tricia

Conditioning

We get conditioned to certain behaviors and that conditioning leads to expectation. Expectation, if properly used, can lead to great success.  But, it starts with conditioning.  Conditioning also has a dark side. Abusers know this.

As parents, most of us condition our children to believe they can be anything they want when they grow up. We encourage them to try their wings, to dream big, to create all they want and to learn.  This is a form of conditioning.  Most conditioning is thought of in a positive light.  We condition our hair for a better result. We condition our bodies to perform better athletically. We condition our mind to learn better by studying.

But, there's another type of conditioning we need to be wary of.  Negative conditioning.  This type of conditioning is so subtle that many people have no idea they are being conditioned to fail.  There are many types of negative conditioning, but for today's blog post, I want to focus on one particular aspect of negative conditioning:  Economic

Economic Negative Conditioning is Economic Abuse.

Here's how it works:  First, an appealing scene has to be created.  Often, I've seen "ministry" as the chosen vehicle of economic abuse.  The abuser creates a "ministry" mindset that makes it hard for the abused person to argue with.  If what he's doing is "ministry," it's hard to argue with that without seeming unspiritual.  This is economic abuse paired with spiritual abuse.  Often, abusers have to pair different types of abuse together to make one or the other seem plausible.

Once an abuser establishes his or her avenue of abuse, such as using "ministry" as a front, they have successfully set the stage for their next move.  In the name of "ministry" one can't want financial gain, economic success or nicer things.  If an abuser sets his victim up (conditioning) to expect less, they are free to be lazy, have other priorities, not work hard and then pursue their own interests outside of their financial responsibilities to the person they are abusing.  Inevitably, the abuser is doing this to someone they are financially responsible for.

Conditioning a person for economic abuse happens over time.  The abuser can't spring this on a person all at once; they take their time and patiently repeat certain ideas and expectations to the point where, over time, the victim automatically falls in line with the negative way of thinking they are being conditioned toward!  It's a process that abusive people have often perfected and rarely does a victim even know they are a victim until years into it when they wake up one day and decide they are tired of struggling.

Enough said for now.  Economic abuse is rampant among abusive people.  If you suspect you are in an economically abusive situation or relationship, tell someone you trust.  They may already suspect the reality of this in your life, and you speaking out will confirm it.  Recognition of abuse is the first step in stopping abuse.

~Tricia