Four Reasons You Can be Glad Your Enemies are not Dead

Someone does you wrong. You are hurt, angry, in disbelief and experiencing a host of other well-justified emotions. It often happens within the church. Someone gossips about you, lies about you, lies to you, etc. We've all been there. We even wish punishment on them. We wonder how such a holy God can tolerate their abuse of others. We hope God will pour out His righteous judgment on them so we can get justice and feel vindicated.

But that normally doesn't happen.

Now what?

I'll tell you what.

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad. If God were in the practice of striking people dead for hurtful infractions they inflict on others, we'd all be dead.

Be glad your enemies are not dead because it means God is showing mercy.

And if God shows them mercy, as horrible as they are, you can be sure He will show you mercy. It doesn't mean what they did to you was justified or tolerable. It means His mercy endures forever. Rejoice.

Be glad your enemies are not dead because it means they have more time to get right with God.

True Christianity compels us to want even our enemies to come to God. His patience with them gives them more time to get right with Him. If you are in the midst of  pain caused by others, you might not see it, but God has vision beyond our pain and we can count on His unchanging character to carry us through. This is mercy and grace, things we all need.

Be glad your enemies are not dead because it means there's time for your relationship with them to heal.

You might think this statement is ludicrous, but I've seen it happen. I've seen people who were stark enemies have their hearts softened toward each other and their relationship was restored. God is the God of restoration, no one does it better or more thoroughly, or through more impossible obstacles.

Be glad you enemies are not dead because they, too, have loved ones.

It might be hard to fathom that your enemy has someone who loves them, but they do. Everyone comes from a family and most go on to create their own families. While it's hard for you to see how anyone can love someone who has hurt you so deeply, it's true that some people do love them and it might be too grievous for those loved ones to lose them.

Rejoice in life - even the life of your enemies.
~Tricia

9 Things I Taught My Sons About Dating

My five sons have called me a drill sergeant, a title I take with pride. I was strict with all eight of my kids, but today, because I've become aware of some dating red flags among Christians, I want to focus on things I taught my sons when they started dating.

I didn't necessarily sit them down and give them a list or even a speech where these things were delivered in a formal way. Rather, these things were addressed as they came up, but were universal for all my sons.

This list assumes Christians participants.

1. She owes you nothing. You may fall in love with her, but that love gives you no rights with her. She can choose not to love you back and you cannot make her love you. She owes you nothing in return. A love that expects love in return isn't love and you're better off getting over it quickly.

2. You get to have zero expectations. You cannot expect a girl to drop her life and be at your beck and call. She has a life of her own and you have to respect that. Expectations kill relationships.

3. Her relationship with Jesus is hers and hers, alone. She does not have to follow anyone's lead when it comes to her relationship with Jesus. You have no say in her relationship with Jesus. Do not expect to have influence, input or claims to her relationship with Jesus. Should you marry this girl, this point is true beyond the wedding. She may choose to include you in her relationship with Jesus, but the choice is hers and you don't get to weigh in on it.

4 You are not her boss. This is America; she has freedom to go where she wants, with whom she wants, when she wants. You cannot influence or interfere with her relationships with other people. You don't get to decide who her friends are, or make her choose your friends - or you - over her friends.

5. You are not the leader in the relationship. Even after you're in a committed relationship with a girl, you are not her leader. She does not need a leader because the Holy Spirit lives in her as much as He does in you and is perfectly capable of leading her as He promised. You do not take the Holy Spirit's place in her life.

6. No means no. "No" is a complete sentence. Do not beg, coerce, trick or otherwise try to engage her in any thing she does not want to participate in.

7. She does not owe you an explanation. If she says no to an invitation to a date, party or other event, take no for an answer and let it go. She does not have to tell you why. She might choose to tell you why, but if you ask and she doesn't want to tell you, she does not have to. See #6 and #1.

8. She is not your everything. Jesus is your everything. If she becomes your everything, your relationship with Jesus has taken a back seat and you are out of line.

9. You are not her spiritual leader. As a believer in Jesus Christ, she is a priest and needs no one else to be her spiritual leader. This extends beyond the wedding, too. Scripture teaches the priesthood of all believers....she does not need your spiritual leadership and Scripture does not support it.

I realize this list is for boys and men, only, but I felt it pertinent to write out this list because of the abuse I am seeing inside young relationships. This list is not to indicate that girls are never abusive. They can be and many are. For this post, however, I'm addressing it from the male perspective and from what I have taught my own sons. I can write a similar list for girls at another time.

As a side note to this, youth group leaders should not be teaching young men how to be the leaders in their relationships, but I see that many are, under the guise of "preparing them for marriage." This is hogwash. Youth leaders need to equally teach both young women and young men to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength and to love their neighbor as themselves. Parents, settle for nothing less. You call the shots with your teens, call them loudly and without apology.

~Tricia

The Real Black Friday Woe

I've seen the posts on my Facebook timeline....the ones where Black Friday crowds are compared to crowds of people in a third-world country who have nothing but are still happy. I'm not sure what the motivation is for people posting those, but I want to talk about those pictures for a minute.

Let me preface this post by saying I don't go out shopping for Black Friday sales, but it's not because I hate the idea of Black Friday or because I am affected by pictures of people with nothing in third-world countries. I don't do Black Friday because I hate crowds of people. I don't do rallies or large concerts or sporting events for the same reason. I did attend a few Baltimore Orioles games in the past few years, but was willing to go because we had box seats and there are only a handful of people in a box seat and they feed you very well. (Oh, those crab cakes!) I don't avoid Black Friday for any noble reason.

I did Black Friday twice in my life that I can remember and it was when my oldest two kids were really little. I went with my sister-in-law, who went every year, and I was stressed out, peopled-out and exhausted by the end of the day. It's not my cup of tea.

But, I think those who do participate in Black Friday are doing a great thing. They are bargain hunting all while boosting our economy. Black Friday and other major sales which bring people out are part of the reason we are not a third-world country. Not only does it show that our Republic is thriving, it shows an energetic economy that is continuing to grow.

So, before we come down hard on those Black Friday shoppers, we need to stop for a minute and realize all they do for our economy. We need to realize we are a first-world country because our economy is strong and sales like this are possible.

We have an expectation here in the USA that families should all stay home on Thanksgiving and do family things. But, some families don't need such a box to operate in. Some families can bond over a bargain or by going to lunch together after a full morning of shopping that started at 5am. Not every family has the opportunity to do what most people think is a traditional Thanksgiving. I, personally, don't like the idea of going out shopping on Thanksgiving Day or the day after because I do all the cooking and am pretty exhausted afterward. Plus, again, the crowds.

I would like to see less condemnation of Black Friday shoppers and, instead, see more "live and let live." One shopping trip when a person can save the most money does not indicate they have their priorities mixed up, it might be the only way some can even give gifts to their loved ones. It does not indicate they are not laying treasures in Heaven. God so loved that He gave and most people are giving to mimic that, however short they fall. Only God knows their hearts.

A free market economy like we enjoy here in this great Republic allows us to give more to those poor people of the world who have nothing. It allows us to employ people and cause economic growth. Many great American individuals and organizations have helped start schools, businesses, rebuild towns, provided needed medical care, etc., in third-world countries. Without our robust economy, we would not be able to do that.

Yes, I know, some people go to Black Friday events and get violent and aggressive, but aggressive, violent behaviors happen regardless of Black Friday because there continues to be evil people in the world.

Enjoy your free market economy and realize it's why you are not sitting on a street corner in your own dirt with nothing.

The real Black Friday woe is the condemnation of its participants by those who make themselves judges.

Go shopping guilt free.
(Guilt is a deceptive motivator anyway.)

~Tricia

The Female Priests

If you go through the doctrinal statement of an evangelical church, you will no doubt find "the priesthood of all believers" as one of the doctrines they adhere to. This adherence is based on I Peter 2:9, which says, "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:"

Evangelical churches embrace this verse with passion, but I'm sorry to say, it appears they only practice part of it.

Let's take a look at the priesthood. As recorded in Hebrews 9:1-7, we know that the Old Testament priests had to adhere to a very strict set of regulations when entering the tabernacle and only the high priest could enter the "holy of holies," which was behind a curtain or veil. This is a very brief summary of the workings of the tabernacle, so please read the Scriptures for the full story. There is an area in the tabernacle where only one person on the planet was allowed to enter and he had to enter in a very specific way, on a very specific date and for a very specific reason. Leviticus 16:2-34 gives a more detailed account, as do several other passages of Scripture.

For this blog post, I simply wanted to point out the fact that before the death of Jesus Christ, there was a veil separating us from God and only an appointed high priest could access the area behind the veil.

In Matthew 27, we find Jesus on the cross. Verse 50 - 52 say, "Jesus, when he had cried out again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. At that moment, the veil of the temple was torn in two, from the top to the bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split and the graves were opened and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised."

At the moment Jesus died, the veil was torn in two and rendered unnecessary. There was no longer a veil separating us from God. Emmanuel, being God with us, had destroyed the barriers. The veil is gone, hence 1 Peter 2:9 applies to all who believe in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We all have equal access to God; there is no longer the need for a priest.

This is where the waters get muddy in evangelical circles. While any evangelical you meet will vehemently state they surely do believe in the priesthood of all believers, they will also tell you they believe a husband is the spiritual head of the wife.

How the churches teach and practice this priesthood conflicts with their own doctrinal statements.  They are wrong in their practice. This is anti-biblical teaching. It's anti-biblical because God, Himself, states the very opposite of this. The husband is not the spiritual head of the wife; Jesus is the only head. It's vital to understand this in an age where secrets of abuse are finally being revealed and the abuse is deeply rooted in patriarchy.

We female priests have equal standing in Jesus. We have equal access to the understanding of Scripture since we have the Holy Spirit living within us as believers in Jesus. Scripture does not have a patriarchal filter. We women do not have to step aside; we are priests.

Gals, let no one - not a husband, not a father, not a pastor, not anyone - come between Jesus and you. God is talking directly to us, girls. No one stands between us. We are priests.

~Tricia

Are Women Distractions?

Joe* was organizing an event at his church that spanned several nights. In an effort to include as many young people as possible, Joe planned to use both boys and girls as ushers.

A male leader in Joe's church took Joe aside and questioned him about using girls as ushers, telling him he didn't think it was a good idea. Joe was taken off-guard by this because he saw no rules against female ushers anywhere in the Bible or within his church's own policies. So, he asked this leader why he didn't think it was a good idea.

This church leader had one answer: "They are a distraction."

Wait, what? Women and girls can't be ushers in a church because they are a distraction?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

No, Mr. Church Leader, women and girls are not distractions.....the problem is you. Mr. Church Leader, you have a problem with lust. Don't try to cover your sin up by putting a label on all the female people in the congregation. Your sin problem is HUGE and is leading to the abuse of other people.

You are denying women the opportunity to serve Jesus because YOU lust after them every time they walk by.

You are denying women the respect you are commanded to give them (I Timothy 5:2) because YOU lust after them every time they walk by.

You are potentially causing another church member (Joe in this case) to stumble in their faith because YOU can't control your thought process around all women.

If women are denied the opportunity to serve Jesus because church leadership finds them distracting, it's the church leadership who has the problem and the women should not be punished because of it. It's like telling them, "Because we find you attractive and are distracted by your beauty, you do not get to serve Jesus."

Oh, my.

This mindset has to stop. It's part of the problem. In I Timothy 5:2, Paul admonishes Timothy to treat the older women as mothers and the younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. So, church leaders who find women so distracting that they can't so much as "allow" her to serve as an usher need to examine their own hearts and get their lustful thoughts under control - or resign as unqualified.

This shows me that women in evangelical churches are held captive to the unholy, ungodly, sinful thoughts of men and this is dangerous. It's akin to making allowance for sin...like saying the pastor can't control his thoughts so we'll control the women instead of dealing with the sinful lusts of the pastor.

Do you realize how common this is?
I shudder.
If you're interested in knowing more about how this subtle attitude hurts women and hinders ministry, click here.

~Tricia

Get Outta My Church!

We had attended a new church for a couple months and were initially glad to find a church that seemed to preach the Truth. It has been a difficult journey since moving to MD over five years ago. Even conservative Baptist churches are not preaching the Word; they are steeped in Secular Humanism.

So, we found this little church in a tight neighborhood and the "senior pastor" preached mostly expository messages. He veered off into opinion occasionally, but I've learned to tune that out. We even said "Amen" aloud a couple times. The people were friendly, a couple women even hugged me. They seemed sincere. They did not make announcements or utilize a bulletin of any sort, so we never felt we knew what was going on other than Sunday morning. I thought that was strange.

One Sunday, we got there to find that the "senior pastor" was out of town and his son, the "assistant pastor" would be preaching. This son is very green and clearly needs some homiletics training. But, we aren't going to cause a fuss over an ill-experienced preacher who is still learning to preach. We all start somewhere. However, one thing he said in his sermon struck a sour cord with me, but it had nothing to do with God's Word or God at all. He said our military men and women go into battle thinking they could never die; that they think it could never happen to them. He said they just go into battle with a flippant attitude. I shifted in my chair. My son had gone into battle....and before he did, he had to sign over power of attorney to us. He knew what could happen to him. He wasn't flippant.

Afterward, when this young man and his wife were greeting us at the door, I said - in passing, not as a confrontation - that our military men and women go into battle fully aware of what could happen to them.....but they go anyway. He said, "Oh, sure, sure.....yeah."

A few weeks later, the son preached again. This time, he butchered James 1, completely misrepresenting the passage and in a very damaging way. We felt bad for the congregation. At the door, as he shook his hand, my husband invited the young man to take a second look at James 1, read it over slowly and simply take a second look. Who would reject an invitation to take a second look at a passage of Scripture? Humility requires that we all respond positively to such an invitation.

However, the next day, my husband got an email from the "senior pastor" telling us that since David and I both met his son with opposition, and because he read my blog, we were no longer welcome to attend his church.

Now, because of red flags in their teachings and practices I was already seeing, I, personally, had already realized I could never put my full heart into that ministry. But, his reasons for kicking us out make no sense.

My threefold rebuttal:

Disagreeing with someone with zero military experience about the mindset of our military men and women is not opposition, it's education. Clearly, this kid is not teachable. Unteachable people are not qualified to preach/teach.

Inviting someone to take a second look at a passage of Scripture is not opposition, it's an act of love.

And concerning my blog, well, all I can say is, dude, you're not the first pastor I've scared off and it's highly likely you won't be the last.

I firmly believe every person who presents God's Word in any way, shape or form must be up for questioning. I will question everyone. Never one time did Jesus admonish someone not to question Him.

Any pastor who is not open to questioning, but frames any question or comment (and even invitations to look more closely at the Word) as "opposition" is not qualified to be in any pulpit.

I suspect - and this is pure speculation on my part - that this pastor is too afraid that the women in his congregation might find out they can have independent thoughts outside of their husbands' and pastors' control and he will have none of that. Every cult has to subdue the women at all times.

Carry on, little cult, carry on. One day you will know the truth.
~Tricia

Whose Word is it Anyway?

I heard a young man preach last Sunday. I think the young man has potential, but he has a lot to learn about preaching God's Word. Throughout his sermon, he repeated that this is God's Word, this is what God has said, etc. He reiterated this several times, yet when it came to the actual Word, he changed what God said. He turned it into his own words, but kept God's name on it, passing it off as God's. He preached his word to the people, claiming it was God's Word, but it wasn't at all.

Here's what he did. He took James 1:2, which says, "...count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience," and he changed it to say, "...count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith, when you have the proper response, when handled right, produces patience."

Do you see the difference? He added "when you have the proper response, when handled right" to God's Word, effectively turning his sermon into one of Secular Humanism instead of one of God.

Whose Word is it? When we muddy the clear, pure waters of God's Word with our own secular, humanistic ideas and pass them off as God's, we are not only leading the sheep down a dangerous path, we are jeopardizing our own theology, making us more vulnerable to the rampant false teaching that plagues our churches today.

Be sure, it is God's Word and only God's Word will accomplish His purpose.

Listen to every sermon with a critical ear.

Take no one's word for God's Word.

Look things up for yourself.

If a preacher changes God's Word to suit an agenda (usually an attempt to control people's behavior), do not listen to that preacher.

You have the right and responsibility to question anyone who is teaching God's Word. If they do not receive your questions, they are not worthy or qualified to deliver God's Word.

Be like the Bereans, who were praised for looking things up for themselves. This was no small feat on their part, either, since #1, the entire Bible had not yet been written and #2, there weren't printed copies or a local book store to buy one from. STILL, they looked things up for themselves.....Acts 17:11-12a, "they searched the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so. Therefore, many of them believed..."

~Tricia